Revolving - Chapter 17

As soon as Ohkura stormed out of the shop, a silence settled over the occupants. And then slowly, as if one by one they realized the gravity of the situation, a nervous buzz overtook the room.

“What did you do that for?” Subaru asked, anger leaking into his voice as he dropped Yasu's hand.

A confused look crossed Yasu's face, followed closely by a frown. “Do what?”

“Why did you tell Ohkura that we're dating?” Subaru demanded, and Yasu realized that he'd never really seen Subaru angry before this.

“Why does it matter?” Yasu returned, trying not to get angry at Subaru. “I don't care if he knows...”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I care?” Subaru asked as the anger left his voice to be replaced by frustration. “Do you even care what I want? You always just do whatever you want without considering how I feel.”

Yasu froze and this time he did let the anger fill him. “Excuse me?” His voice was dangerously low as he looked at Subaru. “I'm always considering your feelings!”

“Really?” Subaru asked, letting the anger return to his voice as he returned Yasu's glare. “When? Were you considering my feelings just now when you told Ohkura? Were you considering my feelings this afternoon in the bathroom? Or how about last night? Did you ever stop to think about how I felt?”

Yasu stopped in his tracks, forgetting the angry words that had been threatening to fall from his lips. As he stared at Subaru, he tried to push down the painful nausea that was welling up. “What about last night?” he asked quietly, trying to keep the tears from coming.

“I felt pressured,” Subaru admitted and the anger was gone from his voice again. Perhaps he knew how those words would hurt Yasu because he only stared at the floor and refused to meet Yasuda's gaze.

“I see,” Yasu said calmly.

“You didn't give me a chance to think about it,” Subaru continued, his voice taking on a defensive tone. “I told you that I still have feelings for Rikiya and then we did that and now I feel like I've betrayed him somehow,” Subaru had forgotten that Maru and Daisuke were still standing there as he fought to make himself clear to Yasu.

“Well,” Yasu said after what felt like an eternal pause. “You don't have to worry anymore. I'm tired of trying so hard when you'll never return my feelings. You can have Rikiya or just sit around feeling sorry for yourself forever. I don't care anymore.” When the last words left Yasu's mouth, he realized that he was crying. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he cast one final look at Subaru and turned on his heels to leave the shop.

Once on the street, Yasu took a deep breath in the seconds before the tears really came. And when a sob broke through, he quickly covered his mouth when he realized how loud it was. Marching quickly towards his house, he knew he had to get away from Subaru fast or he'd end up going back and apologizing. And what did he have to apologize for? Yasu wondered.

That was his first sexual experience and though it had been amazing and special to him, Subaru regretted it. Had he been thinking about Rikiya the whole time? Yasu felt dirty and disgusting. If this was what love and sex were like, Yasu didn't think he wanted any part of it. And yet there was still part of him that wanted to go back and see Subaru. To experience it again.

By the time he reached his house, the crying had become uncontrollable and he had to march past his mother and his sister, who exchanged worried glances, in order to get to his room. As soon as he made it to his bedroom, he threw himself onto the bed and buried his face in the pillow, muffling the sound of his hard cries.

“Shota?” his sister knocked on the door quietly before poking her head in.

“Go away,” Yasu replied miserably and half-heartedly.

“What's wrong?” she asked, opening the door all the way and letting herself in. She was a Yasuda afterall and like her brother, a simple 'go away' wasn't enough to deter her.

“Nothing,” Yasu answered, burying his face in his pillow again so that she couldn't see his tears.

“Did something happen with Subaru?” she asked, although she already knew the answer.

Yasu's sobbing grew harder then and that was all the confirmation she needed. Sitting on the bed, she began rubbing her little brother's back soothingly as she waited patiently for him to begin speaking. After several minutes, Yasu's crying subsided and he drew in a shaky breath to calm himself. Then, turning his head so that his face was no longer buried against the pillow, he spoke, “We broke up.”

“Why?” She asked almost immediately, hoping that it didn't sound as nosy and intrusive as she felt.

Yasu was used to his sister's abrasiveness so he continued, unfazed, “He doesn't like me.” Shock hit Yasu when he received a sharp smack to the back of his head. “Hey!” he cried, turning to look at his sister as he rubbed his head.

“Don't be stupid. Of course he likes you,” she clicked her tongue in annoyance at her little brother.

“Okay,” Yasu conceded. “But he likes his ex more...”


“Yeah,” he replied miserably.

“At least he likes you though,” she told him. “That's the most important part, right? He could grow to love you more than his ex. It has to start somewhere...”

Yasu shook his head. “I doubt it. I've given him everything. I've treated him the way his ex couldn't. I've been patient with him, I've tried to show him how much I love him. But it hurts. It hurts that even though I'm giving him everything he could ever want, he's still thinking about someone else. I can't give him anything else, so what would possibly change his mind?”

Yasu's sister was silent for a few minutes as she contemplated what her little brother was telling her. Finally, she spoke and disappointment colored her voice. “I don't like this side of you.”

“What side?” Yasu asked snobbishly.

“This pitiful side. Since when do you give up so easily?” She asked him, searching his face for the answer.

“I'm not giving up easily,” Yasu replied, feeling the anger rising up in him again. “I've been trying for months. And then yesterday...” he trailed off, unsure if this was a conversation he wanted to be having with his sister.

“What? What happened yesterday?” she asked quietly, deciding not to take his anger personally.

Yasu was silent for a moment as he debated whether or not to tell her. His anger had already slipped away and all that was left was nervousness and embarrassment. Finally deciding to indulge, he spoke quietly, “We did... things...”

“Oh,” she answered. It was an awkward conversation to have with her little brother, but as a concerned older sibling, she had to ask anyway, “Were you safe?”

His face turned bright red and he spluttered as he fought to find an answer to such and embarrassing question. Finally, he managed to squeak out, “We didn't do that!”

“Well what did you do?” She asked.

Yasu blinked and then threw a pillow at her. “It's none of your business!”

“More than kissing?” She asked, not caring if she was being nosy anymore or if she was embarrassing her brother.

Yasu nodded.

“But less than sex?”

He nodded again.

“Got it,” she nodded, and then grinning she added, “you whore.”

“Now isn't the time,” he told her, not finding the amusement in her commentary. Not when he was so miserable, anyway.

“Sorry,” she told him, patting his back. “So what happened?”

“He told me that he felt pressured. That he felt like it was a betrayal to his ex by doing it with me...”

“What the hell?” she commented, more to herself than to Yasu. “They broke up, right?”

“His ex just moved to Tokyo without telling him...” Yasu commented.

“Well maybe it still feels like they're dating to Subaru. Because there was no official break-up...” she suggested.

“Maybe,” Yasu agreed. “But this guy treated him like crap. He wouldn't let Subaru tell anyone about their relationship and then he just left for Tokyo without a word. I don't understand how Subaru can still love him after all of that.”

“Well, he sounds like a dick,” she said. “But love isn't that simple. You're here crying because Subaru hurt you. Has he treated you well? Of course not. Hell, I'm tempted to go beat the shit out of him.” She was pleased when that earned a small smile from her brother, and then she continued, “but you still love him right?”

In reality, Yasu felt like crying again. “But why can't I be enough? I don't want to hide our relationship and I know that I could never leave him. So why is his ex so much better? When I treat him the way he wants and the way he deserves, why can't that be enough? Why is it that no matter how hard I try, I can never be enough for Subaru?” By the time Yasu finished with his rant, he was crying again and his siter leaned forward to wrap her arms around him.

“Sometimes it's hard to let people go. Even if there were times when he was treated poorly, the good times made up for it. We can't really help who we love, Shota.”

Yasu nodded. He knew that was true. Never in a million years would he have imagined that he would fall in love with another guy. And what was so special about Subaru? What made Yasu fall in love with him of all people? He wondered if that was a question that could really be answered. “I know that.”

“Is Subaru worth it to you?”

“Of course,” Yasu replied easily.

“Then you just have to be patient. He decided to try, even if only a little. And that's because he has feelings for you, right?”

“I guess,” Yasu replied, thinking about it carefully.

“Maybe he'll realize someday that you're amazing and perfect and he'll want to be with you completely. Or maybe he'll decide that he can't do it. But isn't it best to try and figure it out before giving up? Isn't what you have special enough to keep going?”


“Well then why are you sitting here crying?” she asked.

“Because it sucks,” he answered, still feeling miserable.

“Quit feeling bad for yourself,” she scolded him, smacking his head again. “At least go talk to Subaru.”

“Fine,” he sat up, fixing his hair before standing.

“Good,” she smiled. “That's the Yasuda spirit!”

“You're such a dork,” he rolled his eyes, pushing her out of his room and following her down the stairs to the genkan. He ignored her teasing as he slipped on his shoes and headed out the door. Determined to talk to Subaru now, he took off at a jog for the music shop.

Inside, he was surprised to see Maru and Daisuke still hanging around. “What are you doing here still?”

“We were just getting ready to go talk to Ohkura. We want you to come with,” Maru told him.

Yasu shook his head. Ohkura and the band weren't a concern to him right now, and though he felt bad admitting it, he hadn't thought of them at all in the hour since Ohkura had stormed out. So he replied honestly, “I want to talk to Subaru right now.”

“Ryo's in the back talking to him. Or should we say giving him a talking to...” Daisuke answered.

Indeed when Yasu trained his ears to the back of the store, he could hear Ryo's voice coming from the stock room, sharp and angry. Yasu almost felt bad for him. He really needed to talk to Subaru, but maybe what Subaru really needed then was a lecture from a caring friend.

“Don't worry,” Maru assured him, as if able to read his thoughts. “Ryo will take care of him. I don't think he's ready to talk to you yet anyway. Just come with us. Ryo will have Subaru calmed down by the time you come back. Come with us.”

Yasu shook his head again. “Ohkura isn't going to see it your way.”

“Don't you at least want to try to convince him not to tell the entire school about you and Subaru?” Or at least ask him not to make the others ignore you?”

Honestly, Yasu didn't care if the entire school knew about him and Subaru. He'd never thought it was something worth hiding. But he did care about Subaru and he knew that keeping it a secret meant a lot to him. Even if he didn't agree, he'd go if it meant that Subaru would understand how Yasu always considered his feelings. For Subaru's sake, he would swallow whatever pride he was feeling and go talk to Ohkura. “Okay, fine.”

Yasu let Maru and Daisuke lead him from the shop and silently followed them to Ohkura's home. And though Yasu had been there before, he was still awed by the size of it. It was hard to believe that Ohkura came from such a wealthy family, but he supposed that also explained a lot about his attitude.

Maru reached forward to ring the doorbell and when the housekeeper answered the door, she replied instantly, “Master Tadayoshi is refusing visitors right now.”

Maru looked slightly annoyed to receive this information. “Tell him it's Maruyama and Ishigaki and if he doesn't want to talk that we can make that a permanent arrangement.”

Yasu stared at Maru, impressed. Since he'd met Maru, he'd always been silly and goofy and at times, very hard to take seriously. But in the past few days, he'd proved that he was more. No wonder Sara was suddenly so interested!

The housekeeper looked horrified at the prospect of having to tell Ohkura something so rude, but she turned and left anyway, returning a few minutes later to direct them to Ohkura's bedroom.

Once inside, Ohkura immediately cast a look at Yasu and turned angrily towards Maru and Daisuke. “What's he doing here?”

“We brought him here,” Maru replied, stating the obvious.

“There was no point,” Ohkura told him. “I'm not letting him back in the band.”

“That's fine,” Maru stated non-nonchalantly. “We actually just came to tell you that you're out of the band.”

Ohkura stared blankly at Maru for a few seconds before questioning in a low voice, “What?”

Both Daisuke and Yasu were staring at Maru in shock as he continued. “We're tired of you making all of the decisions yourself. We didn't want Subaru out of the band and we don't want Yasu out either. They're both talented and you let them go because of your giant ego. You don't care about the band and since you don't mind finding new members all the time, you can just go start a new band. We'll keep Yasu.”

“Maru,” Ohkura looked at him, a hurt expression crossing his face. “You're not serious...”

“I am,” Maru nodded. “I wanted to be in the band because I thought it would be fun. But you just wanted your own little dictatorship and you squeezed the fun out of everything with your pride.”

“So then that's it” Ohkura asked quietly.

Maru nodded. “You're out...”

“Even if you have to look for a new drummer?” he asked.

“You're replaceable,” Maru replied with a shrug.

“That's cruel,” Ohkura told him, staring at the floor.

“Isn't it?” Maru asked softly.

Ohkura froze at the sudden softness of Maru’s voice and his body went slack as he realized what had just happened.

“It doesn’t feel very good to just be tossed aside, does it?” Maru asked.

The drummer was silent, his pride still keeping him from admitting he was wrong, that what he’d been doing was cruel and unnecessary.

“What did Subaru ever do? Did he tell Rikiya to leave?” Maru continued trying to drive his point home to Ohkura. “You knew they were dating. Ryo, your own best friend told you, but you didn’t want to listen. You cared about your pride more than your own friends.”

“That isn’t true,” Ohkura replied weakly, his voice wavering as though he was having trouble denying the accusation.

“And Yasu too. Someone who’s been a loyal friend and a good person this whole time. You didn’t have any trouble tossing him aside when you realized you’d been lied to. But what you didn’t realize is that it’s your own fault Yasu couldn’t tell you...”

“I get it...” Ohkura mumbled.

“Do you?” Maru asked. “Because we’re beginning to wonder if you care about the band at all. Subaru was irreplaceable as a vocalist. And Yasu, well I think he’s even better than Rikiya.”

Daisuke nodded and patted Yasu on the shoulder.

A silence filled the room then as the three guests allowed a chance for everything to soak in. When Ohkura looked up, his eyes were filled with tears. “I’m sorry, Yasu.”

Yasu didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t mad at Ohkura and didn’t hold anything against him really, but the apology seemed to be an important step so he nodded at his classmate and stepped forward to pat him awkwardly on the back.

“You’re right, Maru. About everything. The band is all I have for myself,” Ohkura told them, and Yasu remembered how structured and inflexible Ohkura’s home life was. “When Rikiya left, I was so mad. I thought everything was over. I needed someone to blame, so I got angry at Subaru. And when Ryo defended him, I got mad at him too. I thought I was protecting the band. So when Yasu said he’d been dating Subaru, I thought it was going to happen all over again. I’m sorry.”

Yasu shook his head and sat down next to Ohkura on the bed. “I appreciate the apology, but I’m not the one you really hurt.”

Ohkura bit his lips. He knew that meant an apology to Subaru, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to put his pride aside to do it.

“I meant what I said,” Maru said quietly. “About you being out of the band. I know it’s cruel and honestly, I feel bad. But until you’re ready to make things right, I don’t know if we have a place for you.”

“I understand,” Ohkura nodded. “I deserve it.”

Maru was silent for a few moments. “So what are you going to do?”

“I have to apologize to Subaru, right?” Ohkura asked, though from his tone it was more of a statement.

“Only if you want to. A sincere apology. And you have to make things right with him...”

Ohkura nodded and Yasu didn't doubt his sincerity. Maru had gotten through to Ohkura. Yasu wondered briefly how Subaru would react to Ohkura's apology. He wasn't as proud as Ohkura, but accepting an apology after everything that had happened would still be difficult. Subaru had been ignored and mistreated for almost a year because of Ohkura.

“Is he still at the shop?” Ohkura asked cautiously, looking at Yasu.

Yasu was surprised at being addressed so it took him a few moments before he was able to give a stumbling, “I think so.”

“Then I'll go talk to him,” Ohkura nodded, standing up. “Better sooner than later.”

“Wait,” Maru stopped Ohkura. “Yasu needs to talk to him first.”

Yasu stared at Maru before shaking his head, “That's okay. Ohkura can go first.”

Maru shook his head. “Your relationship is more important. Subaru was really upset after you left.”

“He was?” Yasu asked, honestly wondering if Maru was lying to him. Why would Subaru be upset? Didn't he get what he wanted? He didn't have any ties to Yasu anymore. He was free to leave for Tokyo. To be with Rikiya guilt free.

That trail of thoughts only upset Yasu again. Hadn't he already decided to make things better with Subaru? But now he was wondering if that was a good idea. He wondered if maybe it was best to just let Subaru go at this point. Ohkura was going to apologize and fix things so that Subaru wasn't left out at school anymore. Things could return to some semblance of normalcy for Subaru and he could happily leave for Tokyo after graduation. Everything his heart wanted was within reach now. So then what right did Yasu have to come in and take that away?

He shook his head at Maru. “It doesn't matter. There is no relationship anymore.”

“Because of me?” Ohkura asked meekly. “I'm fine with it if you two want to be together. It's not my business anyway.”

Yasu shook his head pitifully. “Not because of you. There are too many other problems.”

“You both said things you didn't mean,” Maru pointed out, a desperation filling his voice and Yasu had to wonder why he cared so much. He took a step closer to Yasu and put his hand on the shorter man's shoulder.

“He meant what he said,” Yasu spoke quietly. “He still has feelings for Rikiya.”

“Well, maybe that's true,” Maru admitted. “But he has feelings for you too!”

“But the feelings for Rikiya are stronger. I can't compare. I'll never be able to.”

“How do you know if you don't keep trying? I can tell Subaru cares about you. And you make him happy. Isn't that enough for now?”

Yasu shrugged. “He's planning on going to Tokyo after graduation anyway. Maybe its best to end things now.”

“Yasu,” Maru gave his friend a sharp look. “I've been busting my ass trying to protect you two so you could be together...”

“I know,” Yasu replied, having trouble keeping the guilt from his voice. “And I appreciate it. But I'm beginning to wonder what the point is when he's just going to leave in a few months.”

“A few months is a long time to change his mind,” Maru pointed out, his voice softening. “In a few months he might realize that he no longer has feelings for Rikiya.”

“Or it might hurt more when he decides to leave me...”

“Yasu,” Ohkura piped up, and Yasu looked over at him in shock. “Don't you care about him?”

“Of course I do.”

“Enough that you were willing to risk your reputation and the band...” Ohkura reminded him.

“Give Subaru a chance. You're just assuming you know what he's going to do,” Maru added.

“I do know!” Yasu cried, exasperated.

“You don't! He said something he didn't mean today so you're just going to throw it all away?” Maru asked, shaking Yasu a little.

“He meant what he said!”

“If he meant it, would he really let Ryo yell at him right now? If he knew he said nothing wrong, do you think he would sit through a lecture?”

“Well, he doesn't want to hurt me,” Yasu suggested. “Maybe he feels bad.”

“Yasu!” Daisuke spoke up for the first time. “Stop being difficult! He LIKES you.”

“Not enough,” Yasu pouted.

“I don't know what you want to hear, Yasu,” Maru sighed, and from the look on his face, Yasu knew he was a little annoyed. “I can't tell you that it'll last forever, but at least give it a chance. See where it goes.”

Yasu said nothing as he crossed his arms over his chest and continued pouting.

“Why do you think he got so mad today?” Maru asked after a few minutes.

“Because he likes Rikiya more.”

“Yasu!” Maru cried, throwing his hands up. “He was mad because you told Ohkura!”

“Right. Because obviously he didn't want people to think that we're dating.”

“You're wrong. Not for the reasons you're thinking.”

Yasu didn't like that he was being lectured, but he knew that Maru was trying to get him to learn something so he thought hard. Subaru had always wanted to keep their relationship secret. Not because he was ashamed, but because he knew what would happen if anyone found out. Subaru had nothing to lose from people knowing. He'd already become the school outcast. But Yasu... he had friends. Popularity.

“He's protecting me,” Yasu said quietly.

“Right! He cares about you. Don't doubt that he loves you. Maybe not in the way you want him to. Not yet anyway. But he loves you. He's attracted to you. Can't that be enough for now?” Maru asked, his eyes searching Yasu's face as though the answer would be right there.

Yasu thought hard. Was it enough? Would he rather have Subaru these last few months and hope that he changes his mind? Or would he rather be without him – to see him everyday at school and not be able to kiss him or hug him or reach for his hand?

“It is enough,” Yasu answer, nodding with conviction.

“I thought so,” Maru smiled.

“When did you get so wise?” Daisuke asked, staring at Maru in amazement.

“I've always been wise!” he smiled goofily. “I'm just good at hiding it!”

“Then should we go back?” Yasu asked.

“You go back and talk to Subaru. You need some alone time,” Maru told Yasu as he patted his shoulder encouragingly.

“And what about Ohkura?” Yasu asked. He was nervous about going to see Subaru. There was a chance Subaru would still be mad. Or tell him that he didn't want to see him. If someone else was there with him, Yasu thought that maybe things would be easier.

“I can talk to him tomorrow,” Ohkura nodded at Yasu in what must have been an encouraging manner.

Yasu knew that he wasn't going to get out of seeing Subaru, not with all the encouragement he was getting from the other three – Ohkura included. So when he left Ohkura's house, he left alone and with nervousness gripping him the entire train ride back to his neighborhood. As he approached the shop, he was still unsure of what he would say to Subaru. Or even if Subaru would be willing to listen to him.

When he arrived at the shop, Ryo was standing by the register, but Subaru was nowhere in sight. “You came back!” Ryo commented in a surprised tone as a grin broke out across his face.

Yasu nodded, unable to speak over the lump of nervousness that had formed in his throat.

“I told Subaru you would,” Ryo commented, stepping around the counter with a smile. “He went to your house to look for you but I suppose you two just missed each other.”

“He did?” Yasu asked, surprised by that bit of information.

Ryo nodded, clicking his tongue at Yasu's surprise. “He's not stupid. He knows he messed up!”

Yasu was silent as he contemplated Ryo's statement. Did Subaru only know he messed up because Ryo yelled at him. Curious, he timidly asked, “Because you yelled at him?”

“No,” Ryo rolled his eyes. “He knew he messed up before I even got here. Besides, if he didn't feel like he fucked up, do you think he would have let me yell at him for half an hour?”

“I don't know,” Yasu shrugged. “I don't know what to think. All I know is that Subaru meant what he said.”

Ryo nodded, and Yasu's heart dropped a little at that acknowledgment. “I know. He wouldn't have said that if he didn't really feel that way. I think it was a big mistake to jump into a sexual relationship with Subaru so fast. Don't get me wrong. I don't doubt that Subaru is attracted to you that way. But honestly, it was stupid of you to go there knowing how Subaru feels about Rikiya.”

Apparently, it was now Yasu's turn to get lectured. And maybe he deserved it, because when he'd been intimate with Subaru, there was a small part of him that only did it in hopes that it would get Subaru to forget about Rikiya. If he was honest with himself, he would let Subaru use him if it meant that there was a chance it would stop him from thinking of Rikiya. “Maybe you're right,” Yasu admitted.

“I'm only saying this because I care,” Ryo assured Yasu. “I don't want you guys to give up. I like you, Yasu. You have no idea what Subaru has been like since Rikiya left. I couldn't get him to talk, or smile or do anything. He was like a zombie. And then you came along and I don't know what you did, but he's slowly changing for the better. It's nice to see him smile again.”

“It could have been anyone to come along and pull him out of the slump. All he needed was patience and understanding.”

Ryo nodded. “That's true. The part about patience and understanding. But I think maybe you're the only person on the planet who's able to give him the patience and understanding that he needs.”

That thought made Yasu happy, but a frown quickly replaced the smile that had spread across his face. “But he'd still be happier with Rikiya.”

Ryo shook his head furiously. “Definitely not. He might think that he would be, but he wouldn't.”

“He knows what he wants and needs more than we do,” Yasu objected.

