April 30th, 2011


Revolving - Chapter 16

When Yasuda woke up the next morning, the events of the previous evening immediately came flooding back into the front of his mind. Smiling, he brought his hands to his warm cheeks. He couldn't believe everything that had happened. After months of Subaru's wavering feelings, Yasu finally had a clear idea of where he stood in Subaru's life.

The situation wasn't ideal. Yasu was willing to admit that it hurt to hear Subaru say that he still had lingering feelings for Rikiya. But all of that pain was easy to forget when he told himself that Subaru also had feelings for him. To Yasu, it wasn't important that Subaru still had feelings for Rikiya, because he knew that with time, those feelings would disappear for good. If he showed Subaru enough love, how could he possibly keep thinking about Rikiya?

Yasu's grin widened and his blush deepened as his thoughts wandered back to exactly what he'd done the night before. It seemed surreal that they'd officially crossed the line of friendship and for Yasu, there was no going back now. He could feel the first stirrings of arousal as he remembered the way Subaru tasted and the sounds he made and how happy Yasu felt to just lay beside him. Already, he couldn't wait to do it again.

Then, the thought occurred to him that now it was only a matter of time before they took the physical side of their relationship even further. His stomach flopped in a mixture of nervousness and excitement at the thought of going all the way with Subaru.

He wondered, as he climbed out of bed, if Subaru was a virgin like him. Had he done it with Rikiya? He shook his head as he got dressed, trying to push those thoughts far from his mind. It didn't matter what he'd done with Rikiya. What was important was that Subaru would be with him from then on.

Even though he tried to push those thoughts from his mind, he couldn't tear the sex-related fears from the forefront of his brain. As he left his house and rounded the corner towards the music shop where Subaru worked, he hoped that his boyfriend would be waiting for him. When it appeared that Subaru wasn't there, Yasu waited and as the minutes stretched on, his stomach was filled with an uneasiness.

Was Subaru going to push him away again? After what they'd just done, was Subaru already having second thoughts? Yasu's stomach twisted itself into knots so tight, he feared he might throw up. Just as the tears were about sprang to his eyes, Yasu hear a familiar voice call, "Sorry I'm late."

Turning to face the voice, Yasu was greeted with the sight of a very tired looking Subaru. Ignoring his boyfriend's sleepy disposition, Yasu smiled brightly. "I thought you weren't coming."

Subaru didn't respond, reaching for Yasu's hand and pulling him down the street. The silence settled over the pair, and Yasu was happy just relishing in the warmth of Subaru's hand. The only thing that would make the morning better was if Subaru didn't have to drop his hand and fall out of step behind Shota. He wished, more than anything in the world, that he could walk past the school gates with Subaru's hand held tightly in his own. He wanted to be able to eat with Subaru at lunch and whisper to him during classes.

He'd never liked having to hide his relationship with Subaru. If he had his way, he would spend all of his time, both in school and outside of it, with Subaru. But Subaru was being thoughtful enough in always considering his feelings, so returning the favor was the least he could do. Hopefully, someday Subaru would be comfortable enough to let their peers know about their relationship. And if it didn't happen during high school, then once they graduated there would be nothing holding him back.

"Hey Yasu," Maruyama called from where he was standing by the doors of the entrance. As soon as Yasu got close enough, Maru grabbed Yasu's arm and leaned close as they walked through the doors. "How are things with Subaru-kun?"

"Things are good," Yasu replied with a blush as he remembered the event of the previous night.

The blush didn't go unnoticed by Maru, and he was about to ask before Ohkura joined the pair, "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" both Maru and Yasu quickly replied as they removed their outdoor shoes.

Ohkura looked back and forth between his two bandmate, eyeing them suspiciously. “What are you two hiding?”

Yasu looked over at Maru, his eyes wide in fear. Things were starting to look up between him and Subaru and Ohkura finding out right now would be the worst possible thing to have happen. Yasu would like to think that there was no more hesitation from Subaru, but he knew that was expecting to much. He was happy with the direction that things were going, but he wasn't stupid enough to think that the previous night could erase all of Subaru's existing fears.