“Yasu,” Ryo began, his voice serious. “I was here during the time that Rikiya was. He didn't just hurt Subaru by leaving. He was always hurting Subaru. He wouldn't let Subaru hold his hand or touch him or even stand too close to him. Even when they were here and even though I knew about them, Rikiya still didn't let Subaru close. Maybe he was afraid of people thinking he was gay. Or maybe he was just using Subaru. I don't know. But it wasn't right and Subaru wasn't happy.”

Yasu had never heard this before. He'd always assumed that Rikiya was just as in love with Subaru, and that the shop was their secret hideaway. He'd always imagined that their love affair was passionate and romantic, but could it be that none of that was true?

“Subaru is still caught up in his feelings for Rikiya,” Ryo explained. “He's completely looking over the fact that he was never happy with Rikiya. But I see you in here, not hesitating to reach out and hug Subaru, or grab his hand or even just lean over for a kiss. And maybe you can't see how happy that makes him, but I can. Much, much happier than Rikiya ever made him.

“Yeah?” Yasu asked, his heart beating wildly in his chest at the thought that he was making Subaru so happy.

Ryo nodded. “I know there are times that Subaru hurts you. And I really wouldn't blame you if you gave up, but you love him, right?

Yasu nodded, a blush coloring his cheeks as he realized this was the first time he'd ever admitted it out loud, to another person.

“Then just give him some more time. We talked about it today. He's afraid of losing you right now. You're the only good thing in his life right now. He loves you too, he just needs to realize it.”

The idea that Subaru loved him made Yasu's heart beat so hard that for a minute he was afraid it was going to beat right out of his chest. He'd known for a while now how he felt about Subaru. He'd been suspecting that it was love for a long time now, but this was the first time he'd really admitted it and allowed the feeling to take root within him.

The bell above the door rang then, shaking Yasu from his thoughts and when he looked up, Subaru was standing in the doorway, watching him.

“You're here,” Subaru murmured, surprise filling his voice.

Yasu nodded shyly. “Yeah.”

“I'm gonna go take care of some stuff in the back,” Ryo grinned, though Subaru and Yasu were paying him no attention.

“I went to your house,” Subaru said quietly, breaking the intense eye contact with Yasu. “But you weren't home.”

“Yeah,” Yasu nodded, not knowing what else to say. An awkward silence filled the air as both young men tried to think of what to say to one another.

“I'm sorry about what I said,” Subaru finally spoke after a few minutes.

Yasu looked up, and noticed the way Subaru was staring guiltily at the floor. “You don't have to be sorry. You were just saying how you felt.”

“No,” Subaru shook his head, glancing up at Yasu. “I was just mad. I know you consider my feelings.” His voice was shaking a little as he continued. “And you were right. You're always considering my feelings. Since we met, you've always been putting my wants and needs before your own. You deserve someone who can give you the relationship you want,” Subaru continued and by this time, Yasu was fairly certain that he was crying. Yasu was about to shake his head and disagree, but Subaru cut him off. “But I'm selfish and I don't want to let you go.”

Yasu's heart started beating wildly in his chest. Didn't that mean something? Sure, Subaru still had feelings for Rikiya, but wasn't it encouraging that Subaru couldn't let go of Yasu? If he felt like this now, how could he possibly be able to leave with Rikiya in a few months?

Without even thinking, Yasu rushed forward and wrapped his arms around Subaru, catching the other man off guard. The surprise only lasted a moment though, before Subaru was wrapping his arms around Yasu, clinging desperately to his back as though he truly believed Yasu was in danger of vanishing. Burying his face against the juncture where Subaru's shoulder and neck met, Yasu couldn't decide if he wanted to laugh or cry.

“You're not going to leave, right?” Subaru asked quietly.

Yasu lifted his head from Subaru's shoulder and shook it. “I'm not going to.” He wondered if Subaru realized how happy he'd just made him. He wanted to tell Subaru how he felt, that he loved him. The words were right at the tip of his tongue but he held it back. Subaru had just given him a lot and he didn't want to ruin it by telling him something he didn't want to hear.

“Thank you,” Subaru spoke softly, his fingertips massaging the small of Yasu's back. “I want to give you what you deserve. I want to try.”

Yasu looked up in surprise and his eyes met Subaru's. He wondered if it meant what he thought it meant. If Subaru really wanted to put 100% effort into the relationship. As he searched Subaru's face, he knew that was exactly what Subaru was promising. A grin stretched across Yasu's face.

“I can't promise I won't slips and mess up,” Subaru admitted. “Please be patient with me.”

Yasu nodded enthusiastically, and still smiling, he pulled Subaru over to a more private corner of the shop. When they were out of sight, he pulled Subaru into his body and kissed him full on the lips. Any initial hesitations and reservations Subaru usually had weren't there as he wrapped his arms around Yasu and returned the kiss with equal enthusiasm.

When they finally broke apart for air, Subaru was smiling, a little shyly, and Yasu felt happy. He was tempted to lean in for another kiss but he stopped himself. If he started with that, he'd only want more. And for now, it was best to take things slowly.

Ryo peeked his head out from the stockroom and nosily asked, “Did you work everything out?”

“Yeah,” Subaru rolled his eyes, grabbing Yasu's hand, and pulling him back towards the front of the shop.

“Is it safe to come out now or are you two doing something I don't want to see?”

“It's safe,” Subaru called, his voice playfully indignant as Ryo emerged from the back grinning.

“I should go now anyway,” Yasu replied shyly.

Subaru nodded, “I'll see you tomorrow morning then?”

Yasu smiled and nodded, “I'll see you then.”

Subaru leaned forward and gave Yasu a small kiss, earning an “Awwwww!” from Ryo.

“Bye!” Yasu giggled happily as he bounced to the door, turning away after Subaru placed a smack on the side of Ryo's head.

As Yasu walked home, he couldn't keep the smile off his face. He'd been so afraid of losing Subaru only hours earlier but in the end, he'd gotten a promise of devotion from Subaru. Maybe Subaru would change his mind in a week or two. The idea of that happening terrified Yasu. But for now, Subaru wanted to be with him. He wanted to try. And that was good enough for Yasu. It was good enough for now.

Revolving - Chapter 16 Part 2

But before Yasu had time to consider it more deeply, the bell signaling the beginning of the lunch period chimed. Ten minutes earlier, Yasu had the full intention of tracking down Maru and Daisuke and making sure that they wouldn’t show up at the shop. But now that he’d started to worry about Subaru’s opinion on what they’d done, the only thing on his mind was getting Subaru alone so that they could talk.

As the other students stood up to leave, Yasu sat behind, waiting for everyone to file out of the classroom.

“Are you coming?” Ohkura asked, pausing to stand beside Yasu’s desk.

Shaking his head quickly, Yasu replied, “I’m a little behind on the math homework so I’m gonna stay for a few minutes and work on it some more.”

Ohkura eyed Yasuda suspiciously and Maru shot the guitarist a warning look. Yasu knew that his behavior was suspicious. Even when he zoned out in class, he was still one of the best students. But right now, Yasu was much more worried about Subaru than he was about Ohkura finding out.

“I’ll catch up with you in a few minutes,” he smiled reassuringly at his friends.

Maru nodded, guiding Ohkura to the door as he mouthed to Yasu, ‘Be careful!’ Yasu cringed a little because Maru had already gone out of his way to help protect Yasu and now he was about to blow that again. But he <i>really</i> needed to talk to Subaru.

Subaru must have sensed that Yasu was trying to get him alone because before Yasu even had a chance to blink, Subaru had gathered his things and was leaving the classroom.

Yasu wanted to call out to him, but he knew that was dangerous, especially with Ohkura nearby and already suspicious. But honestly, it was harder for him to worry about getting caught when he was so preoccupied with Subaru. He waited until the classroom was clear before searching for Subaru. Deciding to check the bathroom first, Yasu opened the door and spotted Subaru almost immediately, standing at the sink.

“Subaru,” Yasu called out, his voice light and breathy and if he stopped to think about it he would probably have been a little embarrassed.

When Subaru looked up, his eyes went wide the moment he recognized Yasuda. “What are you doing here?” Subaru asked nervously.

“Looking for you.” The reply came easily as Yasu closed the door and moved to stand next to Subaru.

“Why?” Subaru asked. “Weren’t we going to stop doing this? Especially after what happened yesterday?”

Yasu frowned. “I just want to talk to you. If someone walks in we’ll pretend we were both just using the bathroom. Relax.” He couldn’t help but notice how nervous his boyfriend was, like Subaru didn’t want to be alone with him, and that made Yasu nervous.

“About what?” Subaru asked, looking away as he washed his hands.

Yasu took note of the way Subaru was blushing and wondered whether or not it was a happy blush or an ashamed one. Either way, Yasu thought as he stared at Subaru, it was extremely cute. “About last night,” Yasu answered finally.

Subaru dropped the bar of soap he’d been holding, his face turning even more red. “What about it?”

“What did you think of it?” Yasu asked, the words spilling out in nervousness. It was the moment of truth. Although he’d been entertaining the idea that Subaru didn’t like it for the last 3 hours and had given himself time to accept the fact, he knew that if that was the case he’d still be heartbroken.

Subaru was silent as he turned off the water and Yasu thought for a moment that Subaru wasn’t going to answer at all so he added, “I mean... was it good?”

Subaru snorted in response and Yasu felt his face redden. “Why would you ask that?” Subaru asked, still not making eye contact with Yasu.

Yasu’s blush just deepened in response. “I don’t know. I was just wondering if you liked it.”

“Why wouldn’t I like it?” Subaru asked, his voice somewhat incredulous. “Has there ever been someone in the history of the world that did that and didn’t like it?”

“I don’t know,” Yasu answered shyly, although he was secretly pleased with Subaru’s response. “It was my first time so I don’t know if it was good,” he explained before quickly adding, “But I want to do it again. If you want me to...”

Subaru looked at Yasu for a few moments, his expression still amazed by everything that Yasu was saying. Yasu also noted how uncomfortable he looked, as though he really didn’t know what to say. Finally, he settled with, “You’re so weird.”

Yasu blushed and giggled. “So that’s a yes?”

Subaru gave a stiff nod, still looking uneasy about the topic.

Yasu grinned, purposely ignoring Subaru’s hesitation in favor of the fact that he liked it and wanted to do it again. “When?” he asked, already excited by the prospect.

Subaru’s face turned the darkest shade of red Yasu had ever seen and the long haired boy mumbled, “I don’t know.”

“Now?” Yasu asked slyly, closing in on Subaru. He wondered where the boldness came from as he cornered Subaru, but he had been thinking all morning about the way Subaru had tasted and looked and sounded, so could he really be blamed for being this horny? Besides, the fact that Subaru liked it made Yasu want to do it even more.

“Now?” Subaru swallowed, backing up as Yasu came closer.

“Yeah,” Yasu nodded. “Don’t you want to?”

By now, Subaru was pressed against the wall of the bathroom, trapped as Yasu came dangerously close. “Not right now,” he croaked nervously. “We’re at school!”

“Everyone is at lunch,” Yasu reminded him. “No one is going to now. I can be fast, I think.”

“Ohkura will come looking for you,” Subaru retorted, his voice taking on a more desperate tone.

Yasu could see that Subaru wasn’t going to give in and he had promised Ohkura that he’d meet him in the lunchroom in a while. “Later then?” he asked, giving Subaru some more space.

Subaru looked relieved as Yasu backed away and he nodded quickly.

“After school then?” Yasu asked, looking for some kind of reassurance that it would happen again, and soon.

“I have to work,” Subaru shot back, almost too quickly for Subaru’s liking.

“Will you be alone at the shop?”

Subaru just stared at Yasu for a moment with a shocked expression. “We can’t do that at the shop!”

“Why not?” Yasu asked and when almost a minute passed with Subaru saying nothing, his frown grew. If Subaru didn’t hate it, then why was he being so resistant? Yasu just wanted Subaru to agree to do it. To <i>want</i> to do it. But getting Subaru to agree to a time and a place was proving impossible and Yasu wondered whether Subaru even really <i>wanted</i> to do it again. “You did it there with Rikiya, didn’t you?”

When Subaru froze, Yasu regretted what he’d said almost immediately. He hated the accusatory tone in his voice and he especially hated the jealousy that was twisting up inside of him. Of course, he’d been curious about how far Subaru had gone with Rikiya. He’d been curious for months. He knew at least that they’d kissed at the shop, and that was already more than he’d ever done with Yasu there.

But he’d never actually had the conversation with Subaru. And maybe, he thought, he was really afraid of knowing. He knew how Subaru felt about Rikiya, and though he said he was fine with all of Subaru’s issues that came along with that, it still <i>hurt</i>. Seeing that sad, pining look on Subaru’s face hurt, and so did the fact that he couldn’t get as close to Subaru as he wanted because there would always be a wall there. As the silence stretched on, Yasu wondered if he should say something because Subaru clearly had no intention of doing so.

Part of him wondered if he should apologize but the other part of him felt strongly that this <i>was</i> his business. Not only was he putting himself on the line, but wasn’t it his <i>right<i> to know Subaru’s sexual history now that they were becoming sexually active themselves?

“Are you going to answer?” Yasu asked as the silent stretched on. When Subaru still didn’t reply, Yasu felt himself growing annoyed. Subaru had been honest and open with Yasu up until this point but that was only because of the effort Yasu had made at getting him to open up. “Okay then,” Yasu replied, annoyed about the entire situation. He didn’t know what to say. “Fine. If you don’t want to talk then I’ll just leave you alone.”

Yasu felt sick as he stormed out of the bathroom and he didn’t know if it was because of the way he’d become so confrontational suddenly or if it was because Rikiya had been brought up. He’d been frustrated by Subaru’s lack of willingness to talk about it, even after everything they’d shared. Yasu knew that it was stupid to bring Rikiya up, but everything in his life seemed to come back to Subaru’s ex-boyfriend.

And now Yasu was left wondering if there would ever be a point in time where he was more important to Subaru than Rikiya. Yasu knew that what Subaru’s heart really wanted was Rikiya. And he also knew that he could never be Rikiya. For Yasu, it <i>hurt</i> that he couldn’t begin to compare to Rikiya. And now, Yasu could help but think that he’d never be good enough.

He was giving Subaru everything. Everything that he wanted and that Rikiya had refused to give him. He was patient and understanding of Subaru, he’d been willing to take it slowly for Subaru. And he didn’t think Subaru had been lying when he said he’d enjoyed what they’d done. So if Yasu was giving Subaru everything he needed emotionally and physically, why couldn’t it be enough? Why was it that Subaru could only think of Rikiya?

By the time Yasu stumbled into the cafeteria, he felt like crying. He knew Maru was watching him with a worried expression and he thought that his face must have been easy to read, so he avoided eye contact and tried to listen to Ohkura’s story as he chewed numbly at his lunch.

“Can I sit here?” a soft feminine voice asked, and Yasu cringed as he immediately recognized it as Ishihara Sara’s. He was about to tell her, politely of course, that he wasn’t in the mood, but when he looked up, he realized she was talking to Maruyama.

“If you want to,” Mary replied coolly and Yasu was a little shocked at the cold tone of his voice.

“I do,” she nodded, pulling out the chair next to Maru.

Maru didn’t reply as he turned his body away from Ishihara as he suddenly became engrossed in the boring story Ohkura was telling about his dinner the night before.

Yasu watched the scene, glad for the distraction from his thoughts about Subaru and the situation he’d found himself in.

“Maru-kun,” Ishihara called, trying to catch the bassist’s attention.

After a few minutes, he turned impatiently, only far enough so that he could look at her from the corner of his eye and answered, “Yeah?”

“What’s your favorite food?” She asked, leaning in to close the distance that Maruyama had created between them.

“Why?” he asked, and again Yasu was taken aback by the iciness to his voice.

“I want to make you a bento for tomorrow,” She answered, completely unfazed by Maru’s efforts to shun her.

Maru didn’t say anything and when Yasu looked around the table he noticed that both Ohkura and Daisuke were watching -- Ohkura with a look of confusion and Daisuke with a look of amusement.

“He likes kara’age,” Daisuke answered when it appeared that Maru had no plans to.

Maru shot Daisuke a look and the youngest member of the band just grinned and shrugged.

“Kara’age,” she nodded and then stood. “I have to go meet with the journalism club, but I’ll talk to you later.” Her farewell was aimed at Maru, but he wasn’t listening so Yasu, Daisuke and Ohkura all waved goodbye.

As soon as Ishihara was gone, Ohkura turned quickly to Maru. “Okay, what is going on?”

“What?” Maru asked innocently although his ears were turning pink in embarrassment.

“Wasn’t Ishihara-san just chasing after Yasu a few days ago?” the drummer asked, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead in confusion.

“People can change their minds!” Yasu interrupted, perhaps a little too defensively. Of course Ohkura would be confused. He had no idea what was happening with Maru and Subaru and Ishihara. To him, it must all look strange, and Yasu’s over-reaction was only making the situation more confusing.

“But why so suddenly?” Ohkura asked, suspicion leaking into his voice. “And why is Maru being so cold when he likes her?”

“I think that’s why she likes me,” Maru began, and Yasu sighed in relief. It seemed that Maru was always saving him from getting caught. “When I chased after her, she didn’t want me. But the minute I started ignoring her, she suddenly decides that she likes me.”

Ohkura seemed to consider this quietly for a few moments, but slowly the confusion left his face only to be left with an exasperated expression. “Girls are so weird!”

The rest of lunch passed quickly and before Yasu knew it, he was already back in the classroom to be greeted by Subaru’s empty seat. Maru seemed to notice this too and as they took their seats, he whispered to Yasu, “What happened with Subaru?”

Yasu just shook his head in response. It was neither the time nor the place to discuss Subaru’s latest reasons for skipping class. Not that it surprised Yasu anymore. Subaru had a way of disappearing anytime things became too awkward or intense between them. At first, this thought only made Yasu angrier with Subaru. When he sat down at his desk, he was intent on not giving it a second thought, but as time stretched on, he began to feel bad.

He knew how Subaru felt about Rikiya. He knew all about it when he began pursuing Subaru. And he knew when he’d gone down on Subaru the night before. So what had he been expecting exactly? That Subaru would give up all of his feelings for Rikiya that easily? He couldn’t blame Subaru for feeling the way that he felt. For wanting what his heart wants. And it certainly wasn’t fair of Yasu to get angry at him for it. All he’d succeeded in doing was making Subaru feel guilty for wanting what his heart wanted. It wasn’t <i>really</i> Subaru’s fault that Yasu was feeling hurt.

Maybe he was stupid for getting involved with someone like Subaru. Maybe this whole time he’d been setting himself up to be hurt. Subaru had <i>never once</i> promised Yasu anything. He’d never promised to forget Rikiya or to love Yasu more.

Any pain Yasu felt at that moment was not because of Subaru, but because of his own expectations.

On the walk home from school, Yasu went the long way, deciding to use the extra time to think more. He needed to apologize to Subaru, to let him know that despite whatever happened he wasn’t ready to abandon what they had. Maybe it would lead nowhere, maybe Subaru would never get over Rikiya... but Yasu was happy with Subaru. When it came down to it, Subaru was the most important person in the world to him and he didn’t want to lose that.

When he rounded the corner and the shop came into view, any calmness he was feeling about the situation disappeared as he spotted Ohkura heading into the shop. His heart sinking into the pit of his stomach, Yasu took off at a run towards the shop. Whatever Ohkura was doing there, couldn’t be good.

By the time he finally made it into the shop, he knew it was already to late to do anything, so he stood, frozen in place as he watched the scene in front of him.

“What is this?” Ohkura asked, his voice shaking. “I knew something suspicious was going on. You and Yasu always seem to be hiding something,” he spoke to Maru. “But I never would have imagined it was this.”

“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s wrong,” Daisuke spoke, trying to calm Ohkura down. Maru looked unable to speak and Subaru looked terrified.

“So what? You were just going to go behind my back and start something with Subaru?” Ohkura asked, his voice full of hate and anger.

“It’s not like they’ve been meeting me in secret,” Subaru finally spoke up. “This was the first time they’ve come here. I swear.”

“I wasn’t talking to you!” Ohkura spat at Subaru. “All you do is lie anyway!”

Subaru shut his mouth then, a hurt expression plastering itself to his face.

That was about as much as Yasu needed to hear though so he finally made his presence known, stepping towards Ohkura. “He’s not lying. Not about this and not about Rikiya. He’s never lied to you but you’ve always been too proud to listen,” Yasu spoke, defending his boyfriend. “If anyone here has been lying, it’s me. I’ve been seeing Subaru this whole time.”

Ohkura’s face switched from confusion, to shock, to disgust and Yasu felt horrible for lying to him but he’d never been ashamed of his relationship with Subaru. He wouldn’t change it or take it back or hide it, so in the end it was Ohkura’s own fault that Yasu ever felt he had to be dishonest.

“Seeing him?” Ohkura asked, finally finding his voice.

Yasu nodded, stepping towards Subaru and taking his hand. “We’re dating.”

Ohkura was shaking with anger and for the first time in his life, Yasu felt really scared of someone. “That’s it,” Ohkura spoke, his voice eerily calm. “Yasu. You’re out of the band.” With that, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the music shop.


End Chapter 16

Revolving - Chapter 16

When Yasuda woke up the next morning, the events of the previous evening immediately came flooding back into the front of his mind. Smiling, he brought his hands to his warm cheeks. He couldn't believe everything that had happened. After months of Subaru's wavering feelings, Yasu finally had a clear idea of where he stood in Subaru's life.

The situation wasn't ideal. Yasu was willing to admit that it hurt to hear Subaru say that he still had lingering feelings for Rikiya. But all of that pain was easy to forget when he told himself that Subaru also had feelings for him. To Yasu, it wasn't important that Subaru still had feelings for Rikiya, because he knew that with time, those feelings would disappear for good. If he showed Subaru enough love, how could he possibly keep thinking about Rikiya?

Yasu's grin widened and his blush deepened as his thoughts wandered back to exactly what he'd done the night before. It seemed surreal that they'd officially crossed the line of friendship and for Yasu, there was no going back now. He could feel the first stirrings of arousal as he remembered the way Subaru tasted and the sounds he made and how happy Yasu felt to just lay beside him. Already, he couldn't wait to do it again.

Then, the thought occurred to him that now it was only a matter of time before they took the physical side of their relationship even further. His stomach flopped in a mixture of nervousness and excitement at the thought of going all the way with Subaru.

He wondered, as he climbed out of bed, if Subaru was a virgin like him. Had he done it with Rikiya? He shook his head as he got dressed, trying to push those thoughts far from his mind. It didn't matter what he'd done with Rikiya. What was important was that Subaru would be with him from then on.

Even though he tried to push those thoughts from his mind, he couldn't tear the sex-related fears from the forefront of his brain. As he left his house and rounded the corner towards the music shop where Subaru worked, he hoped that his boyfriend would be waiting for him. When it appeared that Subaru wasn't there, Yasu waited and as the minutes stretched on, his stomach was filled with an uneasiness.

Was Subaru going to push him away again? After what they'd just done, was Subaru already having second thoughts? Yasu's stomach twisted itself into knots so tight, he feared he might throw up. Just as the tears were about sprang to his eyes, Yasu hear a familiar voice call, "Sorry I'm late."

Turning to face the voice, Yasu was greeted with the sight of a very tired looking Subaru. Ignoring his boyfriend's sleepy disposition, Yasu smiled brightly. "I thought you weren't coming."

Subaru didn't respond, reaching for Yasu's hand and pulling him down the street. The silence settled over the pair, and Yasu was happy just relishing in the warmth of Subaru's hand. The only thing that would make the morning better was if Subaru didn't have to drop his hand and fall out of step behind Shota. He wished, more than anything in the world, that he could walk past the school gates with Subaru's hand held tightly in his own. He wanted to be able to eat with Subaru at lunch and whisper to him during classes.

He'd never liked having to hide his relationship with Subaru. If he had his way, he would spend all of his time, both in school and outside of it, with Subaru. But Subaru was being thoughtful enough in always considering his feelings, so returning the favor was the least he could do. Hopefully, someday Subaru would be comfortable enough to let their peers know about their relationship. And if it didn't happen during high school, then once they graduated there would be nothing holding him back.

"Hey Yasu," Maruyama called from where he was standing by the doors of the entrance. As soon as Yasu got close enough, Maru grabbed Yasu's arm and leaned close as they walked through the doors. "How are things with Subaru-kun?"

"Things are good," Yasu replied with a blush as he remembered the event of the previous night.

The blush didn't go unnoticed by Maru, and he was about to ask before Ohkura joined the pair, "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" both Maru and Yasu quickly replied as they removed their outdoor shoes.

Ohkura looked back and forth between his two bandmate, eyeing them suspiciously. “What are you two hiding?”

Yasu looked over at Maru, his eyes wide in fear. Things were starting to look up between him and Subaru and Ohkura finding out right now would be the worst possible thing to have happen. Yasu would like to think that there was no more hesitation from Subaru, but he knew that was expecting to much. He was happy with the direction that things were going, but he wasn't stupid enough to think that the previous night could erase all of Subaru's existing fears.

Maruyama seemed to sense Yasu's dilemma, and he turned to Ohkura. "We're not hiding anything," he reassured Ohkura in a way that only Maru could.

Ohkura narrowed his eyes and looked back and forth between the pair for a moment. Maru smiled calmly at him and that seemed to put any of Ohkura's doubts at rest for the time being. Shaking his head, he began, "I just wanted to tell you two that rehearsal is cancelled today. My dad needs me home early so I can't make it."

"Okay," Yasu nodded, a smile spreading across his face. It felt like it had been ages since he visited Subaru at the shop and now he'd get the chance. He hoped that Ryo wouldn't be there so that he could have time alone with Subaru.

"You don't have to be so happy about it," Ohkura mumbled, eyeing Yasu grumpily.

"Ah," Yasu frowned, remembering that his friends were still standing there watching him drift off into Subaru fantasy land. "I didn't mean it like that..."

"Just forget about it," Ohkura told him, turning to leave.

As soon as the drummer was out of sight, Maru sighed and turned to Yasu. "You are so transparent!"

"I'm sorry," Yasu mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Well, I think it's cute," Maru commented, ruffling Yasu's hair. "But if you want to keep it a secret, you should probably try harder not to stand around blushing with that goofy smile on your face."

Yasu's blush only deepened at Maru's comment and he reached up to touch his warm cheeks. "Is it obvious?"

"That you're in love?" Maru teased, making kissy faces at Yasu.

"Stop that," Yasu laughed, pushing Maru away.

"Yasu's in love?" A voice spoke up behind them, and when the pair turned around, Daisuke was standing only inches behind them, listening in with an interested look on his face.

"No!" Maru and Yasu shouted in unison for the second time that day.

Quickly sharing a look, Maru took charge of the situation once more. "Did you hear that rehearsal is canceled?" He changed the subject, hoping that Ishigaki would forget whatever he'd heard of the conversation he'd been having with Yasu.

"Really? Awesome. I have a test tomorrow I should really study for," Daisuke grinned and then turning to Yasu, he asked, "So who are you in love with?"

Yasu looked over at Maru, a desperate look on his face. He knew that he'd been depending on Maru way too much to help him out of whatever holes he dug himself into regarding Subaru, but he had no idea what to do.

Maru looked over at Yasu, "I think we can trust him..."

Yasu hesitated. He didn't know Daisuke very well. The other boy was a year younger than him and the only interaction they really had was during rehearsal or the occasional conversation at the lunch table. But he knew that Maru was good friends with the second year and he trusted Maru. The bassist had gone out of his way to protect him and his relationship, so if he thought that Daisuke was trustworthy, then he'd believe him. He nodded at Maru.

Maru grabbed Daisuke's arm, dragging him into one of the more quiet corridors of the school. "You have to promise to keep this a secret."

Daisuke nodded excitedly. "What is it?"

"Yasu's kinda dating someone in the school..." Maru began slowly, seeming to test Daisuke's reaction.

"Seriously?" Daisuke asked excitedly, his voice growing louder. "Who is it?"

"Shhh," Yasu quieted his bandmate, looking around to make sure there were no eavesdroppers. "It's Subaru."

Daisuke stood for a moment, and if Yasu wasn't so nervous, he would have laughed at the reaction. For a moment, Daisuke's face was blank and then as if Yasu could see the wheels turning in Daisuke's head, he quickly went quickly from confused to shocked. "Wait. Like Subaru Subaru? As in the Subaru that used to be in Revolver?"

Maru nodded, holding his finger to his lips to quiet Daisuke. "Yeah, but be quiet!"

"Wait," Daisuke shook his head. "You're dating Subaru?" he asked Yasu, his face returning to confused.

Yasu nodded his head, feeling a mixture of nervousness and excitement at finally being able to tell someone. "Yeah."

"That's great!" Daisuke grinned, clapping a hand on Yasu's shoulder.

"You don't care?" Yasu asked, surprised at Daisuke's reaction. The younger boy not only didn't care that he was dating Subaru, the band's sworn enemy, but he didn't seem fazed that Yasu was dating a guy.

"Why would I care?" Daisuke asked. "No offense, but it doesn't really surprise me that you swing that way. And I have nothing against Subaru. I already told you that I think it was a mistake to have kicked him out of the band. But by now, you must know how Ohkura is. He told us not to talk to Subaru and that was that. I always felt kind of bad about it..."

"Me too," Maru frowned. "I kind of wish I would have said something back then. I miss Subaru. The band isn't the same without him."

Daisuke nodded and it seemed that for the time being the pair forgot that Yasu was standing right there as they reminisced about when Subaru had still been in the band. "Hey," Daisuke began, "Maybe we should apologize."

Maru nodded, "I've been thinking the same thing lately. That whole thing with Rikiya really bugs me."

Yasu shifted uncomfortably at the mention of Rikiya's name. Shaking off the uneasiness that always crept upon him at the mention of Rikiya, Yasu told his bandmates, "I'm sure Subaru would appreciate the apology."

"Let's go after school then," Daisuke exclaimed excitedly. "It's perfect since we don't have rehearsal today."

Maru nodded enthusiastically. "The sooner, the better, right?"

Yasu frowned, "No but..."

Daisuke seemed to ignore whatever protests Yasu was trying to make as he nodded at Maru. "Does he still work at the music shop?"

Maru nodded. "Yeah. Should we go after school?"

As Daisuke and Maru made their plans, Yasu took to pouting and crossed his arms over his chest. He'd wanted the time alone in the shop with Subaru. He was glad that Maru and Daisuke wanted to apologize to Subaru. Afterall, Subaru had done nothing wrong in dating Rikiya. It hurt Yasu to think about it, but Subaru had been in love with Rikiya and in the end he was punished for that love. Subaru deserved the apology, but that didn't stop Yasu from pouting selfishly. He wanted Subaru for himself that afternoon but Maru and Daisuke were insistent on ruining that for him.

By the time Yasu snapped out of his pout, Maru and Daisuke were halfway down the hall and the chime signaling the beginning of classes was ringing.Yasu hurried to catch up with his two bandmates and by the time he did, Maru and Daisuke were saying their goodbyes at the doorway of the classroom.

Once Daisuke was gone, Yasu followed his friend into the classroom. “Wait. Maru,” he called out, trailing after the taller boy.

“You’re late! Sit down,” Murakami scolded the two, effectively putting and end to whatever conversation Yasu had been trying to start with his friend.

Plopping down in his chair, Yasu stared hard at the back of Maru’s head. After a few moments of glaring, his attention shifted to Subaru. Looking over at his boyfriend, and now lover, a pink blush covered his cheeks as he recalled, for the millionth time, what had happened the previous night.

In fact, once the memory entered his head, he couldn’t dislodge it. Focusing on Murakami’s lesson became impossible with Subaru sitting so close. All Yasu could think about was the way Subaru tasted, and the noises he made, and the way he was writhing against his bed in pleasure as Yasu’s mouth worked over him.

And the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to do it again. Of course he was a normal teenager and he’d thought about sex before. But until recently, it had only been fantasies about girls and that was all he’d ever really considered. But since he’d met Subaru, all of the ideals he’d had about losing his virginity had slowly begun to change.

He was nervous about going all the way with Subaru, but Yasu had never wanted someone the way he wanted Subaru. If he stopped to think about it, he would realize how strange and surreal it was that all of his expectations about sex had been flipped around when he’d met Subaru. Until this moment, he hadn’t seriously thought about it.

He’d never fully stopped to think about his feelings for Subaru and what they met. Subaru was just a person, and Yasu just happened to be extremely attracted to him. After realizing that, he wasn’t scared. He didn’t know if it meant he was gay and he didn’t think he should be ashamed. He knew better than to stress over the fact that he had romantic feelings for Subaru. It was just the way things were.

But he was nervous about the sex. Not that he didn’t want it. Even before he’d made his feelings clear to Subaru, he’d entertained the idea of a physical relationship in his head -- whether it was simply in his desire to kiss Subaru or hold him, Yasu had been thinking about it for a long time.

In the end, the thing Yasu was most worried about was whether or not he’d be able to go through with it. Though the desire was there, burning strongly under the surface, the thought of actually being fully intimate with Subaru was enough to turn Yasu into a stuttering pile of nerves.

And that’s why he was so amazed that yesterday he’d been able to do it so easily. When it came down to it, in the heat of the moment, Yasu’s desire to be with Subaru, to feel that physical connection, outweighed any other fears or doubts he had.

But they still hadn’t gone that far and if Yasu thought carefully about it and its implications, he knew all of that nervousness would come flooding back. For now though, his mind was occupied with the previous night and the only thing Yasu felt was desire pooling in the pit of his stomach.

Glancing over at Subaru for the millionth time that day, the desire only intensified itself. Shifting in his seat in attempt to control the effect these thoughts were having on his anatomy, Yasu thought that perhaps this when beyond desire.

He’d felt desire before. Or at least he thought he had. Desire, he’d always thought, was fiercely wanting something. He’d desired having friends, and good grades and even a pretty girlfriend in the past. But this situation was completely different. He felt like he needed Subaru.

At that moment, it took every ounce of Yasu’s self control to keep from reaching over to Subaru. He wanted to feel the warmth of Subaru’s thigh under his palm and he wanted to be able to slide his hand up that expanse of skin and wrap it around Subaru intimately. He wanted to feel the weight of Subaru in his hand, and he wanted to hear him moan once more.

Yasu almost groaned with how much he wanted it. And Subaru seemed to notice the way Yasu was constantly looking at him, which in turn made Yasu wonder if perhaps Subaru was thinking about the same thing because every time their eyes met, a blush would color Subaru’s cheeks. And that only made Yasu want him more.

Yasu sighed and when Maru turned around to glare at him he realized that he must have been making exasperated sounds all morning. Normally, Maru’s glare would have been enough to quiet him, afterall... it was uncommon for Maru to show annoyance. But today, Yasu didn’t care. Maru was part of Yasu’s restlessness. He wouldn’t be half as frustrated at that moment if Maru and Daisuke weren’t planning on ambushing Subaru during their alone time. So really it was Maru’s fault that he couldn’t indulge in his fantasy of getting Subaru alone in the stockroom of the music shop, pulling his pants down as he kneeled in front of the long-haired boy and took him into his mouth.

Yasu sighed loudly again and this time several of his classmates turned around to look at him. From the corner of his eye, he could see that Subaru was also watching him and though he knew it was dangerous, he couldn’t resist turning to look at his boyfriend.

Subaru looked embarrassed the moment their eyes met and he quickly turned away as if he knew exactly what Yasu was thinking. Which could only mean that he’d been thinking about it too. And that made Yasu nervous. What did Subaru think about it? he wondered. Was it good for him? Did he like it? Did he want Yasu to do it again?

He glanced over at Subaru again, wishing that he could read the other boy’s mind. It had suddenly occurred to him that perhaps Subaru hadn’t enjoyed it as much as he had. Afterall, he hadn’t said anything afterwards. Or this morning.

Continue to Part 2

Blue With Envy

Title: Blue with Envy
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Yasuba
Summary: Yasu is overwhelmed with jealousy during a taping of Janiben. Possessive/S Yasu. Based on this pic/episode and written for anippan  ♥


Yasuda Shota wasn't the type of person to get jealous easily. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he really felt jealous over anything. Especially not when it came to Subaru.

Subaru was flirty by nature. Yasu had learned long ago not to get jealous when Subaru's attention -- his touches, his loving expressions, his outrageous teasing -- switched to another member. When it was Maru he could laugh because the bassist played along so well. Or when it was Hina or Yoko who just shifted uncomfortably under the attention. Or even Ryo, who became awkwardly adorable and tried to run away.

Or even when Subaru's attention shifted to one of the female guests on the show, Yasu could shrug it off as though it was no big deal. Afterall, Subaru was just trying to make things funny. Make the show interesting.

But this was something different all together.

Maybe it was because Subaru wasn't initiating the contact. Or perhaps because he didn't know this girl. He couldn't be sure that she had absolutely no sexual interest in Subaru like he could with the other members.

When Michibata put her hand on Subaru, a pang of jealousy shot through Yasu's entire body. The way her long, delicate fingers -- so unlike Yasu's short, stubby ones -- curled around Subaru's shoulder in such an intimate manner had Yasu's blood nearly boiling. The worst part of it all was that Subaru was just sitting there, letting her do it!

Did they have something going on? Had Subaru slept with this woman? Was he going to leave Yasu for this... this whore? All these questions flooded Yasu's confused head. He knew that Subaru would have told him if there was something between them. Or he wanted to believe that. But why was he letting her touch him like this? In a way that only he should be allowed to touch Subaru?

For a moment he was shocked at his own reaction. Where was all of this coming from? He wasn't the jealous type! Especially not when it came to Subaru. But as he watched Michibata Angelica lean in close to Subaru, her nose practically rubbing against his pulse, he felt his body almost shaking. And why was she tilting her head like she was about to kiss him?

If Yasu thought that trying to keep the ugly jealousy from his face was hard, it was nothing compared to the living hell of sitting through the rest of the taping. In the back of his mind, he knew that if he just took a minute to think about it, he'd realize that it was just a television show. Angelica was doing it because it was interesting, and Subaru was going along with it because it was what he was getting paid to do. But all rationality had flown out the window the moment this stupid segment had started.

So as soon as the director told them that the filming was over, Yasu shot up out of his seat and marched forward to where Subaru was still sitting on the colorful vinyl couches. Yanking him up, probably with a little more force than he'd intended, Yasu began dragging Subaru off to the back.

"Yasu," Hina called out. "We might have to do a couple of re-shoots."

Yasu ignored Hina's call though, as he dragged Subaru off of the set and through the backstage area.

"What are you doing?" Subaru finally asked, trying to wiggle his arm out of Yasu's viselike grip.

Yasu ignored the question, tightening his grip on the arm as he tugged Subaru down a deserted hallway. Glancing around one final time, Yasu loosened the grip finally, grabbing Subaru by the shoulders and pushing him against the wall.

Before Subaru had a chance to say anything, Yasu brought their lips together in a hot kiss and pinned the older man against the wall. Deepening the kiss, Subaru's tongue slipped past his Yasu's lips and Yasu sucked on it eagerly as he pushed his leg between Subaru's thighs.

Subaru broke the kiss for air, pushing his head against the wall and trying to bring space between his face and Yasu's. "Not that I'm complaining," Subaru smiled, "But what's this all about?"

Yasu pushed his hand up Subaru's shirt, teasing at his boyfriend's nipples. The action seemed to quiet Subaru's curiosity, and Yasu smirked as his lover's head fell against the wall. Leaning forward, his lips suctioned onto Subaru's neck, his tongue lathing the area where Michibata had been sniffing. He smirked to himself as his saliva coated Subaru's throat. If she decided to sniff Subaru now, all she would smell is him and Yasu felt strangely satisfied at that realization.

His satisfaction only increased as Subaru began rubbing himself wantonly against Yasu's thigh. Bringing his lips to Subaru's ear, he sucked the lobe between his teeth and pressed his leg against the other man's crotch. "Do you want me?" Yasu asked, his breath coming out hot in Subaru's ear.

"Yesss," Subaru hissed, his cock straining against his pants as he rubbed himself against Yasu, desperate for some kind of relief.

The younger man's hand slipped out of Subaru's shirt, reaching down to grip at Subaru through his pants. "More than anyone else?" he continued as his fingers rubbed vigorously, through the fabric, at the head of Subaru's swollen dick.

The only sound that came from Subaru's mouth was a strangled cry as he arched his back off the wall and pushed himself into Yasu's hand.

Yasu released his grip on Subaru, stepping away from his lover's body. Subaru cried out at the loss, lifting his head and blinking up at Yasu. "Please."

Yasu wetted his lips with his tongue, appraising the situation. He wanted Subaru. Bad. Looking around, he wondered if perhaps doing this here was a bad idea. Glancing back at Subaru, who was panting and watching him with eyes full of desire, Yasu stopped thinking about getting caught. Who cares if they got caught? Maybe then, people would think twice before going around sniffing other people's boyfriends.

In the back of his mind, Yasu knew how ridiculous he was being. No one was trying to steal Subaru away from him. But that didn't stop him from wanting Subaru at that moment. Needing him. He came back to Subaru, his fingers playing at the hem of Subaru's shirt. A sweatshirt over a button up shirt. Silently cursing the wardrobe department, he contemplated whether it would be worth his time to remove those articles of clothing.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around Subaru's wait, pushing his pelvis against Subaru's. He wanted to feel how much Subaru wanted him. Rubbing his cock against Subaru's, he moaned, burying his face against his boyfriend's neck as he enjoyed the friction.

"Shota, please," Subaru moaned, his hands sliding around Yasu, gripping his ass as  he tried to rub himself harder against Yasu's body.

Yasu wasn't ready to give Subaru what he wanted. Not until he was begging for it. He stopped grinding against Subaru, and whispered against his neck, "What do you want?"

Subaru only moaned in response, pushing his hips forward at Yasu. Smirking, Yasu unbuttoned Subarus pants, dipping his hand into Subaru's boxers and trailing his fingers through Subaru's pubic hair. He gasped again, trying to push his cock into Yasu's hand. "Touch me."

Yasu shivered, the tone of Subaru's voice sending shivers down his spine. It wasn't often that he had such complete control, that he was able to make Subaru beg like this. Wrapping his forefinger and thumb around the base of Subaru's dick he gave a couple of tugs, watching as Subaru's body started to go limp against the wall.

"More," he panted, trying to thrust himself into Yasu's warm hand.

Yasu wasn't having it, however, and he slid his hand tantalizingly slow up to the tip of Subaru's cock before removing his hand from his boyfriend's underwear.

Subaru sighed in frustration, watching as Yasu brought his hand to his lips, his tongue darting out to lick the sticky precum from his fingertips.

Yasu smirked at Subaru's frustration as he licked the arousal from his fingers. He watched, the arousal growing, as Subaru pushed his boxers down far enough until his dick sprang free from it's confines. As Subaru reached down to wrap his hand around himself, Yasu swatted his hand away. "I didn't say you could touch yourself."

Subaru was panting now, watching Yasu with complete desire. A shiver ran down Yasu's spine as he wondered if he'd ever seen Subaru look quite so helplessly wild. "I want you. Please."

Those words had Yasu incredibly turned on, and as much as he wanted to drag this out, to see how much Subaru would take before he completely came undone, this wasn't the time or the place. Yasu reached down, unfastening his pants and pulling his own cock out.

The hunger in Subaru's eyes intensified as he watched Yasu push his hips forward, the heads of their cocks rubbing clumsily against one another. Both men let out a moan, and if Yasu was in his right mind, he would have been embarrassed at the volume. Sliding their cocks together, Yasu wrapped his hand around both of them. Pulling his hips back Yasu moaned at the friction caused as his dick slid against Subaru's.

Yasu looked down the tight space between their bodies, watching Subaru's beautiful cock rub against his own as the older man jerked into Shota's fist. When Subaru's movements became faster and Yasu saw him creep towards orgasm, he released the grip he had their cocks. Subaru growled in frustration, opening his eyes and looking at Yasu in annoyance.

"Do you want me?" Yasu asked again, his arms sliding around Subaru's waist. Slowly, he started moving, rubbing their cocks together, gently, teasingly.

"You know I do," Subaru ground out as Yasu's middle finger disappeared between his cheeks and started teasing at his opening.

"More than anyone else?" he asked once more, thinking again about how Subaru had let Michibata Angelica touch him.

"Yes," Subaru moaned as the first knuckle of Yasu's finger penetrated him. He moaned loudly as his body seemed unable to decide whether it wanted more of Yasu's digit inside of him, or more of the delicious friction Yasu was causing as he rubbed their cocks together.

Pushing his finger deep inside of Subaru, a place where only he was allowed to touch, Yasu grinned in satisfaction as his boyfriend squeezed his eyes shut and let out a moan. He pulled his finger slowly from Subaru's tight hole and when he pushed it back in, it was joined by a second finger.

Subaru began writhing against the wall, searching desperately for something to cling to as he began riding Yasu's fingers. The sight was almost too much for Yasu, who quickly pulled his fingers from Subaru's body a final time. Uncontrollable desire filled his body as and the need to feel Subaru grew. "Do you want me to fuck you, Subaru?" Yasu asked, his voice coming out in a dangerous whisper.

"Yes," Subaru returned in a whisper, squirming against the cool concrete wall in anticipation.

Yasu wasn't going to make him wait. He didn't even think he could. Making quick work of removing their pants, Yasu kicked the discarded clothing into the corner.

Grabbing Subaru's left thigh, he hoisted the leg over his hip, moaning as it tilted his boyfriend's hips forward and caused his cock to fall between Subaru's ass cheeks. Unable to resist the desire to feel Subaru wrapped around him, Yasu pushed his hips forward, burying himself inside of his lover.

They both let out another moan as Yasu's cock disappeared into Subaru's body. Still gripping Subaru's thigh, Yasu braced himself against the wall with his free arm as he withdrew from Subaru. Subaru's arms wound around Yasu's neck as they thrust against each other.

"All mine," Yasu ground out, his thrusts coming faster and harder as neared his orgasm.

Subaru nodded, burying his face against Shota's sweaty nape as his own body tensed. "All yours," he confirmed, squeezing his eyes shut as he came undone.

Yasu felt Subaru go limp, felt his warm cum seeping through the fabric of his shirt. Most of all, he felt Subaru's muscles squeezing around him and that in combination with Subaru's confirmation that he belonged to Yasu, caused the younger man to shake as he spilled himself inside of Subaru.

Releasing his grip on Subaru's thigh, both men slid down the wall into a panting pile of on the cold, dirty floor. Neither spoke as they took several minutes to catch their breaths.

It was Subaru who finally broke the silence. "Damn. I never knew you were so sexy when you're jealous."

Yasu, now that his mind was clear, had the decency to blush. "I don't like watching other people touch you."

Subaru reached forward, cuddling into Yasu's body. They both knew that they should clean up and get dressed. It would be hard explaining what they were doing naked from the waist down if someone were to turn that corner and find them. But the moment was nice, and Yasu didn't want to ruin it as he wrapped his arms around Subaru.