Maruyama seemed to sense Yasu's dilemma, and he turned to Ohkura. "We're not hiding anything," he reassured Ohkura in a way that only Maru could.

Ohkura narrowed his eyes and looked back and forth between the pair for a moment. Maru smiled calmly at him and that seemed to put any of Ohkura's doubts at rest for the time being. Shaking his head, he began, "I just wanted to tell you two that rehearsal is cancelled today. My dad needs me home early so I can't make it."

"Okay," Yasu nodded, a smile spreading across his face. It felt like it had been ages since he visited Subaru at the shop and now he'd get the chance. He hoped that Ryo wouldn't be there so that he could have time alone with Subaru.

"You don't have to be so happy about it," Ohkura mumbled, eyeing Yasu grumpily.

"Ah," Yasu frowned, remembering that his friends were still standing there watching him drift off into Subaru fantasy land. "I didn't mean it like that..."

"Just forget about it," Ohkura told him, turning to leave.

As soon as the drummer was out of sight, Maru sighed and turned to Yasu. "You are so transparent!"

"I'm sorry," Yasu mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Well, I think it's cute," Maru commented, ruffling Yasu's hair. "But if you want to keep it a secret, you should probably try harder not to stand around blushing with that goofy smile on your face."

Yasu's blush only deepened at Maru's comment and he reached up to touch his warm cheeks. "Is it obvious?"

"That you're in love?" Maru teased, making kissy faces at Yasu.

"Stop that," Yasu laughed, pushing Maru away.

"Yasu's in love?" A voice spoke up behind them, and when the pair turned around, Daisuke was standing only inches behind them, listening in with an interested look on his face.

"No!" Maru and Yasu shouted in unison for the second time that day.

Quickly sharing a look, Maru took charge of the situation once more. "Did you hear that rehearsal is canceled?" He changed the subject, hoping that Ishigaki would forget whatever he'd heard of the conversation he'd been having with Yasu.

"Really? Awesome. I have a test tomorrow I should really study for," Daisuke grinned and then turning to Yasu, he asked, "So who are you in love with?"

Yasu looked over at Maru, a desperate look on his face. He knew that he'd been depending on Maru way too much to help him out of whatever holes he dug himself into regarding Subaru, but he had no idea what to do.

Maru looked over at Yasu, "I think we can trust him..."

Yasu hesitated. He didn't know Daisuke very well. The other boy was a year younger than him and the only interaction they really had was during rehearsal or the occasional conversation at the lunch table. But he knew that Maru was good friends with the second year and he trusted Maru. The bassist had gone out of his way to protect him and his relationship, so if he thought that Daisuke was trustworthy, then he'd believe him. He nodded at Maru.

Maru grabbed Daisuke's arm, dragging him into one of the more quiet corridors of the school. "You have to promise to keep this a secret."

Daisuke nodded excitedly. "What is it?"

"Yasu's kinda dating someone in the school..." Maru began slowly, seeming to test Daisuke's reaction.

"Seriously?" Daisuke asked excitedly, his voice growing louder. "Who is it?"

"Shhh," Yasu quieted his bandmate, looking around to make sure there were no eavesdroppers. "It's Subaru."

Daisuke stood for a moment, and if Yasu wasn't so nervous, he would have laughed at the reaction. For a moment, Daisuke's face was blank and then as if Yasu could see the wheels turning in Daisuke's head, he quickly went quickly from confused to shocked. "Wait. Like Subaru Subaru? As in the Subaru that used to be in Revolver?"

Maru nodded, holding his finger to his lips to quiet Daisuke. "Yeah, but be quiet!"

"Wait," Daisuke shook his head. "You're dating Subaru?" he asked Yasu, his face returning to confused.

Yasu nodded his head, feeling a mixture of nervousness and excitement at finally being able to tell someone. "Yeah."

"That's great!" Daisuke grinned, clapping a hand on Yasu's shoulder.