"But you know," Subaru said, his fingers tickling at the small of Yasu's back. "This just makes me want to go out and find more ways to make you jealous."

All Yasu could do was sigh at Subaru's words and curse himself for creating a monster.



Revoling - Chapter 15

Chapter 15

As Yasuda watched Subaru run, he was torn between chasing after him and confronting the still sobbing Ishihara. Ishihara buried her face against her knees, mumbling once more, "I'm so sorry."

Yasu paused in his haste to follow after Subaru. He turned to Ishihara, and opened his mouth to speak. What she had done was cruel and wrong, and Yasuda knew that he should be furious with her for what she had done. He understood how she felt though. He knew all about the bitterness that welled up inside when you realize that the person you love is in love with someone else.

What Maru had said was true, though. Yasuda cared about Subaru enough that he would never dream of hurting him. There was a difference there. He genuinely wanted Subaru’s happiness and if he was happiest with Rikiya, then he would want them to be together.

She looked up at him, her cheeks tear-stained. "I'm so stupid."

Yasuda shook his head. He didn't know what to think of Ishihara. He thought that he could understand her feelings, but underneath it all she was selfish and what she had done was cruel. He’d trusted her with the secret once, but could she really be trusted after this?

“I’m so sorry, Yasuda-kun.”

He bit his lip, looking at the crying girl before him. He hated crying girls. How many times had he made his sister cry when they were rough housing only to have it end like this -- with Yasu trying desperately to make things right even when they weren’t necessarily his fault.

“I don’t know if I can trust you anymore,” Shota said. “You have a big secret that you know could hurt me and could hurt Subaru, so I guess there really isn’t anything I can do to stop you. But Maruyama is right. If you cared about me at all, you wouldn’t do this.”

“I know. I know that. I’m sorry.” Her sobbing picked up again and she took off her glasses to wipe at her eyes.

“I really like Subaru. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to return your feelings because of that. But what you were planning to do is just cruel.”

“I know,” She looked up and met his eyes. “Can you forgive me?”

Shota paused, looking down at her tear-stained face. “I can forgive you for what you were about to do, but I can’t forgive you if you keep acting this way.”

“I won’t tell anyone. I really mean it this time.” Both her face and her voice were genuine, and Yasu wanted to believe that she meant it.

Quickly, he acknowledge her promise, before hurrying from the rooftop to search for Subaru.


Yasu knew it wasn't a good sign that Subaru wasn't in class when he returned from lunch. There was an overwhelming sense of deja vu. Every time Subaru tried to end things, to push Yasu away, he disappeared. Maybe he thought that Yasu could forget him if he wasn't there.

There wasn't anywhere that Subaru could hide that would make Yasuda forget about him. Even after he left for Tokyo, Yasu would still think about him. Dream about him. Remember the way he felt, the way his lips tasted. He would never forget Subaru.

No matter how much it hurt to remember, he knew that it would hurt more to forget him. Subaru had already become a part of him. When Subaru finally left, he would be taking a part of Shota with him. There would be a hole left in his heart that would be impossible to refill.

It was so hard for him not to go after Subaru but he knew that if Ohkura came back from lunch and found them both missing, he would be suspicious. So Yasuda had to try to be patient until the end of the school day before he could go after Subaru.

When Maruyama wheeled around him, glaring a bit as Shota's leg thumped nervously against the back of his chair, Shota could do nothing but smile sheepishly and apologize. There was nothing he could do to calm his nerves.  He felt that the longer he waited to go after Subaru, the more of a gap would spread between them.

Subaru could be sitting at home, thinking about how being with Shota wasn't worth the pain or the trouble. Every second that passed, the chance of proving to Subaru that the relationship was worth the risk grew smaller.

When the end of the day finally came, and Murakami dismissed the class, Shota grabbed his bag and shot from the classroom. He could hear Ohkura yelling something about practice behind him, but Shota had far more important things to do than go to practice. Shouldering his backpack, Yasuda scurried from the school building. He would have to apologize later.

His first stop, as he jogged down the street, the concrete storm drains lids creaking under his feet, was the music shop. He ran nearly the entire way there, pushing the door open only long enough to scan the shop for any sign of Subaru.

Ryo looked up from his spot at the counter where he was sorting through a bucket of guitar picks. "If you're looking for Subaru, he's not here. But if you find the jerk, tell him I really could use some help today! It's inventory week!"

Shota wasn't listening to Ryo as he closed the door. All he needed to hear was that Subaru wasn't there.  Turning away from the shop, he resumed his jog towards Subaru's house.

He paused outside of the house, straightening his hair and jacket before opening the gate and jogging up the three steps to the door of the Shibutani household. He pressed the doorbell, trying to squeeze out of sight of the peephole should Subaru see him and choose not to open the door.

After a few moments, the door swung open to reveal Subaru's mom. "Shota-kun! You came to see Subaru?" She held the door open, sidling off to the  right to allow Shota room to squeeze through the doorway.

Yasu nodded, removing his shoes as Subaru's mother closed the door. "Is he home?"

Taeko nodded her head, leading Shota towards the staircase. "He's up in his room sleeping. He came home at lunchtime because he wasn't feeling well."

Shota bit his lip and nodded his head. So Subaru was faking sick to avoid him again.

"Did something happen, Shota?" His mother asked, concern leaking into her voice.

Yasu paused, wondering how much of their relationship it was okay to divulge. Clearly, she knew that Subaru and Rikiya had been more friends. And she had sensed that there was something between him and her son long before even Shota realized it. Yasuda just sighed in response.

"It's Rikiya, right?" She asked, leaning against the wall.

Shota looked up, noticing for the first time how much she looked like her son. They both had the same wide expressive eyes, the same long silky black hairstyle, and even as she stood leaning against the wall, Yasuda couldn't help but notice that their postures was strikingly similar. He acknowledged her question with a sigh.

Reaching forward, she patted Yasuda's head. "I'm rooting for you, Shota!"

Yasu tried to take Taeko’s encouragement, but there was a feeling that had wrapped itself around him, entwining itself within his soul, that it was too late. He wondered how many times Subaru would be scared out of opening himself up before he just gave up all together.

He couldn't voice those fears to Taeko though, not when she was smiling at him that way. He wasn't one to give up though, so he would at least try to convince Subaru that it was still worth another try. Returning the older woman's smile, Shota walked towards the stairs leading to the second floor. "I'll try my best."

As he slowly climbed the stairs to Subaru's room, he found himself wondering what exactly he was going to say to Subaru. The one thing that Subaru had been most afraid of had happened. Subaru had placed his trust in him, decided to open himself up a little more and Shota knew he had taken advantage of that situation. He'd been careless and had gotten too comfortable and now Shota couldn’t help but feel like he had betrayed Subaru’s trust.

Finding himself on the landing at the top of the stairs, Shota hesitated once again in going any further. He knew that Subaru didn’t want to see him. He knew though that if he didn’t talk to Subaru, he was risking losing him. With a deep breath, he marched forward towards Subaru’s bedroom and cautiously opened the door.

Poking his head inside, the first thing he noticed was how dark the room was. For a moment, he thought that maybe Subaru wasn’t home but then his muffled voice floated out from underneath the pile of blankets on his bed. “I’m trying to sleep.”

Shota froze at the sound of Subaru’s voice, contemplating turning around and leaving. Taking a deep breath though, he opened the door fully and entered the room. When he finally worked up the courage to speak, all that came out was a tiny, “Subaru?”

It was enough for Subaru to shoot straight up, the blankets falling from his body to reveal a confused expression. “What are you doing here?”

As Shota had already imagined, Subaru’s voice sounded cold and distant. Struggling to find words, Shota shifted uncomfortably. “I was worried about you.”

Subaru watched him silently, and after a few minutes, Shota felt uncomfortable. He wondered whether Subaru was going to say anything until finally, after an unbearable silence, he finally spoke. “I’m not feeling well. Can we talk later?”

Shota paused for a second, considering Subaru’s request. He knew that Subaru was trying to avoid him, so he pressed on, “I think we should talk now.” Shota reached over, flicking on the light switch and flooding the room in light.

Shota saw the look of reluctance cross Subaru’s face and began wondering, before the conversation started, whether the relationship was a lost cause. “I’m sorry about what happened today,” Shota offered.

Subaru shook his head, but said nothing. From the look on his face, he appeared to be deep in thought, and Shota worried about what was going on in his head.

“Ishihara promised not to tell anyone,” Shota continued, hoping that that piece of information would help calm Subaru and reassure him that there were no problems.

“That’s good,” Subaru paused, “But I think that maybe we should cool it for now.”

Shota’s heart dropped. He realized that Subaru wasn’t saying it was over. But in Yasu’s head, he might as well have. He’d already grown used to Subaru’s pattern of pushing him away and he knew that ‘cooling it for now’ was as good as breaking up for good. “Why?”

Subaru looked up at him, their eyes meeting for the first time. From the look in Subaru’s eyes, Shota knew that his boyfriend felt the answer to that question was obvious. He continued anyway, “Because we’re going to get caught.”

“I don’t really mind,” Shota blurted. Up until that point, he hadn’t really considered officially coming out. Of course, he worried about what his parents and classmates would think, but Subaru made him happy. He liked Subaru, and he wasn’t ashamed of their relationship. But he knew that Subaru didn’t feel the same way. And the look on his face confirmed it.

“I do mind. I’ve told you that already.” Subaru sighed. “Can you just leave me alone to think for a while?”

Yasu bit his lip, his body swaying towards the door. But his mind was already made up. He didn’t want to lose Subaru. “I promise I won’t come near you at school.”

Subaru shook his head. “Its not good enough. We’re going to get caught no matter where are. Maru-chan found out about us at the shop.”

“But,” Shota began, a desperate tone to his voice, “that worked out, didn’t it? Maru is being supportive! And now you guys are okay, right?”

“This time it worked out okay. But what happens next time if it’s Ohkura?”

The desperation that Shota was feeling only increased as he crossed the room towards Subaru. He didn't really care if Ohkura found out, because the thought of losing Subaru had become far scarier than being kicked out of Revolver and shunned by his friends and classmates. Plopping down on the bed, he reached for Subaru's hands, but the long haired boy pulled them back immediately.

Don't.” Subaru muttered. “You always make this so much harder than it needs to be.”

Shota bit his lips, trying to keep any tears from welling up in his eyes. He fought to find words, something to say that would convince Subaru not to give up. But he was beginning to see that he was fighting a losing battle. “You're the one that's making it hard. You like me and I like you.”

Subaru shook his head again. “Its not that easy, because there are other people we have to think about.”

Shota looked away, unable to hold back the tears. He didn't understand Subaru's logic at all. There were no other people. As far as Shota was concerned, there was only Subaru. And as long as he had Subaru, he knew he'd be happy. He didn't care if Ohkura and the whole school knew, but he didn't seem to be able to convince Subaru.

Subaru sighed. “Don't cry... Okay? I'm not saying we can't be friends. I think that if we keep going the way we're going, it's going to end badly. Maybe after graduation, if we still feel the same way...”

Subaru’s words didn’t give Shota any relief. He knew that there was no hope after graduation. Subaru would leave to go to Tokyo. To be with Rikiya. Shota had been clinging to the hope that he could change Subaru’s mind. That if they spent enough time together, he could make Subaru forget about Rikiya. Shota had been wanted to fill the hole that Rikiya had left in Subaru’s heart, but now it seemed the chance was slipping away from him.

They’d never discussed the fact that Subaru was saving to go to Tokyo. Doing so would be too painful for Shota, and he was thankful to Subaru for realizing it. The fact that they’d never discussed it didn’t take away the reality for Shota, though. Staring at the floor, Shota contemplated bringing it up for the first time but when he opened his mouth, no words came out.

“What are you thinking about?” Subaru asked, and when Shota looked over, he realized that Subaru had been watching him.

“Nothing,” Shota lied. As he’d thought, talking about Rikiya and Subaru’s inevitable plan to be with him was too painful. As he stared down at his hands, he began to wonder when he’d become such a coward. He knew that if he felt a certain way, he should just say it. But as long as Subaru’s plan went unconfirmed, he could fool himself into thinking that it wouldn’t happen.

“Tell me,” Subaru urged.

Shota wasn’t ready to face the truth. If he told Subaru that he was thinking about Rikiya, he risked Subaru confirming that it was all true. A part of him was grateful to Subaru for not bringing it up, for having the decency to lie even when they knew that there was no chance of them being together after graduation. But there was an even bigger part of him that hated being lied to. He wanted Subaru to be honest with him, even if it hurt. Finding the courage, he opened his mouth and turned to Subaru. “Aren’t you going to be with Rikiya after graduation?”

Subaru looked shocked for a moment, but the expression quickly left his face. Though his disposition seemed cool, his voice betrayed him as his reply came out shakily, “I don’t know.”

That hadn’t been the answer that Shota had been expecting. As he had waited for Subaru’s reply, he’d fisted his hands into the sheets of Subaru’s bed, bracing himself for the painful truth. He’d been expecting a yes, or for Subaru to lie to him. But the answer he’d received was so ambiguous. In the moments that followed, Shota began searching his brain for the meaning behind such an answer. Did this mean that Subaru was having his doubts about being with Rikiya? That there was a chance that he could be with Subaru after graduation?

He’d already brought up the topic of Rikiya, and Shota knew he might never get another chance to ask. “Do you still want to be with him?”

Subaru hadn’t been expecting such a direct question, because when he turned to look at Shota, his face was etched in shock. He didn’t seem to know how to answer the question, but after a few moments he gave another, “I don’t know.”

“What does that mean?” Yasu blurted out. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but he was generally confused by Subaru’s answer. The idea of Subaru longing for Rikiya had long lodged itself in his brain and entwined itself in his heart, but now he no longer felt sure. He didn’t want to get his hopes up and believe that Subaru’s feelings for Rikiya were fading. But he needed to know.

“It means that I don’t know.” Subaru answered honestly. “I thought I wanted to be with Rikiya, but I don’t know anymore.”

Shota’s heart was beating rapidly, and he could already feel hope welling up in his chest. “Do you want to be with me then?”

Subaru looked away again, “I really like you.”

Shota perked up then, smiling and taking Subaru’s hand. There was still a chance.

“But,” Subaru pulled his hand away. “I meant what I said earlier. I think we should stop rushing so much. It’s not just about not getting caught. I still like Rikiya too and I don’t want to hurt you.”

Shota reached for Subaru’s hand again. “It’s not just your decision to make. I know you still like Rikiya. I’ve known that from the beginning.”

A mixture of confusion and frustration plastered itself to Subaru’s face. “Then why do you want to be with me?”

“Because I like you.” Shota smiled. “I don’t care if you still have feelings for Rikiya because as long as you also have feelings for me I know that there’s a chance.” From the look on Subaru’s face, Shota felt that maybe he was finally getting through to him. Leaning towards the long haired boy, Shota pressed his lips softly against Subaru's.

For a moment, Subaru seemed to melt into him, and then remembering his resolve, he tried pushing Shota away. But Shota only leaned further into him, weaving his fingers into Subaru's hair and bringing their bodies as close as possible.

Shota thought that this is what true happiness was. He could feel how fast Subaru's heart was beating against his own chest, the way Subaru had melted into the kiss as his hands reached out to rest on Shota's hips. Shota could feel his own heart was beating rapidly as he tried to memorize the warmth of Subaru's lips and the way they tasted. And the thing that was possibly making his heart race the most was the fact that Subaru liked him so much that he was already beginning to replace Rikiya.

The moment Shota let his guard down, let the happiness fully consume him, Subaru was pushing away. “Wait,” he began, “Are you listening to me, Yasu?”

Shota knew Subaru was still trying desperately to push him away, but now he was determined to keep it from happening. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to Subaru’s neck, latching onto his pulse and sucking.

“Yasu,” Subaru began, his voice breathier than before as he gripped Yasu’s shoulders and tried to push him away. “Stop for a minute,” he panted and Shota could feel Subaru shudder as his tongue continued to flutter over his skin.

Shota heard Subaru’s request but chose to ignore it as his hand found it’s way under Subaru’s shirt. Though he’d never touched another person, Shota was surprised to find that he didn’t feel at all nervous. He was still unsure of what to do with himself, but whether it was from the fear of losing Subaru to Rikiya or simply from the desire to feel more of Subaru’s warm skin under his fingertips, Shota continued trailing his fingers over Subaru’s ribcage.

Any protests that Subaru was trying to make seemed to fade away into a moan as Shota’s fingers found his nipple. A breathy, “Shota,” fell from Subaru’s lips as he tilted his head, giving Yasu better access to his neck.

For the past few months that Shota had known Subaru, he’d managed to fill a space in his heart that had previously only been meant for Rikiya. Shota wasn’t stupid though. He knew that Subaru still had feelings for Rikiya. It occurred to him that maybe it was foolish to be doing this when he wasn’t the only person that Subaru wanted.

He thought, though, that if he continued to give himself to Subaru this way, he could fill whatever remaining space was left for Rikiya. The way that Subaru was melting into his touch, mingled with the sweet noises he was making, made Shota positive that he could make Subaru forget all about Rikiya.

Brushing his thumb over Subaru’s nipple one final time, he let his hand slide down the other boy’s chest. Subaru immediately sat up straight as Shota’s fingers found their way to the waistband of Subaru’s sweatpants.

“Stop,” Subaru panted, pushing Shota back. He sat shocked for a minute as he stuggled to catch his breath. Finally chancing to look at Shota, he opened his mouth to speak, “What are you doing?”

Shota could feel his cheeks heating up and he realized that perhaps he had been rushing things. Unlike Subaru, however, Shota was more than willing to act on any desires he was feeling. He couldn’t find a reason to deny his desire for Subaru when they were both attracted to one another. “I want to touch you.”

Subaru sat frozen in place for a moment and Shota knew that he was struggling to find something to say to that comment. Not that Shota had any experience being intimate with someone, but he was positive that Subaru had been enjoying it as much as he had.

“Don’t you want me to?” Shota asked, though he already knew the real answer.

Subaru heaved a long sigh before attempting to answer Shota’s question. “It’s not that I don’t want you to. But I already told you that I still have feelings for Rikiya.”

“So?” Shota scooted closer to Subaru again, praying that he wouldn’t notice and push him away again.

“So I don’t want to do this with you until I’m sure about my feelings. I don’t want to end up hurting you,” Subaru explained, avoiding eye contact with Shota.

Yasu considered Subaru’s words. He was grateful to Subaru for being so considerate of his feelings, but he didn’t think that Subaru understood how he felt. For Shota, he was already so emotionally attached to Subaru that it would hurt if he went back to Rikiya -- regardless of whether or not they became physically intimate with one another. In his mind, the only thing that taking the relationship to an intimate level would do is bring them closer together. And push Rikiya further away.

“I don’t mind, Subaru.” Shota moved closer to Subaru again, placing his hand on Subaru’s knee. “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to. I already told you a million times that I know how you feel about Rikiya.” Sliding his hand up Subaru’s legs, dipping inward to tickle at his thighs, Shota continued, “If you like me, then you should take a chance.” He didn’t want to tell Subaru to forget about Rikiya, even if that’s what his mind was screaming for him to say.

His face was close enough to Subaru’s that he could feel the other boy’s breath on his lips. Their eyes locked for a moment and Shota had to hold in a gasp at the intensity of emotion in Subaru’s eyes. Subaru didn’t say anything, but Shota didn’t think that he had to. The reluctance and hesitation were still there, but there was an unmistakable amount of desire there too.

Shota’s stomach did a large flip, excitement coursing through his entire body. Excitement at what was about to happen, that Subaru seemed to want it as much as he did. It didn’t occur to Shota that Taeko was just downstairs, or even that perhaps Subaru was having second thoughts. He sealed his lips against Subaru’s, his hand once again finding the waistband of the sweatpants.

Shota pushed Subaru back, and the long-haired boy wordlessly complied as he lay back against the mattress. Yasu suddenly felt the nervousness that he had been expecting much earlier come on full force and froze for a few seconds, wondering what he was going to do. Of course, touching that particular body part wasn’t a mystery to Shota, but he worried that what felt good to him might not feel good to Subaru. Worst of all, it suddenly occurred to him that it was likely Subaru had done this with Rikiya many times before.

The butterflies of nervousness that had been fluttering in his belly suddenly turned to stones that sank deep into the pit of his stomach. Millions of thoughts filled his head at that moment. What if Rikiya was better? What if it made Subaru decide he was better matched with his ex?

Subaru seemed to have noticed the Shota’s nervousness and he propped himself up on his elbows to look at him. “Are you okay?”

Shota bit back the urge to ask those questions that were burning themselves into his brain. He didn’t need to know what Subaru had done with Rikiya and he especially didn’t need to think about whether or not Subaru would be comparing the two. For now he needed to focus on the fact that he cared about Subaru and wanted him more than anyone else. He’d been given the opportunity to prove that to Subaru now. And though he’d never say it out loud in fear of hurting Subaru, he was confident that he loved Subaru more than Rikiya did.

“I’m fine,” Shota smiled. To prove his point, he dipped his fingers into the waistband again. As he traced them over his lower abdomen, Shota felt Subaru's muscles tighten under his fingers. His first instinct was to pull his hand away, but when he glanced up at Subaru's face, the lust in his eyes had intensified. The butterflies returned, full force, and Shota lost his breath for a moment as his eyes locked with the long haired boy's.

Gripping the elastic waistband in his hands, Shota felt torn between nervousness and excitement. “Can I...?” He questioned softly.

Subaru nodded and raised his hips off the bed, allowing Yasu to tug off the sweatpants. After removing them, Shota sat back on his knees for a moment to look at Subaru. To Shota, it was a strange feeling to look upon another male's body and feel such a strong sexual desire. Perhaps the strange feeling was due to the fact that he had spent most of his life believing that he was attracted to girls. As far back as he could remember, he had never felt so aroused or thought that there was a more beautiful person. This was Subaru's body and he wanted every bit of him.

Breaking out of his trance, he looked up to see Subaru watching him through heavy lidded eyes and Shota’s heart started beating faster. He leaned forward, his hands sliding up Subaru's thighs as he licked his lips. Far too nervous to actually say anything, he decided to let his actions speak for themselves. He averted his eyes from Subaru's then, the intense gaze almost too much for him.

Nervousness gripped him as his hand approached Subaru's hardening length but swallowing the last of his reluctance, he slid his index finger lightly up the shaft. Subaru shivered against the mattress, a small moan escaping his lips as he pushed himself towards Shota's hand. Shota, pleased with Subaru's response, smiled before wrapping his hand around Subaru. The moan that fell from his lips this time was much louder, and for the first time since he’d entered Subaru’s bedroom, Shota remembered that Taeko was just downstairs.

Subaru didn't seem concerned though as let out something between a whimper and a moan as he pushed himself into Shota's fist. Deciding not to worry about getting caught, Shota gripped Subaru firmly in his hand, pumping his fist over Subaru's hard cock.

This had been the last thing Shota thought would happen when he arrived at Subaru's house. But now Subaru was laid out before him, his face screwed up in pleasure as his panting filled the room. Shota took the moment to admire how beautiful every inch of Subaru was. Not just his body, but every little pant and moan falling past his parted lips. Or the way his body was responding, his hips moving in sync with Shota's hand. The simple fact that Subaru wanted this, that he was giving this part of himself to Shota. All of it was perfect and Shota wanted to remember it forever.