"You don't care?" Yasu asked, surprised at Daisuke's reaction. The younger boy not only didn't care that he was dating Subaru, the band's sworn enemy, but he didn't seem fazed that Yasu was dating a guy.

"Why would I care?" Daisuke asked. "No offense, but it doesn't really surprise me that you swing that way. And I have nothing against Subaru. I already told you that I think it was a mistake to have kicked him out of the band. But by now, you must know how Ohkura is. He told us not to talk to Subaru and that was that. I always felt kind of bad about it..."

"Me too," Maru frowned. "I kind of wish I would have said something back then. I miss Subaru. The band isn't the same without him."

Daisuke nodded and it seemed that for the time being the pair forgot that Yasu was standing right there as they reminisced about when Subaru had still been in the band. "Hey," Daisuke began, "Maybe we should apologize."

Maru nodded, "I've been thinking the same thing lately. That whole thing with Rikiya really bugs me."

Yasu shifted uncomfortably at the mention of Rikiya's name. Shaking off the uneasiness that always crept upon him at the mention of Rikiya, Yasu told his bandmates, "I'm sure Subaru would appreciate the apology."

"Let's go after school then," Daisuke exclaimed excitedly. "It's perfect since we don't have rehearsal today."

Maru nodded enthusiastically. "The sooner, the better, right?"

Yasu frowned, "No but..."

Daisuke seemed to ignore whatever protests Yasu was trying to make as he nodded at Maru. "Does he still work at the music shop?"

Maru nodded. "Yeah. Should we go after school?"

As Daisuke and Maru made their plans, Yasu took to pouting and crossed his arms over his chest. He'd wanted the time alone in the shop with Subaru. He was glad that Maru and Daisuke wanted to apologize to Subaru. Afterall, Subaru had done nothing wrong in dating Rikiya. It hurt Yasu to think about it, but Subaru had been in love with Rikiya and in the end he was punished for that love. Subaru deserved the apology, but that didn't stop Yasu from pouting selfishly. He wanted Subaru for himself that afternoon but Maru and Daisuke were insistent on ruining that for him.

By the time Yasu snapped out of his pout, Maru and Daisuke were halfway down the hall and the chime signaling the beginning of classes was ringing.Yasu hurried to catch up with his two bandmates and by the time he did, Maru and Daisuke were saying their goodbyes at the doorway of the classroom.

Once Daisuke was gone, Yasu followed his friend into the classroom. “Wait. Maru,” he called out, trailing after the taller boy.

“You’re late! Sit down,” Murakami scolded the two, effectively putting and end to whatever conversation Yasu had been trying to start with his friend.

Plopping down in his chair, Yasu stared hard at the back of Maru’s head. After a few moments of glaring, his attention shifted to Subaru. Looking over at his boyfriend, and now lover, a pink blush covered his cheeks as he recalled, for the millionth time, what had happened the previous night.

In fact, once the memory entered his head, he couldn’t dislodge it. Focusing on Murakami’s lesson became impossible with Subaru sitting so close. All Yasu could think about was the way Subaru tasted, and the noises he made, and the way he was writhing against his bed in pleasure as Yasu’s mouth worked over him.

And the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to do it again. Of course he was a normal teenager and he’d thought about sex before. But until recently, it had only been fantasies about girls and that was all he’d ever really considered. But since he’d met Subaru, all of the ideals he’d had about losing his virginity had slowly begun to change.

He was nervous about going all the way with Subaru, but Yasu had never wanted someone the way he wanted Subaru. If he stopped to think about it, he would realize how strange and surreal it was that all of his expectations about sex had been flipped around when he’d met Subaru. Until this moment, he hadn’t seriously thought about it.

He’d never fully stopped to think about his feelings for Subaru and what they met. Subaru was just a person, and Yasu just happened to be extremely attracted to him. After realizing that, he wasn’t scared. He didn’t know if it meant he was gay and he didn’t think he should be ashamed. He knew better than to stress over the fact that he had romantic feelings for Subaru. It was just the way things were.

But he was nervous about the sex. Not that he didn’t want it. Even before he’d made his feelings clear to Subaru, he’d entertained the idea of a physical relationship in his head -- whether it was simply in his desire to kiss Subaru or hold him, Yasu had been thinking about it for a long time.

In the end, the thing Yasu was most worried about was whether or not he’d be able to go through with it. Though the desire was there, burning strongly under the surface, the thought of actually being fully intimate with Subaru was enough to turn Yasu into a stuttering pile of nerves.

And that’s why he was so amazed that yesterday he’d been able to do it so easily. When it came down to it, in the heat of the moment, Yasu’s desire to be with Subaru, to feel that physical connection, outweighed any other fears or doubts he had.

But they still hadn’t gone that far and if Yasu thought carefully about it and its implications, he knew all of that nervousness would come flooding back. For now though, his mind was occupied with the previous night and the only thing Yasu felt was desire pooling in the pit of his stomach.

Glancing over at Subaru for the millionth time that day, the desire only intensified itself. Shifting in his seat in attempt to control the effect these thoughts were having on his anatomy, Yasu thought that perhaps this when beyond desire.

He’d felt desire before. Or at least he thought he had. Desire, he’d always thought, was fiercely wanting something. He’d desired having friends, and good grades and even a pretty girlfriend in the past. But this situation was completely different. He felt like he needed Subaru.

At that moment, it took every ounce of Yasu’s self control to keep from reaching over to Subaru. He wanted to feel the warmth of Subaru’s thigh under his palm and he wanted to be able to slide his hand up that expanse of skin and wrap it around Subaru intimately. He wanted to feel the weight of Subaru in his hand, and he wanted to hear him moan once more.

Yasu almost groaned with how much he wanted it. And Subaru seemed to notice the way Yasu was constantly looking at him, which in turn made Yasu wonder if perhaps Subaru was thinking about the same thing because every time their eyes met, a blush would color Subaru’s cheeks. And that only made Yasu want him more.

Yasu sighed and when Maru turned around to glare at him he realized that he must have been making exasperated sounds all morning. Normally, Maru’s glare would have been enough to quiet him, afterall... it was uncommon for Maru to show annoyance. But today, Yasu didn’t care. Maru was part of Yasu’s restlessness. He wouldn’t be half as frustrated at that moment if Maru and Daisuke weren’t planning on ambushing Subaru during their alone time. So really it was Maru’s fault that he couldn’t indulge in his fantasy of getting Subaru alone in the stockroom of the music shop, pulling his pants down as he kneeled in front of the long-haired boy and took him into his mouth.

Yasu sighed loudly again and this time several of his classmates turned around to look at him. From the corner of his eye, he could see that Subaru was also watching him and though he knew it was dangerous, he couldn’t resist turning to look at his boyfriend.

Subaru looked embarrassed the moment their eyes met and he quickly turned away as if he knew exactly what Yasu was thinking. Which could only mean that he’d been thinking about it too. And that made Yasu nervous. What did Subaru think about it? he wondered. Was it good for him? Did he like it? Did he want Yasu to do it again?

He glanced over at Subaru again, wishing that he could read the other boy’s mind. It had suddenly occurred to him that perhaps Subaru hadn’t enjoyed it as much as he had. Afterall, he hadn’t said anything afterwards. Or this morning.

Continue to Part 2

Revolving - Chapter 16 Part 2

But before Yasu had time to consider it more deeply, the bell signaling the beginning of the lunch period chimed. Ten minutes earlier, Yasu had the full intention of tracking down Maru and Daisuke and making sure that they wouldn’t show up at the shop. But now that he’d started to worry about Subaru’s opinion on what they’d done, the only thing on his mind was getting Subaru alone so that they could talk.

As the other students stood up to leave, Yasu sat behind, waiting for everyone to file out of the classroom.

“Are you coming?” Ohkura asked, pausing to stand beside Yasu’s desk.