He also wanted to give Subaru more. More happiness, more love, more pleasure. Leaning forward further over his lover's body, Shota placed a wet kiss against the head of Subaru's cock. It was a foreign feeling for Shota as he found a moan escaping his own throat as he pulled away, licking at the sticky precum clinging to his lips. If Yasu was looking at this situation from the outside, he would have found it strange and unbelievable and even a little laughable. He was human and male, so of course he'd thought about having someone's mouth wrapped around one of his most intimate body parts before. But never had he expected to be doing it for someone -- especially so eagerly and so aroused.

When he ventured another look up at Subaru, he could see so many different emotions. Amazement, shock, desire, but as they looked at one another, Shota was beginning to see doubt and reluctance fill his face. Before Subaru could stop him or push him away, Shota leaned forward again, taking the head of Subaru's cock into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it. That action seemed to silence any doubts that Subaru was having as he reached down to fist his hands in Shota's hair.

As Shota pushed Subaru's cock past his wet lips, Subaru raised his hips off of the bed, trying to bury himself deeper in Shota's warm mouth. “Shota,” he panted, his fingers tangling themselves deeper into Shota's hair.

Every moan and pant Subaru had made up until that point had been music to Yasu's ears, but it was something else all together to hear Subaru moan his name in such a wanton voice. If Shota had been aroused before, this was something that went beyond mere arousal and he wasn’t sure if there was even a word for it. His need for Subaru, to hear that voice again, to be the one who brought Subaru to such an intimate place, was almost too overwhelming.

As his head bobbed over Subaru's swollen dick, he could feel Subaru's grip in his hair tighten and the muscles in his thighs clench. Gripping the base of Subaru's shaft, he pumped his fist rapidly over Subaru's cock as his tongue swirled over the sticky head. Then, Subaru tightened the grip he had on Yasu's head, arching off the bed as he spilled himself into Shota's mouth.

Falling back onto the mattress, Subaru's heavy breathing filled the room as Yasu slid Subaru out of his mouth, slowly swallowing the cum. Subaru was still watching Shota intently as he sat up and crawled up the bed to lay by his side. There was an awkward tension that had filled the room, and as Subaru sat up to reach for his discarded sweatpants, Shota told himself that it was probably normal to feel strange after the first time.

As he watched Subaru hastily pull the sweatpants on, he thought about how much what had just happened meant to him. The idea that Subaru had so willingly given himself to Shota in that way was perfect and he hoped that Subaru could understand how thankful he was for the opportunity to bring them closer, to fill the gap that Rikiya had left.

The thought never occurred to him, however, that Subaru might not feel the same. That to Subaru, it hadn't made him forget about Rikiya. That it had only made him feel as though he had betrayed Rikiya because at that moment, Shota was too wrapped up in his own happiness to see how miserable Subaru was.


Planet of the Yasus

Title: Planet of the Yasus
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Yasuba
Summary: Subaru finds himself a visitor on a planet made up entirely of Yasudas. Unfortunately for him, they have no idea what sex is. Written for anippan  ♥

Subaru thought that he must have been dreaming because that was the only way he could be surrounded by several scruffy-looking, half naked Yasuda Shotas. His second thought, as two of the Yasudas leaned over his prostrate body, was that he hoped this would be an erotic dream. As the two Yasudas leaned closer to his face, Subaru reached up, to brush away the hair hanging in their eyes. He found himself disappointed, however, as both quickly jerked away.

"This one is dressed funny," One of the Yasudas commented, leaning closely again and fingering at the buttons on Subaru's flannel shirt.

Subaru clicked his tongue in annoyance, wondering who Yasuda was to tell anyone that they were dressed funny. And indeed, as his eyes scanned the room, each of the Yasudas was dressed in an equally ridiculous manner. Pinks and oranges clashed together. Stripes and polka-dots used carelessly in the same ensemble.

His mind wandered away from his criticism though as the Yasuda pushed one of the buttons of his shirt through the button hole. He smiled. Now they were getting somewhere. "Hurry up," Subaru whispered, wiggling against the mattress impatiently in anticipation of whatever was going to happen next.

The Yasuda who was playing with the buttons on his shirt sat up straight then, glancing around the room in astonishment. "He can talk!"

"Of course I can talk," Subaru said, propping himself up on his elbows. "Now are you going to finish undressing me or should I do it myself?"

The room was filled with excited whispers then and Subaru flopped down onto the floor. Of course, his mind was just twisted enough that when he had a dream about being surrounded by a dozen Yasudas, all they want to do is talk.

"What should we do with him? He's obviously much too smart to be a slave," One of the Yasudas spoke up.

Slave? Subaru perked up at that prospect. That was one role play they'd never tried! He let his mind wander to the possibilities. Yasu tying him up, doing whatever he wanted to Subaru's body. Or even better! Subaru thought about how hot it would be to hear Shota's voice commanding him to do something. Being "forced" to lick every inch of Shota's thick, hot...

"HEY!" The Yasuda closest to him shouted, and when Subaru looked up at him, he was backing away. Following the horrified Yasuda's line of sight, Subaru found himself staring at his own arousal.

"Oops," Subaru smiled cheekily. Maybe now the Yasudas would understand what he wanted.

"Is that a weapon?" One of them asked, drawing a gun from its holster.

"It is if you want it to be," Subaru grinned.

The other Yasudas didn't seem to find it as humorous as he did, and one by one they all pulled their guns from their holsters and aimed at Subaru. "It was a joke! You guys act like you've never seen a hard-on before."

"Hard-on?" The Yasuda closest to him mumbled, the look of horror on his face now replaced with one of fascination.

Subaru smirked, reaching down and rubbing at his erection through his jeans. "Wanna see?"

The Yasuda closest shot forward then, pushing his hand away. "Keep your hands up!"

Subaru frowned then, wondering if he really wasn't going to be getting any. "Don't you want to see it?"

The Yasuda looked hesitant, turning back to the other Yasudas. "Keep your weapons drawn. In case this is some kind of trick."

Subaru rolled his eyes, starting to feel annoyed by the ridiculousness of this dream. And then the lead Yasuda's hand brushed up against him and Subaru moaned, raising his hips off the bed.

"You! Keep still," The Yasu commanded as his fingers worked at Subaru's belt.

"Yes master," Subaru smiled, hoping that they could work the whole slave scenario in somewhere during this dream.

The lead Yasuda ignored his cheeky reply then as he pulled Subaru's belt from the loops and tossed it aside. His fingers then went to work unbuttoning Subaru's jeans and Subaru was nearly shaking in anticipation of finally feeling Yasu's warm fingers wrapped around him.

With one swift yank, the Yasu pulled Subaru's pants and underwear down and Subaru shuddered as his cock sprang free.

A gasp filled the room. "There's something wrong with his dingle!" One of the Yasuda's shouted in horror.

"My WHAT!?" Subaru sat up, staring down at his own dick. There was nothing wrong with it! He could feel himself pouting as he continued looking down at it. Yasu had never complained about it before.

"Your dingle," The lead Yasuda reaffirmed, nodding solemnly at Subaru.

He had to admit that it was very Yasu to make up a cutesy word for a penis. And he would have laughed at it if it weren't for the fact that all of the other Yasu's were staring at it in horror. The ones that weren't hiding their faces, that is. "There's nothing wrong with it," Subaru pouted. "It's normal!"

One of the Yasu's shook his head. "Look at it! Why's it so... stiff?"

"It's supposed to be stiff!" He complained. "How else would I get it inside of you?"

"Inside?" The Yasudas all looked horrified then. "So it is a weapon?"

Subaru felt the overwhelming urge to throttle each of the Yasudas for being so stupid. "No! It feels good to have it inside of you. Don't you all... procreate?"

"Of course we do," One of the Yasudas looked at Subaru like he was stupid.

"How?" He asked, wondering how procreation was possible when they'd never even seen an erection before. The idea of all of these Yasudas procreating with one another was almost too much to bear. His mind was filled with all sorts of images of one Yasu buried deep within another, a look of pure ecstasy on his face as his cock disappeared into another Yasu's welcoming body. Suddenly, he forgot all about the slave scenario because he didn't think there would ever be anything as hot as Yasu on Yasu action.

"Like this," One of the Yasus stepped forward, and Subaru looked up instantly, hoping that the Yasudas were about to engage in some kind of amazing orgy. He was sorely disappointed though as the Yasuda lifted his arms over his head and flailed them about. In a second, another fully grown Yasu appeared out of thin air. "See?"

Subaru wanted to wake up. He wanted to wake up right now from this nightmare that was just one disappointment after another. What was the point of dreaming about multiple Yasudas if they weren't even going to take turns having their way with him? Or have a giant orgy? Or at least touch his cock, which was now starting to go soft on him. "What the hell was that?"

"Procreating. Isn't that how you were created?" One of the Yasus asked innocently.

"If that's how you procreate, then what do you use your," And though it pained Subaru to say the next silly word, he continued, "dingles for?"

The lead Yasuda shrugged. "Our scientists believe they were used for something at one point before we evolved. But now they're useless."

"U-u-useless?" Seriously, he needed to wake up now. He closed his eyes, chanting at himself to wake up from this nightmare. He would rather die than live in a world full of Yasudas with useless dicks. When he cracked his eyes open to find a dozen curious pairs of eyes (technically 13 pairs since the newborn Yasu was also watching him) gazing intently at him, he heaved a great sigh.

"What do you use it for then?" The lead Yasuda asked curiously.

"Me?" He asked. "For pleasure."

"Pleasure?" The leader asked, looking confused.

"You have one, don't you?" Subaru asked, gesturing at the Yasuda's pelvic area.

"Of course," The Yasuda nodded, as though the answer were obvious.

Subaru perked up a bit at that thought. At least they seemed to have all of the right equipment! Maybe the dream wasn't a complete lost cause. Continuing cautiously, he asked, "Don't you ever touch it?"

"Touch it?" The Yasuda asked, his hand trailing down to feel at his crotch. "When I bathe, I suppose. Why?"

Subaru sighed. "For pleasure."

"Pleasure?" He asked again. "I'm not sure what you mean by that."

"I mean, because it feels good when you touch it..." Subaru started, and though he felt a little embarrassed at having all the eyes on him, he reached down and wrapped his hand around himself, jerking quickly. He moaned a little, watching the Yasudas' curious gazes through half-lidded eyes.

"I see," The lead Yasu commented, a contemplative look crossing his face. "So this is something your people do for fun?"

Subaru smiled, glad to finally have the attention and understanding he had originally been looking for. He sat up on his knees, crawling towards the lead Yasu. "And sometimes you do it with other people."

The Yasu gulped, looking into Subaru's eyes. "Other people?"

Subaru nodded, his eyes darkening with lust as he looked at the lead Yasu's nervous face. "Mmhmm. If you really like a person, sometimes you want to do it with them."

The Yasuda seemed to be frozen under his gaze, as Subaru's fingers came to rest on the waistband of the lead Yasuda's pants. "Do you want me to show you?"

Wordlessly, the lead Yasuda nodded, and Subaru could almost feel the nervousness radiating off of him. If there was one thing that Subaru was sure of, it was that he could easily cause Yasuda to come undone. Even if it was a weird, sexless, dream Yasu.

His fingers dipped into the Yasuda's pants, the calloused fingertips brushing against Yasu's hipbones. Subaru smiled to himself as the dream Yasu drew in a shaking breath. "Do you like it?" he whispered.

"I-I think so," The Yasu whispered back, leaning his body in towards Subaru as though he knew exactly what was coming.

Subaru smiled, slowly pulling the Yasuda's pants down past his knees until he was fully exposed. Leaning forward, he placed a kiss on the same hipbone he'd just been teasing at, his lips trailing lower over Yasu's thighs.

"Ohhh," The Yasuda gasped and when Subaru looked up at his face, his eyes were closed in pleasure.

Smiling to himself, Subaru wrapped his hand around Yasuda's manhood, pumping his fist over him as he grew harder. This. This is what he'd been waiting for! This dream was finally getting good. "Does it feel good?"

The Yasuda nodded enthusiastically, seemingly at a loss for coherent words as Subaru's fingers continued tugging at his length.

And then Subaru was leaning forward on his knees, pressing a wet kiss to the head of Yasuda's dick.

"Ah," The Yasuda panted. "What are you doing?"

Subaru chose not to answer his question, instead opening his mouth and swirling his tongue around the slit at the head of Yasuda's shaft.

"He's going to eat our leader!" One of the Yasuda's gasped, horrified by the sight before him. Another averted his eyes, burying his face against the shoulder of another Yasuda.

But the lead Yasuda pushed his hips forward, burying himself deeply in Subaru's mouth. He moaned again, threading his fingers in Subaru's black hair.

Subaru's lips tightened around Yasu's shaft, his tongue teasing at the underside of the heavy cock in his mouth. His hands, which had been gripping Yasuda's thighs, trailed around, gripping the other man's ass and spreading him open.

"Ahhh," The other Yasuda pushed away then, panting to catch his breath. "What are you doing?"

Subaru sighed, disappointed. He was just beginning to get the perk up about this situation and was looking forward to screwing Yasu as twelve other Yasudas watched. And now he was getting cockblocked. "You said you wanted me to show you..."

"I wanted you to show me what you do with your dingle!" Yasuda shot back, clearly upset by what had just happened.

"I was," Subaru leaned back, pouting a little.

"You were touching my..." The Yasuda looked around as his cheeks pinkened. Then lowering his voice he finished, "My sploong."

Subaru sighed at the cutesy name, beginning to feel like this entire dream was hopeless. All he wanted to do was fuck Yasuda until they were just a sweaty pile on the floor and Yasuda was clearly not understanding that. Try as he might though, he just couldn't wake himself up so he decided to give it one more final try. "But that's what people do when they like each other..."

"They touch each other's sploongs?!" Yasuda shouted incredulously, and all the other Yasudas looked horrified at the meaning behind the outburst.

"Well," Subaru wondered how to continue, because the Yasudas were clearly uptight about having anything near their sploongs. "That's why your dingle gets stiff." Subaru felt incredibly stupid trying to explain the concept of sex, especially having to do so with words as ridiculous as 'dingle' and 'sploong'.

"I don't get it," The Yasuda complained, looking exasperated. "I mean, I see what you mean about the dingle. That did feel... amazing." The Yasuda had the decency to blush at that admission and Subaru thought maybe he wasn't so dumb. "But what does my sploong have to do with my dingle?"

Subaru was having trouble not giggling with all of the sploongs and dingles being thrown around. Composing himself, he stated simply, "You put your dingle inside of someone's sploong."

Everyone in the room gasped again, shocked by the idea of what Subaru had just announced.

"But that's not what your sploong is meant for!" One of the Yasuda's cried out.

"Whyyyyyy?!" Another shouted out in horror.

"Because it feels nice," Subaru commented, smiling. "Because you're sharing a part of yourself with someone that you care about."

"So it's for... bonding?" The Yasuda asked, scratching his head.

Subaru nodded. "Yes! Bonding!"

"I see," a thoughtful look crossed the Yasuda's face. "And you want to bond... with me?"

Subaru smiled brightly. A light at the end of the tunnel! "Yes."

"I see."

"So can I?" Subaru asked hopefully.

After a few moments, the Yasuda nodded hesitantly.

Subaru crawled back towards the Yasuda, pulling him down. "It'll feel nice. I promise." With that, he pressed his lips against Yasuda's as he pushed him into a laying position. Breaking the kiss, he moved down the Yasuda's body, licking his lips as Yasuda's hard cocked bobbed in front of him. "Perfect," he whispered, leaning forward and taking it into his mouth.

Little gasps and moans began escaping the Yasuda's parted lips as Subaru tongue continued licking at him. Finding his soon-to-be lover distracted, Subaru pressed his finger against Yasuda's opening once again. This time, Yasuda wiggled against the floor, apparently already having grown used to the idea of Subaru touching him there.

Slowly, as gently as possible, Subaru wiggled his finger into Yasuda's tight hole and when Yasuda grunted, Subaru wasn't sure if it was one of pain or pleasure. Either way, Yasuda didn't appear to be interested in stopping him, so Subaru worked another finger into him.

Abandoning Yasuda's hard length, Subaru sat up on his knees to watch his lover's face. "Are you ready?"

The Yasuda nodded, although he looked as though he wasn't quite sure what to expect. Subaru crawled up Yasuda's body, placing a soft kiss against the other man's lips as he came to rest between his legs. "Just relax, okay?"

Yasuda nodded at him, placing his hands on Subaru's shoulders. Subaru, taking that as the final sign that it was okay, grabbed his cock pressing the head of it to Yasuda's opening. The man underneath him gasped, shaking a little in anticipation as Subaru applied more pressure.

Not able to control himself at the innocently provocative expression on Yasuda's face, Subaru quickly pushed himself into Yasuda's warm body.

And Yasuda cried out, arching off the floor. "That huuuurts."

The other Yasudas rushed forward to save their leader. "I knew it! It was all a trick!" One of them shouted.

Subaru, having a bad feeling about what was about to happen, looked down at the Yasuda. "It's okay. It won't hurt so bad next time," he whispered softly, leaning down and kissing Yasuda softly.

The Yasuda nodded, closing his eyes as Subaru slid himself from his lovers body before pushing back in, more gently this time. Their leader's consent of Subaru's actions was enough to appease their anxiety, and quietly they went back to watching .

Suddenly he realized this was one of the best dreams he'd ever had, as he continued making love to the virginal Yasuda under him. As several other Yasudas looked on in amazement.

Subaru's pace quickened as Yasuda began to meet his thrusts. Any pain-filled gasps had already melted away into moans of pleasure. He was close, could feel his orgasm approaching.

And then it happened.

Subaru snapped awake, sitting up in the darkness of his bedroom. Glancing around, there were no Yasudas watching, enraptured, as he screwed the brains out of their leader. The whole time he'd been wishing to wake up from the dream, he'd had to endure more torture. And the moment it was getting good. Right as he was about to cum, he wakes up.

He sighed, turning to the real Yasuda next to him. The Yasuda who was currently snoring rather loudly and drooling all over his pillow. The exact opposite of the Yasuda he'd seen a few moments earlier in his dreams. The Yasuda whose face had looked so caught up in pleasure.

Wait a minute. Who was he kidding? Real sex was way better than anything he could dream up. He leaned over his boyfriend then, rolling Yasuda onto his back so that he could properly mount him.

"What are you doing?" Yasu asked, blinking sleepily up at Subaru.

"I want you." Subaru stated simply, his hands already crawling under Yasuda's shirt.

"But," Yasuda started, glancing over at the clock. "It's 3AM and I'm tired!"

Subaru only grinned, his fingers swirling around Yasuda's nipples. His grin only widened as Yasu's protest faded into a moan and he arched into Subaru.

"Okay," Yasu panted. "But let's be quick. We have to be up early tomorrow."

"Mmmm," Subaru smiled, kissing Yasu's neck and rubbing himself against his lover's thigh. "I can't wait to get my dingle inside your sploong."

"Your what in my what?!" Yasuda's incredulous voice filled the room, and Subaru burst out laughing.


The Best Gift

[Fic] The Best Gift  
I was not good at waiting. Never have been, especially when it came to waiting for people. Waiting for him. Perhaps there was a large part of me that thought he wouldn't show up. Maybe he'd forgotten about the date. Or decided to go out with friends.

Because that's what Yasuda was like. He had a lot of friends. He was all sunshine and smiles and had more companions than he had time. Although he'd never stood me up before, I wouldn't blame him if he did. I'm sure there were far more interesting people for him to spend his free time with.

As all of these thoughts continued to repeat themselves inside of my head, I couldn't help but check my watch. We'd agreed to meet in Shibuya, not near Hachiko, but outside of a ramen shop we often ate at. Somewhere quiet where we wouldn't be recognized. Somewhere that I could reach over and hold his hand without having to worry who was watching us.

When he was five minutes late, my heart began to drop. And each time I glanced painfully down at my watch, each time I saw he was thirty seconds later, my heart began to drop further and further until it felt like a big heavy glob in my stomach.

To make matters worse, as I stood there waiting for him, raindrops began to fall on my head. Sighing and cursing my luck, I looked around for an eave or awning to stand under until the rain passed. If I was smart, I would go home. Yasu was almost twenty minutes late. But the irrational part of my brain wouldn't leave it at that, and I knew I would wait for him all day if I needed to.

I didn't have to look for an awning though, because suddenly I was dry. I looked up at the umbrella that had been placed over my head, and when I turned around an out-of-breath Yasu was smiling at me.

"Sorry I'm late," he murmured, coming closer so that we were both underneath the umbrella. I hadn't noticed how cold it had gotten until I could feel the heat of his body against mine.

I shook my head, returning the smile. "I haven't been waiting long," I lied.

"I stopped to buy an umbrella." He leaned forward brushing the wet matted hair from my forehead. "I knew you wouldn't bring one."

I stared down at my feet, feeling a little ashamed of myself for doubting that he would come. It was true that Yasuda had a lot of friends. But he would never stand any of them up. He would never stand me up. To top it all off, the only reason he was late was because he'd been thoughtful enough to bring me an umbrella.

"You look cold," he frowned, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the ramen shop. "Let's get you something warm to eat."

I'd already felt warmer the minute he grabbed my hand, and as we entered the shop, I prayed that he wouldn't let go. I found myself smiling as he struggled to close the umbrella with his one free hand. He didn’t want to let go any more than I did. When he finally managed to fold the umbrella, he set it down by the door, an honest smile crossing his face as he dragged me across the dimly lit ramen shop to the counter.

It was late afternoon -- our favorite time to visit the shop. The lunch crowd had left and the dinner crowd wouldn’t be in for at least another hour. Save for a couple in a dark corner, Yasuda and I were the only people there.

“Two bowls of pork ramen, please,” Yasu smiled as the chef walked towards where we were sitting, placing two cups of hot tea in front of us.

We didn’t go there for ramen. Frankly, it wasn’t that good. No, it was the atmosphere that we came for. It was dark in the shop and there was always some type of sexy jazz music playing. Best of all, it was never crowded. In a city like Tokyo, here off the bustling streets of Shibuya, we’d managed to find a place that belonged to us.

An ease settled over the both of us, and I smiled as Yasu started humming along with the music while we waited for our ramen to arrive. “Ah,” he said, letting go of my hand from where he’d still been holding it under the counter. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a box. “Happy birthday, Subaru,” he smiled, sliding the box across the counter towards me.

I looked down at the box, realizing that this had been the first time since my birthday we’d been alone together. “But you already gave me a present,” I pointed out, referring to the celebration the other members had already thrown for me.

“I know,” Yasu remarked, a light blush coloring his cheeks. “But this one is more personal.”

I picked up the little box, untying the ribbon. I felt nervous as Shota leaned against the counter, resting his chin in his palm as he watched me remove the lid. Inside was a key, hidden beneath a piece of red tissue paper.

“A key to my apartment,” Yasuda murmured into his palm. “I know it’s cheesy, but I think it’s a bit overdue.”

I pulled out my keychain, immediately adding the key to it. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. We’d been together, off and on, for the past however many years. There were times when life got too hectic, and we didn’t see as much of each other.

Or sometimes he grew tired of spending all of his free time with me. Maybe I became to hard to deal with. I became to clingy or needy and didn’t give him the space he needed. He’d end up overwhelmed and push me away from him.

Or there were the times when I grew jealous of the attention Yasu would give others. When he seemed to gaze at Ryo or Ohkura or Hina (who would have guessed) with the same adoration that I thought should be only for me. Those times when my stomach churned in disgust at the thought he might be sharing himself with someone other than me. Those times when I would push him away because it hurt too much.

“You can come and go whenever you want, now,” He added, the blush on his cheeks darkening as he waited for me to reply.