Shaking his head quickly, Yasu replied, “I’m a little behind on the math homework so I’m gonna stay for a few minutes and work on it some more.”

Ohkura eyed Yasuda suspiciously and Maru shot the guitarist a warning look. Yasu knew that his behavior was suspicious. Even when he zoned out in class, he was still one of the best students. But right now, Yasu was much more worried about Subaru than he was about Ohkura finding out.

“I’ll catch up with you in a few minutes,” he smiled reassuringly at his friends.

Maru nodded, guiding Ohkura to the door as he mouthed to Yasu, ‘Be careful!’ Yasu cringed a little because Maru had already gone out of his way to help protect Yasu and now he was about to blow that again. But he <i>really</i> needed to talk to Subaru.

Subaru must have sensed that Yasu was trying to get him alone because before Yasu even had a chance to blink, Subaru had gathered his things and was leaving the classroom.

Yasu wanted to call out to him, but he knew that was dangerous, especially with Ohkura nearby and already suspicious. But honestly, it was harder for him to worry about getting caught when he was so preoccupied with Subaru. He waited until the classroom was clear before searching for Subaru. Deciding to check the bathroom first, Yasu opened the door and spotted Subaru almost immediately, standing at the sink.

“Subaru,” Yasu called out, his voice light and breathy and if he stopped to think about it he would probably have been a little embarrassed.

When Subaru looked up, his eyes went wide the moment he recognized Yasuda. “What are you doing here?” Subaru asked nervously.

“Looking for you.” The reply came easily as Yasu closed the door and moved to stand next to Subaru.

“Why?” Subaru asked. “Weren’t we going to stop doing this? Especially after what happened yesterday?”

Yasu frowned. “I just want to talk to you. If someone walks in we’ll pretend we were both just using the bathroom. Relax.” He couldn’t help but notice how nervous his boyfriend was, like Subaru didn’t want to be alone with him, and that made Yasu nervous.

“About what?” Subaru asked, looking away as he washed his hands.

Yasu took note of the way Subaru was blushing and wondered whether or not it was a happy blush or an ashamed one. Either way, Yasu thought as he stared at Subaru, it was extremely cute. “About last night,” Yasu answered finally.

Subaru dropped the bar of soap he’d been holding, his face turning even more red. “What about it?”

“What did you think of it?” Yasu asked, the words spilling out in nervousness. It was the moment of truth. Although he’d been entertaining the idea that Subaru didn’t like it for the last 3 hours and had given himself time to accept the fact, he knew that if that was the case he’d still be heartbroken.

Subaru was silent as he turned off the water and Yasu thought for a moment that Subaru wasn’t going to answer at all so he added, “I mean... was it good?”

Subaru snorted in response and Yasu felt his face redden. “Why would you ask that?” Subaru asked, still not making eye contact with Yasu.

Yasu’s blush just deepened in response. “I don’t know. I was just wondering if you liked it.”

“Why wouldn’t I like it?” Subaru asked, his voice somewhat incredulous. “Has there ever been someone in the history of the world that did that and didn’t like it?”

“I don’t know,” Yasu answered shyly, although he was secretly pleased with Subaru’s response. “It was my first time so I don’t know if it was good,” he explained before quickly adding, “But I want to do it again. If you want me to...”

Subaru looked at Yasu for a few moments, his expression still amazed by everything that Yasu was saying. Yasu also noted how uncomfortable he looked, as though he really didn’t know what to say. Finally, he settled with, “You’re so weird.”

Yasu blushed and giggled. “So that’s a yes?”

Subaru gave a stiff nod, still looking uneasy about the topic.

Yasu grinned, purposely ignoring Subaru’s hesitation in favor of the fact that he liked it and wanted to do it again. “When?” he asked, already excited by the prospect.

Subaru’s face turned the darkest shade of red Yasu had ever seen and the long haired boy mumbled, “I don’t know.”