I didn’t know how to reply. This was a big step in our relationship, one we hadn’t really talked about. The fact that he’d given me the key to his apartment meant that he wanted me to be around. That he didn’t mind if I was there when he got home. He wasn’t going to push me away this time.

“Thank you,” I finally managed, leaning over and kissing his lips.

The kiss was brief. We were away from the eyes of others, but we both knew better than to push our luck. As much as I wanted to kiss him good and hard, this was neither the time nor the place. He must have been thinking the same thing, because as the chef set the ramen down in front of us, he nearly jumped out of his skin.

I turned away from him, picking up my chopsticks in an effort to dispel my desire to kiss him. I couldn’t shake the through from my head though, because Yasu’s thigh was pressed flush against mine and our elbows kept bumping against each other and all I could think of was how I wanted to feel more of him against me.

“I’m not really hungry,” Yasu commented, trying to sound off hand.

“Me neither,” I said, setting down the chopsticks.

Yasu took out his wallet, pulling two 1000yen notes from inside and setting it on the counter. “Do you want to go test out that key?”

Butterflies filled my stomach at the realization of what he was implying and I found myself hopping off the stool like it was on fire. “Let’s go,” I grabbed his hand and pulled him from the shop. Outside, I continued pulling him down the street towards the train station.

“Wait,” he stopped me. “Let’s take a taxi. It’ll be quicker.”

I nodded, pulling him towards one of the cabs waiting near the station. Another plus side of cabs, I thought as I pulled Yasuda in, was that they were private. Inside, I wasted no time, pressing myself as close to Shota as I could without sitting directly on his lap.

We were both wet, the umbrella forgotten in our haste to leave the ramen shop. As I pressed my nose against Shota’s neck all I could smell was his shampoo and the rain. When I pressed my lips against his pulse, I could feel his heart beat quicken. When I opened my mouth, pressing my tongue to his throat, a strangled moan left his lips.

“Stop,” he tried pushing me away. “The cab driver might recognize us.”

I tried to protest, but I didn’t want to risk ruining Yasuda’s mood. I settled for being a good boy and just held his hand as the driver brought us to Yasu’s apartment.

When we arrived, Yasu pulled out his wallet and paid the driver. I followed him out of the cab and inside of his building. In the lobby, I could tell that he was just as anxious as I was, tapping his foot impatiently as we waited for the elevator.

The elevator finally reached the ground floor and as soon as the doors open, Yasu was pulling me inside. As soon as the doors closed, he had me pressed against the wall, his lips attacking mine.

“You know,” I mumbled into the kiss, “There’s a camera in here.”

Yasu growled in annoyance, pushing away from me and folding his arms across his chest. I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed at me, or the fact that he would have to wait just a little bit longer to have me to himself.
I realized, as the doors opened on his floor, that it was definitely the latter.  He grabbed my hand then, dragging me down the hall towards his door.

I reached into my pocket, pulling out my newly acquired key and sticking it into the lock. I twisted it and pushed open the door, hurrying inside. Yasuda removed his shoes, stepping into his apartment and moving around anxiously behind me. I pulled the key from the lock and shut the door before removing my own shoes.

“Do you want something to drink?” He asked, offering just to be polite.

I shook my head, crossing the room towards him and wrapping my arms around his waist as I brought my mouth to his. As soon as our lips touched, he opened his mouth to me, his wet tongue sliding out to meet mine.

My hands curved around, gripping his hips tightly as I tilted my head back allowing him to dominate the kiss. His hands were already up the back of my shirt, his calloused fingers digging into my back. He broke this kiss, pulling my wet shirt over my head and letting it fall with a plop to the floor.

I reached over, pulling him back, desperate to feel the heat of his body against me.

“Wait,” he breathed, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the bedroom.

I tried to be patient as I followed him to his bedroom, but he seemed intent on taking his time.

“Take off your clothes,” He mumbled, pulling his own shirt off over his head.

“You’re in a rush. No foreplay, then?” I asked, undoing my belt and pushing my pants down to my ankles.

“I don’t want the bed to get wet,” he rolled his eyes, tossing the shirt towards a laundry hamper across the room.

“Let me help you,” I finished kicking off my pants and crossed the short distance between us. I kissed him, sliding my tongue across his lips as my hands went to work on the button on his pants.

He reached up, burying his hands in my fresh cut hair, moaning into my mouth as my fingers brushed against his rapidly hardening length. I slowly pushed his pants down to his knees.

“Subaru,” he mumbled against my lips as my fingers teased at the waistband of his underwear. I brought my fingers lower still, teasingly brushing against him and cupping him through the fabric. He tilted his head back, his breathing slowing as he pushed himself back against my hand. “Touch me.”

I smiled, burying my face against his neck as I yanked his underwear down. I could feel him hard against my stomach, his precum sticky on my skin. I reached down, grabbing his length in my hand and pumping my fist over him.

My lips left his neck, trailing across his collar bone and down his chest. I paused, flicking my tongue over his nipples and delighting in the way his whole body tensed. I continued my way down, kneeling in front of him, my tongue dipping into his belly button as I buried his hands in my hair, pushing me down.

I gripped him tight in my hand my tongue darting out to lick the head of his cock. He groaned and his fingers were digging almost painfully into my head as he raised his hips, trying to bury himself in my mouth. I pulled away grinning up at him.

“Stop teasing,” He scolded, his voice breathy. The look in his eyes was a mixture of lust, annoyance and adoration.

I smiled, leaning forward and pressing my wet lips against him once more before opening my mouth to him. He groaned as my tongue slid against the underside of his shaft and I found myself gagging as he pushed himself deep in my mouth.

I could hear him panting, and when I looked up his eyes were squeezed shut in pleasure. I gripped at his hips, stilling him as I slid my mouth over him once again. “Wait, Subaru,” he panted. “I want to come inside of you.” He pulled me up into a kiss and slid his tongue into my mouth, tasting himself on my lips.

Wrapping his arms around my waist, he dragged me towards the bed, pushing me down on the mattress. He wasted no time, pulling down my underwear and wrapping his hand around me. “Are you ready?” he asked, sliding his hand up and down my swollen cock.

I couldn’t answer, his rough hands felt too good on me. In response I spread my legs for him, shuttering as he pressed a finger, slick with his own spit, against my opening. I groaned, spreading myself open further for him as he wiggled a finger inside of me.

He leaned forward, taking my cock into his mouth. I could do nothing but moan, his lips tightening around me as he added a second and third finger. His lips felt so good on me and I realized that it had been far too long since the last time we’d done this.

He sat up and I moaned at the loss of his lips on my dick. But he was looking at me, my face and my body, with a look of lust that had my insides turning to liquid. “Are you ready?” he asked, still panting as he slid his free hand over his own cock.

I nodded and he pulled his fingers out of me, leaning forward and pressing my knees to my chest. Hovering over me, he pressed the sticky head of his dick against my opening and I squeezed my eyes shut, the pleasure already almost too much. Still gripping my knees, he pushed himself in roughly. I groaned at the mixture of pleasure and pain as his pelvis smacked against my ass.

Then we were both panting, and I grabbed Shota’s face, pulling him down into a kiss. I’d missed the feel of his body, slick with sweat on top of mine. I missed the little noises he made as my muscles squeezed him tight. I missed the sloppy way he kissed me as he thrust himself shallowly inside of my body, his face screwed up in an expression that only I was allowed to see.  Most of all, I missed the way he filled and stretched me, the completeness I felt every time we came together like this.

His lips left mine and he buried his face against my neck. His thrusts became fast and erratic, the bed shaking underneath us, the headboard knocking against the wall, as he pounded into me. His breath was coming out in hot puffs against my neck. “I’m going to cum.”

I nodded, feeling close to that point as I met his thrusts, my own cock rubbing against his stomach with each thrust. The room filled with the sounds of panting and our skin slapping against one another as we both neared our peak. “Hurry,” I panted, my entire body tingling as I teetered on the edge of orgasm.

Yasu just nodded in reply sitting up and spreading my legs open further. The new angle was all I needed to push me over the edge, and I squeezed my eyes shut, coming hard. Yasuda wasn’t far behind, my muscles squeezing tight around him and he buried himself to the hilt inside of me, shaking as he came.

He collapsed on top of me, heavy and sticky with sweat and cum. I didn’t mind, I welcomed the weight. Anything to feel him against me, to feel this close to him. After a moment, he rolled off of me, pulling me close to his body.

I let him hold me there for a few minutes, but when I tried to sit up he shook his head. “Stay.”

“I should clean up and get home. We have work first thing tomorrow morning,” I mumbled, trying to sit up once more. I was so used to it ending, to him pushing me away. I didn’t want to crowd him or his privacy. I’d made that mistake and pushed him away too many times before.

“You can stay the night,” he commented, pulling me back into him.

I didn’t protest, clinging to him and just savoring the moment, because I wasn’t sure if he would ever extend such an offer again.

Then he surprised me as he cuddled into me, burying his face against my neck, “You can stay tomorrow too.”


“And the next day,” he murmured, and I could feel him smiling against my neck.

Then it dawned on me, “Are you asking me to move in?”

I could feel his grin widen against my neck, could practically hear his smile as he shook with silent laughter. “If you want to...”

I didn’t really need to think about it. This was a scary step. I wasn’t sure if it would work out. Maybe I would end up suffocating him and pushing him away once more. Or maybe my jealousy would get in the way and ruin everything. But if Yasu was willing to give it a try, then I would too.

“Happy birthday,” he mumbled against my neck and I could tell that he was almost asleep.

“I love you,” I whispered, pressing my lips against his forehead.

“I love you too, Baru,” was the last thing he said before his soft snores filled the room.

Yasuda Shota was the best birthday gift I’d ever gotten.


A/N: Written as a birthday present for gekkouw and based on the many conversations with anippan  regarding Subassan's complex relationship.

P.S. This is my first Yasuba oneshot, so constructive criticism is appreciated ♥

Revolving - Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"What the hell," the voice repeated.

As Yasu turned around slowly, his heart sank at the familiarity of the voice.

"What the hell is this?" Maru asked again, staring back and forth between Subaru and Yasu.

He could hear Subaru retreating behind him, so Yasu turned around, reaching for Subaru's hand and pulling him back.

"What are you doing here?" Yasu asked. Panic hit as he realized that it was all over. Maru knew now, and he would tell Ohkura. Yasuda would get kicked out of Revolver. The entire school would grow to hate him with the same unwarranted hatred they aimed at Subaru.

He still had Subaru. He could handle the isolation, the hatred from his classmates. He could handle almost anything with Subaru as long as he was able to turn to Subaru.

But when Subaru finally followed through on his plans to move to Tokyo and be with Rikiya, what would he have left?

Yasuda Shota would have no friends. He would have to deal with the hatred alone. There was nothing he could do now but face it.

"What are you doing here?" Maruyama asked incredulously as soon as he was able to speak. "I mean, obviously you're making out with Subaru..." he mumbled under his breath. Maru's face was screwed up in confusion and it looked like his head would explode. "How... why are you two...?

If Yasu wasn't so worried about Subaru and himself, he would have felt bad for Maruyama. As it was, Yasu was looking back over his shoulder for some kind of support, vocal or otherwise, from Subaru. But Subaru, who looked like he was about to cry, was even more pathetic that Maru.

Yasu sighed, realizing that no one was going to help him. He turned back to Maruyama, trying to figure out how he could satisfactorily explain anything that had happened in the short months since he had met Subaru. Even if he had the time, there were no words that could explain the relationship.

How he had ended up where he was with Subaru was still a mystery. He had not made any conscious effort to fall in love with Subaru.

Yasu was willing to admit that it was love now. He wouldn't risk his reputation on some silly crush or a cheap physical attraction. He wanted Subaru, needed him, and the thought of not being with him was painful. Only love could explain staying with someone despite being hurt again. Or cherishing every moment knowing that it could all end any day.

But Maruyama was waiting for an answer, and Yasu couldn't spend all day trying to think of one. "Subaru and I are together."

Maru's mouth fell open and he made a strangle choking sound as he stared back and forth between Subaru and Yasuda. When it seemed that he had finally pulled his thoughts together, he asked quietly, "How did this happen?"

Yasu looked back at Subaru, grabbing his hand. Subaru met his eyes, squeezing his hand and Yasu suddenly felt less scared. He turned back to the bassist, shrugging. "It just happened."

"But..." Maru still looked completely lost. "I didn't even know you knew each other."

Yasu bit his lip, before answering, "We've kind of been keeping it a secret."

Maru plopped down on the floor, running a hand through his hair.  His brow was furrowed in confusion as he tried to put everything together in his head.

Yasu and Subaru could only stand, exchanging worried glances, and watch as he struggled to understand. After several minutes of watching Maru's inner-battle, Yasu stepped forward, crouching down in front of Maruyama. "Are you okay?"

Maru looked up. "Does Ohkura know?"

Yasu paled, shifting uncomfortably under Maru's imploring eyes. "He doesn't. If he did, do you think I'd be in Revolver still?"

"Good point."

A silence fell over the room once more, and from the corner of his eye, Yasuda saw Subaru lean awkwardly against a shelf.

"How long has this been going on?" Maru asked, looking up at Yasu.

"Well," Yasu scratched his head. "What you just saw... the kissing, that is," he blushed. "That's fairly recent. But I've known Subaru since the beginning of the school year."

Maru nodded, staring down at the floor. "This is bad."

"You're not going to tell Ohkura, are you?" Subaru spoke up, rather quietly.

Maru looked over at Subaru, his eyes widening as though he had forgotten Subaru was still there. "I... don't know."

Subaru stood up, coming closer. "I know that you hate me. I deserve it for what happened with Rikiya and the band. That's why I never fought Ohkura when he kicked me out. But Yasu hasn't done anything wrong. Don't punish him because you hate me."

"Subaru," Maru looked up. "I don't hate you. I never hated you. You know how Ohkura is. Even if Daisuke and I disagreed with his decision, there was nothing we could do about it. I'm sorry."

Subaru shook his head, smiling a bit at the knowledge he wasn't completely hated by everyone at the school. "There's nothing to apologize for."

Everyone became silent once more and Yasu shifted uncomfortably. "So are you going to tell Ohkura?"

Maru bit his lip. "I'm sorry, but this is really weird for me."

Yasu nodded, glancing over at a worried Subaru. Even if he could turn back time and take back the entire relationship with Subaru, he wouldn't do it. He was happy being with Subaru, even if it was going to end in an instant. That small amount of happiness, to Yasu, was worth all of the pain. Just being able to hold hands with Subaru for a few more seconds would make all the consequence of their actions worth it.

He stepped forward, towards Maruyama, realizing that it was time to face the music. "I understand. I don't want you to do something you're not comfortable with. If you feel like you need to tell Ohkura..."
Maruyama shook his head. "I won't tell Ohkura. As long as you two keep it secret, it's no one else's business. I don't want to see Revolver fall apart again." He glanced guiltily towards Subaru.

A grin stretched across Yasu's face and he reached forward, pulling Maruyama into a hug. "Thank you so much, Maru!"

Maru patted Yasu's head, laughing a little. When Yasu finally pulled away, Maruyama's smile was dazzling. "So this means that there really is nothing between you and Sara-chan?"

"I already told you there's not!" Yasu scolded him.

The bassist smiled sheepishly in response. "I know. But you were being suspicious! And I overheard Sara-chan say something to you about a secret rendezvous after school. I just needed to make sure."

Yasu's mouth fell open as he nodded, finally understanding what had led Maru to discovering his secret.

"But obviously, you weren't meeting Sara-chan..." Maru snickered.

The door to the shop opened again, and Nishikido Ryo froze as he glanced around the room. "What's going on?" he asked cautiously.

"Ah!" Maru's face lit up in recognition. "You're Ohkura's friend, right?" He snapped his fingers as though he was trying to recall Ryo's name.

Ryo scowled at Maruyama, "You must have me confused with someone. I'm not friends with Ohkura."

Maru looked confused. "Sure you are. You came to our band practice with Ohkura a few times. I remember. Aren't you guys childhood friends?"

Ryo rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue in annoyance. "I'm not friends with Ohkura."

Subaru shifted uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact with Ryo , and Yasuda found himself staring back and forth between the other three men in the room. He must have been misunderstanding something, he thought. Ohkura and Ryo were childhood friends?

"I'm Subaru's friend." Ryo went to stand next to Subaru, putting his arm around the shorter man's shoulders.

Maruyama still looked confused, but he shrugged, apologizing for the confusion, "Sorry."

Yasuda was utterly confused as a silence fell over the room. He had always thought that Subaru and Ryo had met through the music shop, but perhaps there was something more to it than that. Maruyama seemed fairly certain that Ryo and Ohkura had been friends.

He wanted to ask Subaru about it, but the tension in the air was so thick as Ryo stood with a protective arm around the shorter boy's shoulder that he knew it wasn't appropriate. He would have to wait until Ryo was gone to ask.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Ryo asked, glaring suspiciously at Maruyama. "You gonna go squeal to Ohkura now?"

Maruyama looked offended by Ryo's unwarranted hatred for a split second, and then trying to avoid a hostile situation, he quickly shook his head. "I don't think what Yasuda does on his free time is any of Ohkura's business."

Ryo's face slackened a bit as he calmed down. Still, he seemed unsure whether or not Maruyama could be trusted.

"I should go," Maruyama stood up, scratching his head. "I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Yasu. Subaru."

Yasu waved goodbye and Subaru, a smile in his voice called out, "Bye Maru!"

The moment Revolver's bassist was out of the store, a collective sigh of relief rang out in the shop. "Is this really going to be okay?" Ryo asked quietly, dropping his arm from Subaru's shoulder.

Yasu chewed his bottom lip, wondering if it would be okay. He had mixed feelings over the situation. On the one hand, it felt good that Maru knew about their relationship. He had someone to talk to, someone on his side, even if it technically couldn't be considered support.

But this was also proof that he and Subaru were not being as careful as they should have been. In the same week, they had been caught by both Ishihara and Maruyama. As much as he enjoyed the time he had alone with Subaru, the kisses, the touches, the way Subaru would look at him with lust-filled eyes, he knew they had to be more careful.

They had to be careful because next time, it could be Ohkura.


Staying away from Subaru was difficult, especially now that their relationship had moved on to the next level. It was especially hard when every time he looked over at Subaru during class he was chewing seductively on his pencil, or groaning sexily (okay, so the groans were ones of frustration, but to Yasuda's ears they were still sexy).

As soon as his mind started roaming down that path, when he found himself staring just a little too much, he had to pinch himself. Ohkura's desk was only feet away from his. All he had to do was turn around and just see the way Yasuda was looking at Subaru and it would all be over.

When Murakami dismissed the class for lunch, Yasuda gave a heaving sigh of relief. Lunchtime meant a reprieve from Subaru and his subtle seduction.

As Yasu stood, however, Subaru gave him a meaningful glance that was just missed by Ohkura as the tall boy waltzed slowly towards the door. "Are you coming?" he asked, glancing back at Yasu.

"Um," he started, watching as Subaru also stood, dropping a folded up piece of paper by Yasu's foot before leaving the classroom. "You guys can go ahead. I think I'm going to go to the library and study during lunch. I fell a bit behind when I got sick last week."

Ohkura glanced suspiciously at Yasuda, but Maruyama tugged his sleeve, pulling the drummer out of the classroom as he winked at Shota.

When all of his classmates had cleared out of the room, Yasuda bent over and picked up the piece of paper Subaru had dropped.

'Meet me on the rooftop' was all it said. Yasu folded the piece of paper and shoved it in his pocket, trying to decide whether or not to go. The chance to be alone with Subaru was tempting. And the forbidden nature of the entire situation made it all the more appealing.

The previous day, he had told himself repeatedly that he needed to be more careful with Subaru. That was especially true when it came to meeting during school hours.

Although he knew it was a bad idea, that didn't stop him from stealthily climbing the stairs towards the rooftop. He carefully looked over his shoulder to make sure that no one was behind him as he pushed open the door to the rooftop.

Once the sunlight hit his eyes, he blinked rapidly, unable to see. When his eyes finally adjusted to the light, he saw Subaru sitting on the edge of the rooftop, looking over the edge. Yasu's breath caught in his throat as a breeze kicked up, sending Subaru's loose hair blowing around his face.

Subaru must have sensed his presence because he turned to Yasuda then, a smile spreading across his face. "I was beginning to think that you weren't going to come."

Yasuda walked across the rooftop towards Subaru, stopping in front of him. He returned the smile, gently brushing Subaru's wild hair behind his ear before leaning down and placing a kiss against his lips.

When he parted, Subaru reached down to a bag sitting on the floor and pulled out a folder. "For you."

Yasu sat next to Subaru on the ledge, taking the folder from the other boy's grip. Setting in on his lap, he opened it.

Subaru watched Yasu open the folder, and after a pause he offered an explanation. "Lyrics."

"Huh?" Yasuda pulled the papers, covered in Subaru's messy handwriting, from the folder.

"For the song you were working on," he replied quietly. "I know it's your song. But I wanted to give you something."

Yasuda's eyes darted across the paper, his heart beating quickly as he took in the words. The lyrics were the complete opposite of the dark, sad verse he had read in Subaru's notebook those long weeks ago. His eyes continued floating over line after line, his chest swelling with hope.

"Subaru..." Yasu looked up at Subaru, unsure of what to say.

"It's not much. I know I hurt you by refusing to play with you. I hate that look on your face. I know you said you were fine with being second to Rikiya, but I don't want to keep hurting you. I want to be able to give you more, so from now on I'll try harder."

Yasu felt like he was going to cry, and he wasn't sure why.

Part of him felt so happy now that Subaru had promised to try harder. For so long, he had wanted Subaru to make an effort to forget about Rikiya. Yasu knew that he could make Subaru happy, and he would definitely treat him better than Rikiya ever had.

But the other part of Yasu, the part that was nagging him as Subaru took the folder from his hands, couldn't help but feel that what he'd heard was too good to be true. That the only reason Subaru had done this was out of guilt. The part that knew no matter how hard he tried, he'd always be second to Rikiya.

"Do you want me to sing it for you?" Subaru asked, a blush crossing his cheeks.

Yasu only nodded, afraid that if he spoke, Subaru would be able to hear the tears in his voice. He let his eyes fall closed as Subaru's voice reached his ears. He tried to focus on the lyrics, the tenderness in Subaru's voice, meant only for him. He shut out Rikiya, and Ohkura, and every other force in the world that was preventing them from being happy together.

Right now, it was just him and Subaru on the rooftop. For all Yasu was concerned, being here in this moment with Subaru was all that mattered in the world. Whether he had written the song out of guilt or not, there was an honesty in the lyrics, in the way Subaru's voice sang sweetly for his ears only. He loved Shibutani Subaru more than he ever thought it was possible to love another human being.

He knew Subaru would hurt him again. He knew that Subaru would leave him, and probably very soon. He was aware of the fact that he always came second, and always would for as long as the relationship lasted. But he didn't care. As long as there were moments like this, where he could hear Subaru's beautiful voice, singing a hopeful song of love. Where he could feel the breeze against his cool cheeks as Subaru's clammy hand slipped into his. Where he could spell Subaru's shampoo, feel the heat of his body, the way Subaru's boney kneed kept nudging his.

Everything about the moment was perfect. He pushed away the unhappiness, the fear, any lingering regret he had, and leaned over, sealing Subaru's lips in a kiss.

When Subaru's arms wound around his waist, Yasu leaned against the long haired boy, pressing their chests against one another. Subaru sighed into Shota's mouth, wet tongue sliding against wet tongue.

"Give that back!" a girl's voice rang out, and Yasuda pushed away from Subaru, blinking in confusion.