“Now?” Yasu asked slyly, closing in on Subaru. He wondered where the boldness came from as he cornered Subaru, but he had been thinking all morning about the way Subaru had tasted and looked and sounded, so could he really be blamed for being this horny? Besides, the fact that Subaru liked it made Yasu want to do it even more.

“Now?” Subaru swallowed, backing up as Yasu came closer.

“Yeah,” Yasu nodded. “Don’t you want to?”

By now, Subaru was pressed against the wall of the bathroom, trapped as Yasu came dangerously close. “Not right now,” he croaked nervously. “We’re at school!”

“Everyone is at lunch,” Yasu reminded him. “No one is going to now. I can be fast, I think.”

“Ohkura will come looking for you,” Subaru retorted, his voice taking on a more desperate tone.

Yasu could see that Subaru wasn’t going to give in and he had promised Ohkura that he’d meet him in the lunchroom in a while. “Later then?” he asked, giving Subaru some more space.

Subaru looked relieved as Yasu backed away and he nodded quickly.

“After school then?” Yasu asked, looking for some kind of reassurance that it would happen again, and soon.

“I have to work,” Subaru shot back, almost too quickly for Subaru’s liking.

“Will you be alone at the shop?”

Subaru just stared at Yasu for a moment with a shocked expression. “We can’t do that at the shop!”

“Why not?” Yasu asked and when almost a minute passed with Subaru saying nothing, his frown grew. If Subaru didn’t hate it, then why was he being so resistant? Yasu just wanted Subaru to agree to do it. To <i>want</i> to do it. But getting Subaru to agree to a time and a place was proving impossible and Yasu wondered whether Subaru even really <i>wanted</i> to do it again. “You did it there with Rikiya, didn’t you?”

When Subaru froze, Yasu regretted what he’d said almost immediately. He hated the accusatory tone in his voice and he especially hated the jealousy that was twisting up inside of him. Of course, he’d been curious about how far Subaru had gone with Rikiya. He’d been curious for months. He knew at least that they’d kissed at the shop, and that was already more than he’d ever done with Yasu there.

But he’d never actually had the conversation with Subaru. And maybe, he thought, he was really afraid of knowing. He knew how Subaru felt about Rikiya, and though he said he was fine with all of Subaru’s issues that came along with that, it still <i>hurt</i>. Seeing that sad, pining look on Subaru’s face hurt, and so did the fact that he couldn’t get as close to Subaru as he wanted because there would always be a wall there. As the silence stretched on, Yasu wondered if he should say something because Subaru clearly had no intention of doing so.

Part of him wondered if he should apologize but the other part of him felt strongly that this <i>was</i> his business. Not only was he putting himself on the line, but wasn’t it his <i>right<i> to know Subaru’s sexual history now that they were becoming sexually active themselves?

“Are you going to answer?” Yasu asked as the silent stretched on. When Subaru still didn’t reply, Yasu felt himself growing annoyed. Subaru had been honest and open with Yasu up until this point but that was only because of the effort Yasu had made at getting him to open up. “Okay then,” Yasu replied, annoyed about the entire situation. He didn’t know what to say. “Fine. If you don’t want to talk then I’ll just leave you alone.”

Yasu felt sick as he stormed out of the bathroom and he didn’t know if it was because of the way he’d become so confrontational suddenly or if it was because Rikiya had been brought up. He’d been frustrated by Subaru’s lack of willingness to talk about it, even after everything they’d shared. Yasu knew that it was stupid to bring Rikiya up, but everything in his life seemed to come back to Subaru’s ex-boyfriend.

And now Yasu was left wondering if there would ever be a point in time where he was more important to Subaru than Rikiya. Yasu knew that what Subaru’s heart really wanted was Rikiya. And he also knew that he could never be Rikiya. For Yasu, it <i>hurt</i> that he couldn’t begin to compare to Rikiya. And now, Yasu could help but think that he’d never be good enough.