A few moments passed before he could figure out what was going on, but as Maruyama came running into sight, Yasuda felt a wave of relief wash over him. For a moment, he had thought that they were caught in the act once again.

"I said give it back!" Ishihara came into view then, stomping after Maruyama.

Maru rounded on the journalism club president, and Yasu had never seen him that angry. Even when he thought that he had been betrayed by a fellow band mate, there was still something gentle in his demeanor. "I never thought you were that kind of person," He clicked his tongue at her.

"Why don't you mind your own business?" She replied, her response quieter than her previous shouts.

Yasu noticed, for the first time, that Maruyama was holding a camera above his head, out of Ishihara's reach.

"I think you should mind your own business. I know you're in the journalism club, but I never thought you'd stoop this low to get a story." Maruyama spat at her, disgust in his voice.

She fell to the ground, pulling off her glasses and wiping her eyes. "This isn't about getting a stupid story. He humiliated me. Do you know what it's like to get dumped? For a guy? I've never felt so stupid."

If Maruyama felt any sympathy for her, he didn't show it. "So because he didn't return your feelings, you're going to ruin his reputation?"

She didn't say anything, and as she sniffled, Yasu realized that the pair had forgotten that he and Subaru were both still there.

Yasuda understood the situation, however. Ishihara had been spying on the moment he shared on the rooftop with Subaru. Worst of all, she had taken pictures and was planning on publishing it in the school newspaper. If Maruyama hadn't come along, the entire school would know about their relationship by the time the school paper came out the next day.

"I guess I was really wrong about the type of person you were. I'm glad you didn't return my feelings, because it makes this a lot easier." Maruyama opened the camera, pulling out the roll of film and pocketing it. "Here," he said, handing the camera back to her.

She didn't look up at him, or take the camera, so Maruyama knelt down next to her, pulling a handkerchief from his coat pocket. He set the camera down next to her and handed her the handkerchief. She took it from him, using it to wipe her tearstained cheeks.

"If you really like Yasuda-kun, if you really care about him, then at least try to be happy for him. I understand the feeling of liking someone who will never return your feelings. But he's happy with Subaru. His happiness, if you care about him, should also bring you happiness."

He sighed, looking over at Yasuda and Subaru finally as he stood up. "And you two should really be more careful of where you make out." With that, he dusted off his pants and headed towards the door.

When the door slammed shut behind Maruyama, Ishihara suddenly looked up at Yasu and Subaru as though she'd just remembered they were there.

With wide scared eyes, she stood up, covering her face with Maruyama's handkerchief. "I'm so sorry."

Yasuda didn't know what to say. He had thought that Ishihara could be trusted, but she had been planning to betray him the whole time. Glancing out of the corner of his eye at Subaru, his heart dropped in disappointment at the look on his face.

Moments before, Subaru had promised that he would try harder in their relationship. He had stepped out of his comfort zone in singing for Yasuda. He had shared something that had been precious between him and Rikiya. The song, Subaru's good-will offering to their relationship, was ruined now.

But Yasuda recognized that look of fear on Subaru's face. Any promises he had made were forgotten. Yasuda knew that he would retreat back into his reluctance. The fear of getting caught, of ruined reputations, maybe even of forgetting about Rikiya were all coming back.

He had known it was too good to be true. He knew, even at the front of his mind, that Subaru would end up hurting him again. That no matter how much he hated hurting Yasuda, it was the vicious cycle of their relationship.

No matter how many times the cycle repeated itself, or how much Yasuda's heart hurt, he would always go back to Subaru. He would always try his hardest to convince the long-haired boy that the relationship was worth it, and that he would withstand any pain or hardship. He knew that, in the end, Subaru would come back to him, because they needed each other. No matter how unhealthy it was, the constant cycle of reluctance, and passion and rejection, they would keep coming back to each other.

When he reached over to take Subaru's hand, the other boy shot up, running towards the door Maruyama had just escaped though. Yasuda could do nothing but sigh as the cycle restarted itself once more. And it would keep repeating itself until the day Subaru grew tired of it all and decided to go back to Rikiya.


end chapter


a/n: I've been avoiding posting this for two reasons. 1) it's not very good XD and 2) I don't know when I will be posting again. This week is looking really hectic for me so I may not get a chance to update this coming week. So please be patient with me until the next update. As a gift, I didn't really leave it on a cliffhanger this time.

Revolving - Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Yasuda tried to ignore the feeling nagging at him as he followed after Subaru, the lingering warmth of the other boy's hand already fading away. He stared at Subaru's back, the distance between the two growing as Yasu lingered on the conversation. The more he thought about it, the more worried over Subaru's avoidance of his question.

Subaru looked back over his shoulder at Yasuda. "Do you want to come over?"

Yasuda shook himself out of his train of thought, "You don't have to work today?"

He shook his head. "Not today."

Yasu nodded, taking Subaru's extended hand as he tried to shake his fears away.  He knew that for the time being, Subaru wasn't pushing him away. Instead of worrying about the future, about what Subaru's reluctance to answer his question meant, he decided to embrace the present.

Subaru grabbed Yasuda's hand, dragging him down the street. He glanced over his shoulder, grinning at Yasu. "Come on. Taeko isn't home right now."

Yasu's stomach flopped as he realized the meaning behind such a cheeky smile and exactly what activities Subaru had in mind. He sped up his pace, coming into step with Subaru as the last clinging doubts left his mind to be replaced by excitement.

A silence fell over them once again, a happiness filling Yasuda as he gripped Subaru's warm hand in his. This, he thought, must be bliss. Being able to hold hands with Subaru without the fear of what others would think.

He couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to be this way all of the time. To be able to hold his hand as they walked down the hall. Or just being able to look at him, to share smiles or jokes, without having to hide anything.

All of the things that Yasuda wanted felt so far out of reach. He had to wonder if he wanted the same things Subaru did. He knew, as his thumb slid over the top of Subaru's hand, that the other boy enjoyed being with him. There was a mutual attraction, a desire for closeness that neither of the two boys could deny.

He wanted more from Subaru.

Already, they were nearly at Subaru's house, and Yasuda was filled with a mixture of nervousness and excitement as Subaru looked over at him again.

The dark-haired boy released Yasuda's hand as he pulled a set of keys from his pocket to unlock the door. As soon as the door was unlocked and the pair were inside, behind closed doors, Subaru grabbed Yasuda's shoulders, pushing him back against the wall as he brought his lips down on him.

Yasu could do nothing but sigh at the contact as Subaru shrugged his jacket off. He clutched onto Subaru's shirt when the long-haired boy pressed his body into Yasu's, chest against chest, as he wedged his thigh between Yasuda's legs.

Shota was sliding down the wall, tilting his head back and opening his mouth as Subaru slid his tongue greedily into Yasu's mouth, his thigh pressing into Yasu's crotch. He gasped again, gripping hard onto Subaru's back as he pressed himself back against Subaru.

Subaru let out a pleased moan at the contact, and Yasu wondered as Subaru's fingers crawled under his shirt when he had become such a wanton person.

He was a teenage boy, so of course he knew what it felt like to be aroused, to be curious about the pleasure another person could give him. He would never have thought, however, that he would move this fast in a relationship.

Perhaps it was because of how much he wanted Subaru. Not just sexually. As he rolled his hips pressing himself into Subaru's thigh, his spine tingled in pleasure, and he thought that if he pressed himself just a little bit more he could absorb some part of Subaru into him. That if he gave himself wholly, maybe Subaru would give even the tiniest bit of himself in return.

He wanted to be the one Subaru shared his thoughts and fears and hopes with. Even if it was excruciatingly painful to hear about Rikiya, even if it crushed him, he wanted Subaru to be able to share everything with him. He wanted to continue being his support and his best friend in addition to his lover.

He would willingly give himself completely to Subaru, in the hopes that Subaru would someday surrender himself, mind and body. He realized that he was desperate to make every bit of Subaru completely his.

Yasu squeezed his eyes shut, rocking himself against Subaru, every sensation causing his arousal to heighten. Subaru removed his lips from Shota's, burying his face against his neck as he played with the short silky hairs at the nape of Yasu's neck.

Subaru arched his back, pressing his thigh firmly against Yasu's hard length as his fingers scraped against the warm skin of Yasu's own back.

Yasuda groaned, wanting to be free of his clothes, wanting to feel Subaru's skin on his own. He was shocked as he found his mind wandering to what it would feel like to be buried so deep inside of Subaru. His entire body was hot, on fire with desire. He needed to feel Subaru, feel that closeness, even more than he needed air.

But then the logical part of his brain took over and he thought that maybe everything was happening too fast. As much as he wanted it, he couldn't do this when Subaru wasn't even ready to acknowledge their relationship let alone give it a name.

Then a new fear struck Yasu, and he pushed Subaru away with force as wave after wave of nausea overcame him. He wondered what Subaru wanted from him. Was it really him that Subaru wanted? Or was he thinking of Rikiya every time they kissed?

After pushing Subaru away, Yasuda adjusted his clothes, panting hard and refusing to look at the other boy. His cheeks pinkened and Yasu felt, for perhaps the first time in his life, completely humiliated.

There was no shame or humiliation in the way he felt for Subaru. His feelings were pure, of that he was one hundred percent sure. How he felt for Subaru, he had never felt for another human being. He wasn't ashamed of the desire or embarrassed of how intimate of a moment they had just shared.

No, he was humiliated because he couldn't shake the feeling that in that moment, he was only some sort of momentary replacement for Rikiya.

"What's wrong?" Subaru asked, his voice suddenly filled with worry.

He couldn't tell Subaru how he felt. He refused to bring Rikiya up. He remembered what he had said when he confessed to Subaru. Remembered how he had basically told Subaru it was fine if he was always second to Rikiya.

Yasuda knew there was nothing he could but bury the pain it caused him, ignore the sick feeling that would surely well up in him every time he thought he was being compared to Subaru's ex-lover.

Subaru was still watching him in concern as the front door opened again and Subaru's little brother entered the home.

"What are you guys doing standing here?" He asked, eyeing Subaru and Yasuda with suspicion as he removed his shoes.

"Go away," Subaru spat at his little brother. "We're talking."

"Fine. Geez," the youngest Shibutani mumbled, climbing the stairs as he looked back at the pair in suspicion.

When the intruder was finally gone, Yasuda turned away. "I just remembered that I have to do something."

"Wait," Subaru called, latching onto Yasu's jacket. When Yasu turned to face the voice, Subaru was staring at him with a desperate look in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Yasu nodded and smiled through the pain. "I just forgot that I promised my mom I'd be home after school today."

"Okay," Subaru replied, an uncertainty in his voice as he released his hold on Yasuda's jacket. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

Yasu bit his lip as he opened the front door. "I don't know. I promised Ohkura-kun I would practice all weekend."

"I see," Subaru finished, and Yasuda felt bad for pushing him away. "I'll see you at school on Monday then?"

Yasu nodded, leaving the home and pulling the door shut behind him. Outside, no longer under Subaru's gaze he let out a shaking breath. As he began the short walk back home, he found that his body was shaking and his legs felt like they were made of rubber.

There was still lingering traces of arousal as Yasu remembered the way Subaru's body felt pressed against his, the way Subaru's nails had scraped gently against his skin. He could remember clearly the desire to feel all of Subaru, to fill him completely.

But the real reason why his legs were shaking was because he couldn't shrug the dirty feeling that his desires would never be returned by Subaru. He knew that as time went on, his feelings for Subaru would grow. These desires would not go away. The more time he spent with Subaru, the harder it would be to deny those desires.

He was already growing addicted to Subaru's lips, to his kisses and the way his hands felt on his body and the hot breath on his skin that made him feel like he was melting into the earth. He could push Subaru away now and avoid taking that final step that he knew would crush him.

He knew that he would be back. No matter how much it hurt him to think that Subaru was thinking of Rikiya, that he was only a replacement -- a cheap imitation of something Subaru wanted more.

The closer he let himself get to Subaru, the harder it would be to resist. His desire was already so thick he could taste it, feel it in his bones oozing to the surface with every look or touch Subaru gave him.

He couldn't shake the thoughts all night, and he felt scared as he realized it was only a matter of time before he offered every bit of himself to Subaru. That it was only a matter of time until Yasuda Shota would allow Shibutani Subaru to use him, to suffocate his happiness until it burned out, to take and take until Yasu was nothing more but the empty shell of a human being.


Yasuda Shota was awake, dressed and out of the house by noon. This feat was not only impressive for a high school student, but for someone who had spent half of the night worrying about the future.

As he walked down the street, destination in mind, he knew the wisest thing for him to do would be to turn around and return home. He knew that pushing Subaru away the previous night had been one of the smartest things he had ever done.

But he also knew that it was too late. He had tried to forget about Subaru once before and even then he realized that it was impossible. Somewhere in the short amount of time he had known the dark haired singer, their lives had already become so intertwined. As dangerous as he knew spending time with Subaru was, he still wanted to spend every spare moment together.

So when he entered the music shop expecting to see Subaru, he was disappointed to find Ryo dusting shelves.

"Hey!" Ryo called, looking up as Yasuda entered the music shop.

"Hey," Yasu returned the greeting distractedly as he looked around the shop for signs of the other employee.

"Subaru doesn't come into work until one today," Ryo grinned, watching Yasu in amusement as he pulled himself onto the counter, sitting down and letting his legs dangle over the edge. "So," he began.

Yasu tried to relax but the look Ryo was giving him was a bit creepy. "So what?"

"Your confession to Subaru. How did it go?" Ryo was smiling, and from the look on his face, Yasu could tell that he was eager to hear all about it. He had clearly forgotten about the warning he had given Yasuda, the same warning that Yasu wished he would have heeded.

Yasuda shrugged. "Fine."

"He accepted it?" Ryo's grin grew wider.

"He didn't turn it down," Yasu replied, feeling uncomfortable. Ryo's happiness at the relationship only made him feel worse in his own insecurity.

"So are you guys dating?" Ryo asked.

Yasuda shrugged again, unsure of how to answer that question. It was almost identical to the one he had asked Subaru the previous day. He wasn't given an answer, and so he couldn't figure out how to answer it. "We're together."

Ryo's grin got even wider then and he jumped off the counter, clapping Yasu on the shoulder. "That's great. I thought for sure you were going to get shot down."

The conversation didn't make Yasu feel any better, so he walked away from the taller boy. "Do you mind if I play until Subaru gets here? I promised Ohkura-kun I would practice this weekend."

Ryo's lip curled up in disgust at the mention of Ohkura's name but shook his head in response to the question. "I have to go unpack some boxes in the back so can you call me if any customers come?"

Yasuda nodded, picking up the red guitar he had fallen in love with and pulling the strap over his head. He plugged it into a nearby amp, and put on the accompanying headphones.

He sat down on the edge of a stool, first lightly plucking at the strings to warm his fingers up. And then he began playing a song he had been working on, closing his eyes and losing himself in the music.

When he felt a tap on his shoulder, he nearly jumped out of his skin and he was glad he put the strap on as he felt the guitar slide out of place on his lap. Looking at the source of disruption, he noticed Subaru was standing over him. Yasu pulled off the headphones, his heart still beating from the scare.

"What are you doing here? I thought you said you had to practice today." Subaru spoke, and Yasu couldn't help but notice how cold his voice sounded.

Yasu bit his bottom lip, worrying over whether Subaru was angry with him or not. "I wanted to see you."

Subaru relaxed at those words, blushing a little as he watched Yasu stand and remove the guitar. "Oh."

"I'm sorry about yesterday," Yasuda apologized, realizing how successful he had been in pushing Subaru away. He didn't want to make Subaru feel bad. That had never been his intention. And although he knew that he couldn't reveal the real reason behind his discomfort, he felt the need to ease Subaru's worries. "It was just moving too fast. I got scared."

Subaru nodded, stepping closer to Yasuda. "I know. I understand."

They stood awkwardly for a moment. Subaru looked like he wanted to move closer but was afraid of scaring Yasuda away. And Yasuda was honestly afraid of Subaru moving closer, worried he wouldn't be able to push him away again.

Yasuda decided it was worth the risk, as he reached forward, pulling Subaru into a hug. He thought, as Subaru's arms wound around his waist, that just the warmth of Subaru's touch was enough to make him momentarily forget about all of his fears and inhibitions.

Subaru buried his face against Yasuda's neck, pulling himself tight against his body. Lightly, he placed a kiss against Yasu's pulse and then, just barely a whisper, he murmured against the soft skin, "Don't push me away."

Yasu swallowed hard, not responding to the statement, not sure if he was even meant to hear the utterance. Subaru's grip on him loosened and he leaned forward, placing a light kiss on Yasuda's lips.

"Great," An annoyed voice sounded from behind Subaru.

Yasuda released Subaru, stepping back and spotting a very uncomfortable looking Ryo standing in the doorway. "Sorry."

"I think it's great that you guys are a couple now, or whatever," Ryo looked away, busying himself behind the counter as his face turned bright red. "But can you have some consideration for others? No one wants to see that."

"Sorry," Yasu replied again, feeling his own face flushing in embarrassment.

"Don't apologize. Ryo's just mad that he's not getting any," Subaru teased, sticking his tongue out and tugging Yasuda over to the counter.

"Any what?!" Ryo asked, completely horrified at the implication. "Whatever you're 'getting' from Yasu, I don't want to hear about it!"

Yasu's face got redder still and he couldn't even bring his eyes to look at Ryo. But when he looked up, Ryo's blush had already faded and he was staring at Subaru in annoyance.

"Ryo won't admit that he likes boys. He's just embarrassed because he's turned on." Subaru teased.

Ryo's face turned red once more and Yasu couldn't tell whether it was from embarrassment or anger. He decided to pull Subaru away before Ryo killed him.

Yasu dragged him back to the guitar section, sitting down on his stool again. "Do you have a lot to do today?"

Subaru shook his head. "Not really. I was planning on letting Ryo do most of the work anyway.

Yasuda picked up the guitar again, placing the strap over his head once again. This time, he unplugged the headphones, turning down the volume on the amp so as to not bother Ryo. "I've been working on a new song."

Subaru smiled, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. "Can I hear it?"

Yasuda nodded, counting off in his head before starting the song. Normally, when he played, he allowed his eyes to fall shut, nodding to the music and letting in infiltrate every inch of his body, inside and out. But there was something exhilarating about watching Subaru watch him play.

The way Subaru watched his fingers in rapture, or the admiration in his eyes. Yasuda didn't miss the way Subaru's breath would catch in his throat or the way his lips would move as though he was singing some unknown lyrics to the song. Yasu wanted Subaru to speak up so badly, to share what was going through his mind.

Then there were the intense moments when their eyes met, when their gazes locked and it seemed that he could tell exactly what Subaru was thinking. He could see the affection, the appreciation, the complete abandonment to the music and whatever feelings it evoked in Subaru. It was during those moments that the room became so electrically charged that Yasuda felt he would suffocate.

When their eyes met halfway through the song, Yasu felt it twisting at his insides. Every bit of desire he felt for the other boy, emotional and sexual, flowing out of his fingertips and creating the very soul of a song. The sensation twisted away up into his chest, squeezing the air out of his lungs in a delicious and overwhelming pain as he noticed the desire mirrored in Subaru's own gaze.

He stopped playing mid-song, sucking in air as he realized that he had forgotten to breathe. "Play with me," he requested, staring up at Subaru.

The look left Subaru's face almost immediately as he stood up from the wall he had been leaning against. He shook his head, staring down at the floor.

Yasu sighed, trying not to feel disappointed. He had asked Subaru hundreds of times to play with him and received the same head shake each time.

He understood Subaru's feelings. He knew it was hard to forget Rikiya, that playing together had been their thing. Yasuda knew why it was painful for Subaru, and didn't blame him for avoiding it.

But knowing all of that didn't make Yasuda hurt any less.

"I think I'm going to go home," Yasuda set the guitar down and stood up.

"Are you mad at me?" Subaru asked, suddenly looking worried.

Yasuda shook his head in response. He wasn't angry. There was no way he could get mad at Subaru for treasuring his feelings for Rikiya. But at the same time, his own feelings had been hurt and he didn't want to spend the rest of the day moping around. And he didn't want to continue playing there if Subaru wouldn't join him.

Subaru watched in concern as Yasuda slipped into the jacket he had taken off earlier. "I'm sorry," his voice was pleading. "Please stay."

The way Subaru was looking at him, his eyes filled with some type of pain, made it nearly impossible for Yasuda to resist.

Subaru took a step closer, grabbing Yasu's hand. "I'm sorry. I know I'm a jerk."

"No," Yasuda shook his head. It hadn't been his intention to make Subaru feel bad. "It's not you. It's me." He was intensely jealous of Rikiya and everything he'd shared with Subaru, but Yasu couldn't say that.

Subaru didn't look any less distressed as Yasuda returned the guitar to its rack on the wall and turned off the amplifier.

They were distracted then as the door to the shop open and an obnoxiously loud voice called out, "Payday!" As the owner of the voice came around the corner, looking for Subaru, he froze. "Ah! A customer? Good afternoon, sir. Welcome to Yokoyama's Music Shop. I'm the shop's proprietor."

The voice that had been so boisterous moments before, suddenly turned gentle and his language became riddled with keigo as he grabbed Yasuda's hand shaking it and bowing.

"He's not a customer," Subaru sighed in annoyance. "He's a friend."

"Oh," Yoko's face dropped and his voice changed back to the original tone. "In that case, leave if you're not going to buy anything."

Yasuda's eyes widened and was about to walk away when Subaru grabbed his arm. "Don't listen to him, Yasu. You can stay."

Yasuda was worried that his boss was going to say something, but the taller man just shrugged, pulling a check out of an envelope and handing it to Subaru. "Here you go, Subaru. Thanks for the hard work."

Subaru reached forward and grabbed the check. He walked over to the counter and Yasuda and Yokoyama both followed after him. From in the depths of his bag he pulled out a small notebook and opened it up.

Yasuda watched in confusion as Subaru opened his check and began jotting down in the notebook. Yokoyama, however, seemed to understand what he was doing. He leaned against the counter, one corner of his mouth twitching up in a smile. "How much do you have saved?"

"What are you saving for?" Yasuda asked, curiously, joining Subaru, Ryo and Yokoyama at the counter. Ryo's eyes widened and it seemed that everyone else had forgotten he was there. Subaru, realizing that Yasuda was watching him, grabbed the notebook and shoved it back into his bag.

The situation seemed curious to Yasu as he looked back and forth between Subaru and Ryo.

Yokoyama, completely oblivious to the situation, asked loudly, "Do you have enough saved up to move to Tokyo?"

It took all of five seconds for Yasuda's brain to process the question and all that was implied by it.

Subaru was saving money to move to Tokyo. To be with Rikiya. That realization caused a shocking pain to ripple through his entire being. He knew he shouldn't be surprised. He knew that Subaru was in love with Rikiya. He knew that he was second to Subaru's ex.

But the shock had him frozen in place, his brain working in overtime as he realized that Subaru would leave him as soon as he had enough money saved. No matter how he tried, he would always be second to Rikiya. There was nothing he could do but wait for Subaru to leave him. So when he finally remembered how to make his body work, he was already rushing towards the door.

"Yasu, wait!" Subaru called out, and from the corner of his eye he saw Ryo grab Subaru.

As soon as he was out of the shop, he ran until he was positive that Subaru wasn't following him. And then he fell to the ground and let himself cry.

In front of god and the world, Yasuda Shota let himself cry the loud and shaking sobs he hadn't experienced since he was a child.


Yasuda didn't go back to the shop that Saturday. He didn't go to Subaru the next day either, moping around the house and feeling sorry for himself at the realization that Subaru wasn't going to come chasing after him either.

By Sunday evening, Yasuda had already forgiven Subaru. The more he thought about it, he realized that there was really nothing to be forgiven. Subaru had never hidden his feelings for Rikiya. They both knew that he was still in love with Revolver's old lead guitarist.

Subaru had done everything to warn Yasuda against him. He had tried to stop the friendship. Had tried to put an end to any attraction the two felt for each other. It had been Yasuda's own decision to ignore Subaru's warnings and dive head first into the relationship.

Again, if Yasu would have just followed the logic of his brain instead of whatever other part of his body was telling him to let himself be consumed by Subaru, he would be able to walk away. He'd already been hurt by Subaru. Every moment they spent together was painful, every day Yasuda walked away with another bruise. Knowing that Subaru would leave him only made it more painful.

These were things he spent an entire day thinking about. But even if he knew all of these things, he knew that the next day he would pretend nothing had ever happened.

He wouldn't ask Subaru about the money. He wouldn't ask when Subaru was leaving. He would rather not talk about it, thought that it would be easier if he woke up one day to find that Subaru had gone already.

So when Monday rolled around and Yasuda walked into the classroom, he held his head high. And when Subaru's eyes met his, he simply smiled a reassuring smile and took his seat.

He could sense Subaru's discomfort, but he trusted that Subaru would never bring it up. Because he knew that it was painful for Yasuda. As much as Subaru continued to cause Yasuda pain, it was never intentional. Of that, Yasu had faith.

When lunchtime rolled around, Yasuda gathered up his bento and followed Maruyama and Ohkura from the classroom, trying his hardest to ignore that he could feel Subaru's eyes on his back.

"Yasuda-kun!" he heard a voice call as he listened in on the conversation Maru and Ohkura were having regarding the upcoming gig.

All three froze, turning around to see Ishihara running at them. Yasuda sighed, as Maruyama's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure," He glanced back over his shoulder at Ohkura and Maruyama.

Ohkura seemed quite distressed as he took note of the hard look on Maruyama's face. "Let's go Yasuda."

"I'll just keep him for a minute. He'll catch up with you guys," She grabbed Yasu's arm.

Yasu groaned. He just had everything worked out between him and Maruyama, and Ishihara seemed intent on driving a wedge between their friendship again. "What is it?" he sighed as he watched his two band mates walk towards the cafeteria.

"How are things with Subaru?" She asked.

"Shhh," He hushed her, wondering why she was bringing that up in school after he just talked to her about keeping it a secret on Friday. "Don't talk about it here."

"Come on," She said, smiling. "I can tell you're stressed out. What's going on?"

He sighed again. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about all of the things going on in his relationship, but this wasn't the time or the place. "Everything is fine."

"So, when are you going to see him again?" She asked, smiling slyly.

"Tonight, after school probably," Yasuda said, looking around and feeling nervous. He wanted to hurry up and leave before someone overheard their conversation.

"So romantic! A secret after-school rendezvous!" She squealed.

Before Yasuda had a chance to shush her, a voice called out, "Are you coming?"

When Yasu turned around, a distressed Ohkura and a glaring Maruyama were watching him closely. "Yeah," Yasuda called back. "I'll see you later, Ishihara-san"

He jogged to catch up with Maruyama and Ohkura, thankful as it seemed that neither of his friends had overheard the conversation or his plans to meet Subaru that night.

"What was that all about?" Ohkura asked cautiously.

"She just wanted to ask me about something," Yasuda answered, unable to come up with any other explanation.

"That's it?" Maruyama asked, his voice full of doubt.

"Yeah, what else would there be?" Yasuda laughed nervously.

"Yasu," Ohkura began, cautiously, "Maybe you should stop trying to be so nice to her. You're going to give people the wrong idea again." His eyes darted over to where Maruyama was staring at the floor, his jaw clenched.

"Maru," Yasuda poked the bassist's arm. "There's nothing between us. Believe me. I'm just trying to be nice to her. I don't want to be rude and hurt her feelings. She hasn't done anything to deserve being treated poorly."

Maru nodded, not saying anything. Yasuda could only hope that Maru understood that there was nothing between him and Ishihara.


Maruyama was quieter than usual throughout the rest of lunch and through band practice after school. When Ohkura finally dismissed them at five p.m., Yasuda hurriedly packed up his guitar.

"What's the rush?" Maruyama asked, eyeing him as he gently returned his own bass to its case.

"I'm meeting a friend," Yasu said, realizing that if he wasn't more careful, he was going to let something private slip.

"Oh, yeah?" Maru asked, the same suspicion from earlier coloring his tone. "Who?"

"Ah," Yasuda lied. "You don't know him." He struggled to come up with a name and spat out the first name that came to mind, "His name's Ryo."

Ohkura spun around at the mention of Ryo's name, dropping his drumsticks on the floor in shock. Yasu almost slapped himself as he realized that it was likely that they also knew Ryo.

Unlike Ohkura, Maru gave no reaction to the name. "Mmm. I see," he replied dryly, the suspicion still in his voice.

Yasuda tried to ignore it as he picked up his own case and hurried towards the door. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Ohkura was still bent over, collecting the drumsticks that had rolled across the floor and Maruyama was still sulking so the only farewell he received was from Ishigaki.

Yasuda hurried from the building, across the campus and down the street towards his home, completely unaware that someone was watching him, following behind him slowly.

He had sensed Subaru's distress that day, and although a small part of him relished the idea that Subaru was feeling miserable and guilty, there was a bigger part of him that just wanted to console his friend. So when he got to the shop, it was his intention to make sure Subaru knew he wasn't angry.

He opened the door of the shop, setting his guitar case down as Subaru's angelic voice reached his ears. He focused on the lyrics as he walked quickly and silently towards the source, recognizing them as the same sad ones he has seen scribbled on the notebook on Subaru's desk. The melody was skeletal, and still Subaru's voice was hauntingly beautiful.

When he was close enough, when he was sure that Subaru was unaware of his presence, he slipped his arms around the singer's waist. The scent of Subaru's hair filled his nose as he brushed it along the nape of Subaru's slim neck.

Subaru stiffened in his arm's, his singing paused mid-word.

"I could listen to you all day," Yasuda breathed, burying his face against Subaru's shoulder.

Subaru, recognizing the voice, turned in his arms, forcing Yasu to lift his head. A small smile was on his lips as he leaned forward, kissing Yasu's waiting lips.

Yasuda let his eyes fall shut, sighing into the kiss. He pulled Subaru tighter against his body, letting the kiss consume him as Subaru's wet tongue slid against his.

He was losing himself in the kiss, in Subaru's arms, in Subaru himself.  Through the kiss, he tried showing Subaru that he wasn't mad, that he's stay as long as he wanted, that he wouldn't try to ask Subaru to stay. Because in the end he only wanted Subaru to be happy. And for now, he didn't want the kiss or the moment to end as he poured every ounce of himself into it.

From behind him, however, he heard a voice that made him freeze in place. "What. the. hell."


end chapter


a/n: Okay so it was originally my intention to post two chapters today as per the demand of
[info]anippan. But in the end, I decided not to. I mean, I wrote such a lovely cliffhanger here that it would be such a waste to post the next chapter immediately. So I think I will let you all stew in the angst of this chapter along with the WTF ending. If I'm feeling nice, I'll post the next chapter tomorrow since it's already done.

Revolving - Chapter 12

Yasuda's first panicked thought was not that they had been caught. If he stopped to think about it, he would have realized that he really didn't care who found out. Yes, thinking about what Ohkura or Maru or his classmates would say was scary. But he knew that he would have Subaru by his side.  Even if everyone hated them, he would still have Subaru to comfort and protect him.

Instead of those thoughts, however, Yasu was focused solely on Subaru, who had jumped up from the bed and was now pacing back and forth across the room.

"I knew this was a bad idea," Subaru muttered, running a hand through his hair.

That comment, more than the pacing, had Yasu worried. "I'll talk to her. Don't worry about it."

But Subaru was already shaking his head. "I acted too quickly. This isn't going to work out, Yasu."

Yasuda shook his head fiercely, standing up. "You don't know that."

"Look what's already happened," Subaru looked torn. "I no sooner made the decision and already its blown up in our faces."

"I don't care that she saw us," Yasu tried assuring Subaru.

But he shook his head, his long hair blocking his face from view. "I care," he said quietly, and Yasu had an overwhelming sense of deja vu. "Look at what they did to me." He motioned to his mud-stained jersey. "They hate me. And when they find out what just happened, they'll hate you too. If not because of me, then just because you're gay."

Yasu opened his mouth to protest, but Subaru shut him up by continuing. "I know you say that you don't care about it. But I do." He paused, looking up at Yasu. "Was it easy for you to watch those guys push me around?"

Yasu hesitated, already understanding where Subaru was going. "It wasn't easy, but..."

"There are no buts, Yasu. I don't want to sit back and watch you get bullied knowing that it's my fault."

"It isn't your fault. This is a decision I mad on my own. I know how you feel about me. I know that you want to be with me too, so its too late to take it back now."

Subaru stopped his pacing. "You can't force me to be in a relationship with you."

Yasu noted the worried look on Subaru's face, "So then what do you think we should do? You just want to pretend that we don't know each other? We can never talk again?"

"It's not what I want, but maybe it's for the best," Subaru finished.

"I can't stay away from you, Subaru," Yasu admitted. "I tried, but it doesn't work. And you can't stay away from me either. If you could, you wouldn't have snuck off to be here with me right now."

From the look on Subaru's face, Yasu could tell that Subaru was already losing his will to fight.

"We could be friends, we could go back to hanging out after school," Subaru offered weakly.

"I can't go back to that. I won't be able to resist touching you or kissing you," Yasu admitted, blushing.

"You're making this too complicated," Subaru complained, distress entering his voice.

"You're the one making it hard," Yasu disagreed. "I like you and you like me. So then let's be together."

Subaru sighed heavily and it seemed as though he didn't know how to respond. Yasu wasn't going to give up especially not when he could see Subaru struggling so hard to come up with a good excuse to end their relationship.

He stepped forward, grabbing Subaru's hand and shyly placing a kiss on his cheek. "I'll talk to Ishihara-san. Don't worry about it."

Subaru still looked very distressed, even more so as Yasuda took a step towards the door. "Shouldn't you be resting?"

Yasu shook his head, a smile spreading across his face as he tried to reassure Subaru. "I feel fine." He felt better than fine, in reality. He'd spent the past two days worrying over Subaru's answer. Now that he had it, that he knew Subaru felt the same way, Yasu felt that he could easily go out and run a marathon. "I'll see you back in class."

He left the nurse's office before either Subaru had a chance to change his mind or he could no longer control his urge to kiss Subaru again. Quickly, he surveyed the hallway for any signs of Ishihara Sara.

It would seem, however, that she had already disappeared back into her classroom. Panicked, Yasu glanced up at a clock, surprised to see that it was already lunch period.

If he was going to stop Ishihara before she told anyone what she saw, he would have to hurry. His pace quickened as he headed towards the cafeteria.

When he came to the doorway, he paused, scanning the cafeteria for any sign of Ishihara. When he realized she was nowhere to be found, he hurried towards his regular table.

"Yasu," Ohkura greeted, his mouth full of food. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Yasu answered, though he was starting to feel queasy again at the thought of who Ishihara might be telling at that moment. There was a moment of brief relief at the realization that the news hadn't yet reached his friends.

"Yasu," Ishigaki rushed towards the table, joining Maru and Ohkura. Looking up at Yasuda, he continued. "I just saw Ishigaki coming out of the girl's room crying. Did you break up with her?"

Maru looked up from his bento for the first time since Yasu arrived at the table.

Yasuda paused, wondering what he should say as he realized that this could be his chance to patch things over with Maru. "We weren't dating. I only told her that I don't feel the same way about her."

Ohkura was beaming as his eyes kept shifting over to Maru, who had been listening intently to the conversation.

Yasu continued, this time looking directly at Maruyama. "Maru, I'm sorry if I hurt you. I wanted to tell you that there was nothing going on between Ishihara and me. I didn't mean to betray you."

Maru looked down at his bento, shaking his head a little. "I knew that she had feelings for you. And there's nothing that I can do about that. It just really hurt to think that you would date her even knowing how I feel."

Yasu shook his head, "I wouldn't do that to a friend. Besides, she's really not my type."

Maru smiled, and Ohkura started clapping his hands. "Its about time, you two. Now we can finally practice. Unless you're not feeling up to it, Yasu."

Yasu smiled sheepishly as he finally sat down in his chair, and he was really happy, for a moment, knowing that he had patched things over with Maru and started a relationship with Subaru. And then as he remembered Ishihara could be telling someone right at that moment, he stood up.

"Where are you going?" Ohkura asked, looking at his with concern.

"I feel bad. About Ishihara crying. I think maybe I should go talk to her," Yasu pushed his chair in, noticing the way Maruyama was looking at him with suspicion.

At that moment, Ishihara came into the cafeteria, her eyes meeting Yasuda's and she quickly looked away. Yasu sighed at the look of mixed sadness and bitterness on her face. He needed to talk to her, and his moment was quickly passing as she approached the table she usually sat at with her friends.

"I'll be back in a minute," He told his friends, heading to where Ishihara was taking her seat. He felt nervous as he approached her table, trying desperately to figure out what he was going to do about the situation.

When he finally arrived at the table, Ishihara was trying her hardest to ignore him. Though she wasn't actively participating in the conversation with her friends, she also wasn't going to acknowledge that Yasu was standing right next to her. So Yasu cleared his throat. "Ishihara, can I talk to you?"

She didn't bother looking up at him as she answered, "I don't think there's anything to say..."

Sara's friends looked back and forth between Yasu and Ishihara in interest. One of them finally spoke, standing up. "Why don't we give them a few minutes to talk?" She suggested to the rest of the girls at the table.

As soon as the table was cleared, Yasu took a seat near Ishihara. A silence fell over the table as he struggled for an explanation to offer her. "I'm sorry," was all that he could think to offer.

She didn't say anything, staring down at her lunch as she clenched his jaw, tears springing to her eyes. "If you came to tell me not to say anything, I won't."

"Thank you." Although that had been what Yasu had come over to talk about, he didn't feel much relief. Not when Ishihara was crying and it was his fault. "And I'm sorry that I couldn't return your feelings."

She shook her head, "You tried to tell me, didn't you? When I confessed. But I didn't want to hear it."

Yasu bit his lip. It was true, he had tried to turn down her confession, but she hadn't given him a chance.

"I never would have thought the reason was because of Subaru," She sniffed, finally looking up at Yasuda. "I thought that if I tried hard enough, you'd come around eventually."

He tried comforting her, "You're an amazing girl. And if I wasn't," he paused to look around and make sure that no one was listening in, "...with Subaru, then I would be happy to be with someone like you. I really admire you. You're smart and pretty and kind..."

She smiled, still teary, "But that's not good enough, huh?"

"It's good enough for someone. Just not me," Yasu finished.

She sighed, looking down at her bento again as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "This kind of sucks."

Yasu nodded, agreeing. He knew how hard it was to confess to someone knowing that there was a good chance they didn't feel the same way. He knew what it was like to feel that the person you like is in love with someone else. Obviously, even if a person had never experienced such feelings, they would knew it was an awful experience.

But Yasuda honestly didn't expect that being unable to return someone's feelings would make him feel so horrible. "There will be other people." He tried reassuring her, although he himself didn't think that there was anyone for him beyond Shibutani Subaru. He hoped that he would never have to find out either.

She sighed, "That's nice of you to say. You're so nice, Yasuda-kun. That's one of the reasons I like you so much. You're much kinder than the other boys here."

He shook his head, "That isn't true. There are plenty of nice guys here." He paused. "Like Maru."

"Maruyama?" She asked, looking up. "Well, yeah, I guess."

Yasuda nodded enthusiastically. "He really likes you, too, you know."

"Really?" She asked, sounding rather flattered

Yasuda wondered if he had overstepped his boundaries by divulging Maruyama’s crush. He thought, however, that it would be  he could both help Maruyama and comfort Ishihara.

She sighed then though, “He’s not my type, though.”

Yasuda wanted to shake her, ask her why she was being so picky. Yasu felt that he knew nothing about him before she had chosen him to be her type. They’d had only a handful of conversations before she had decided that she liked him. Was she shallow enough to like someone based only on appearance?

He didn’t know what to say. Finding himself slightly disappointed in her, he rose from his place at the lunch table. He wanted to tell her that it bothered him that she turned Maruyama down without consideration, but he knew it wasn’t his place.

People couldn’t help who they were attracted to. Ishihara didn’t want to be with Maruyama. There was no attraction there, and no matter how ideal the situation was, he couldn’t force her to like him. Just like he couldn’t force himself to like her.

And Yasuda thought that he wasn’t so different from Ishihara. Now that he looked back, there had always been an attraction between him and Subaru.

On some level, there had always been something there since the moment Yasuda had laid eyes on the boy. At first, it was easy to deny. He reasoned that Subaru didn’t want to be alone, and certainly didn’t deserve it. Everybody needed someone to lean on. Now, he was willing to admit that he had needed Subaru just as much, had sought out his warmth for his own benefit.

Against Ohkura’s wishes, he’d wanted Shibutani Subaru in his life. He’d risked his reputation at school, his friends, his place in Revolver, all to be able to spend time with the long-haired boy. That thought suddenly made him feel like throwing up again, so he leaned on the table and closed his eyes, trying to will the dizziness away.

The relationship with Subaru was already in shaky territory. Subaru had a point in being scared. As soon as their relationship had begun, there were already problems. And there would always be problems. He wondered if there could ever be a time when they wouldn’t have to sneak around and pretend they didn’t know each other.

For the time being, he just had to hope that things would work out. He wanted to believe that someday it would be okay to tell people how he felt about Subaru. He wanted to be able to smile at him, to look at him without having to worry about who was watching. He wanted to hold hands and share kisses and not be ashamed by the lingering touches.

Yasu cleared his throat. “Ishihara, thank you.”

“Eh?” She looked surprised. “For what?”

“For everything. For not telling anyone about what you saw. For liking me enough to put your feelings aside. I really think you’re an amazing person...”

She blushed. “Stop. You’re going to make me fall for you all over.”

He smiled, shaking his head. “I hope we can still be friends.”

She bit her bottom lip, looking hesitant before she nodded her head. “Am I the only one who knows?”

Yasu froze. “Well, besides Subaru’s mom. And my sister. And our friend Ryo...”

“So then Ohkura and Maru?”

Yasuda’s eyes widened, “No! You can’t tell them. They don’t even know that I’m friends with Subaru.”

An indiscernible look crossed her face for a moment, but it was quickly replaced by a sweet smile. “I won’t tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me.”

Yasuda had a sick feeling in his stomach as he walked away from Ishihara’s table back to his own. As he rubbed his stomach, he tried telling himself that it was because of his lack of food and sleep, and not some kind of foreboding warning sign.


When Yasuda re-entered the classroom after lunch, Subaru was already sitting at his desk. As Yasu seated himself, he noticed the blush on Subaru’s face and the way he was trying to use his hair as a curtain to avoid being looked at.

Yasu was tempted to say something to him because he could sense the nervousness of the earlier situation radiating off of him. As soon as he managed to make eye contact with Subaru, he nodded encouragingly, hoping to alleviate some of the palpable stress.

The end of the day didn’t come soon enough, and when Murakami finally dismissed the class, Subaru immediately shot out of his desk. He seemed to linger by the door, casting Yasuda glances, but with Ohkura and Maruyama approaching, there was no way they could meet.

“Now that things are finally smoothed over between you two, can we please practice today?” Ohkura begged, looking back and forth between Yasuda and Ohkura.

Yasu glanced sideways towards the door, his heart sinking in disappointment as he realized that Subaru had already left. “I forgot my guitar at home,” Yasuda replied sheepishly.

Ohkura groaned in displeasure. “The one day this week we’ve gotten a chance to practice and you forget your guitar.”

“I’m sorry,” Yasu hung his head guiltily.

“He’s sick anyway, Ohkura. Let him rest. We can practice next week,” Maru commented, and Yasu suddenly remembered that it was Friday already.

Ohkura sighed heavily. “We have our first gig coming up...”

“We’ll both practice all weekend,” Maruyama spoke up, and Yasu felt happy that Maru was back on his side for the first time in what felt like weeks.

“No more skipping practices,” Ohkura said, finally relenting. “Every practice for the rest of the year. I don’t care how sick you are.”

Yasuda and Maruyama both nodded. “Yasu you can go home and get some rest. I think you should still come to practice, Maru. We should at least practice some.”

Maruyama sighed, clearly hoping to get out of practice too. Instead, he watched miserably as Yasuda gathered up his things. “I’m tired too.”

“Its your own fault that you’re tired. Both Yasuda and I tried telling you that the whole Ishihara thing was a misunderstanding.” Ohkura retorted, dragging Maruyama from the classroom.

“I know,” Maru sighed, allowing himself to be dragged away. “Sorry, Yasu.”

“That’s okay,” Yasu smiled. “I’ll see you two Monday.” He waved to his two friends, hurrying out of the from the school building. Subaru had already left, and he wanted to meet him so they could walk home together.

“Yasuda-kun!” He heard a voice call as he was sprinting towards the school gates. For a moment, he thought to ignore it.

He sighed, however, turning towards the voice. “Ishihara. What’s up?”

“Where’s Subaru?” She asked loudly.

“Shhh,” He shushed, looking around before grabbing her hand. “Don’t say that so loud here.”

As he dragged Ishihara out of the gates, he had no idea that Maruyama happened to be looking out the music classroom’s window.


After he had gotten rid of Ishihara, Yasuda sprinted down the street towards home, hoping to find Subaru. About a block from the music shop where Subaru worked, Yasu successfully spotted his friend. “Subaru!” he called.

He saw Subaru stiffen and look around, and when he finally turned around and looked in Yasuda’s direction, a shy smile stretched across his face. He waited for Yasu to catch up to him, switching his weight between feet nervously.

As Yasuda hurried to meet him, he suddenly felt nervous too. “Hi,” he said as he finally caught up, out of breath.

“Hi,” Subaru replied, pursing his lips as a silence settled over the pair.

“So,” Yasu began.

“What did Ishihara say?” Subaru blurted out.

Yasu shook his head, “She won’t say anything. She promised.”

Subaru sighed in relief and Yasu wondered where that left them. It was true that he still considered Subaru his best friend. But to call him as a friend seemed wrong. The invisible line they had been toeing was crossed. They were more than friends. So Yasu wondered if it was okay to think of Subaru as his lover. Or his boyfriend.

As he stood there, waiting for Subaru to say something, his nervousness increased. Would Subaru try to reject him again? Would he want them to remain as friends only? The longer they stood there, the more Yasuda’s confidence in their future seemed to falter.

And then Subaru reached forward, grabbing Yasu’s hand. “I’m glad.”

As soon as Yasu got over the shock, he gripped Subaru’s hand in return, allowing himself to be pulled down the street. “Hey, Subaru?”

“Yeah?” Subaru responded, still holding Yasu’s hand.

“What are we?” Yasu asked.

“We’re people,” Subaru responded.

Yasu shook his head, “But what can I call you? I mean, are you my boyfriend?”

“Don’t worry so much about it,” Subaru said, sliding his hand out of Yasu’s.

Yasuda didn’t know what to think about Subaru’s answer. He tried to imagine that Subaru was just trying to comfort him in his own way. But he couldn’t worrying because it felt like Subaru was purposely avoiding putting a label on their relationship.


end chapter


A/N: I'm so not happy with this chapter. So the next one will probably be coming soon ><