He was giving Subaru everything. Everything that he wanted and that Rikiya had refused to give him. He was patient and understanding of Subaru, he’d been willing to take it slowly for Subaru. And he didn’t think Subaru had been lying when he said he’d enjoyed what they’d done. So if Yasu was giving Subaru everything he needed emotionally and physically, why couldn’t it be enough? Why was it that Subaru could only think of Rikiya?

By the time Yasu stumbled into the cafeteria, he felt like crying. He knew Maru was watching him with a worried expression and he thought that his face must have been easy to read, so he avoided eye contact and tried to listen to Ohkura’s story as he chewed numbly at his lunch.

“Can I sit here?” a soft feminine voice asked, and Yasu cringed as he immediately recognized it as Ishihara Sara’s. He was about to tell her, politely of course, that he wasn’t in the mood, but when he looked up, he realized she was talking to Maruyama.

“If you want to,” Mary replied coolly and Yasu was a little shocked at the cold tone of his voice.

“I do,” she nodded, pulling out the chair next to Maru.

Maru didn’t reply as he turned his body away from Ishihara as he suddenly became engrossed in the boring story Ohkura was telling about his dinner the night before.

Yasu watched the scene, glad for the distraction from his thoughts about Subaru and the situation he’d found himself in.

“Maru-kun,” Ishihara called, trying to catch the bassist’s attention.

After a few minutes, he turned impatiently, only far enough so that he could look at her from the corner of his eye and answered, “Yeah?”

“What’s your favorite food?” She asked, leaning in to close the distance that Maruyama had created between them.

“Why?” he asked, and again Yasu was taken aback by the iciness to his voice.

“I want to make you a bento for tomorrow,” She answered, completely unfazed by Maru’s efforts to shun her.

Maru didn’t say anything and when Yasu looked around the table he noticed that both Ohkura and Daisuke were watching -- Ohkura with a look of confusion and Daisuke with a look of amusement.

“He likes kara’age,” Daisuke answered when it appeared that Maru had no plans to.

Maru shot Daisuke a look and the youngest member of the band just grinned and shrugged.

“Kara’age,” she nodded and then stood. “I have to go meet with the journalism club, but I’ll talk to you later.” Her farewell was aimed at Maru, but he wasn’t listening so Yasu, Daisuke and Ohkura all waved goodbye.

As soon as Ishihara was gone, Ohkura turned quickly to Maru. “Okay, what is going on?”

“What?” Maru asked innocently although his ears were turning pink in embarrassment.

“Wasn’t Ishihara-san just chasing after Yasu a few days ago?” the drummer asked, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead in confusion.

“People can change their minds!” Yasu interrupted, perhaps a little too defensively. Of course Ohkura would be confused. He had no idea what was happening with Maru and Subaru and Ishihara. To him, it must all look strange, and Yasu’s over-reaction was only making the situation more confusing.

“But why so suddenly?” Ohkura asked, suspicion leaking into his voice. “And why is Maru being so cold when he likes her?”

“I think that’s why she likes me,” Maru began, and Yasu sighed in relief. It seemed that Maru was always saving him from getting caught. “When I chased after her, she didn’t want me. But the minute I started ignoring her, she suddenly decides that she likes me.”

Ohkura seemed to consider this quietly for a few moments, but slowly the confusion left his face only to be left with an exasperated expression. “Girls are so weird!”

The rest of lunch passed quickly and before Yasu knew it, he was already back in the classroom to be greeted by Subaru’s empty seat. Maru seemed to notice this too and as they took their seats, he whispered to Yasu, “What happened with Subaru?”

Yasu just shook his head in response. It was neither the time nor the place to discuss Subaru’s latest reasons for skipping class. Not that it surprised Yasu anymore. Subaru had a way of disappearing anytime things became too awkward or intense between them. At first, this thought only made Yasu angrier with Subaru. When he sat down at his desk, he was intent on not giving it a second thought, but as time stretched on, he began to feel bad.

He knew how Subaru felt about Rikiya. He knew all about it when he began pursuing Subaru. And he knew when he’d gone down on Subaru the night before. So what had he been expecting exactly? That Subaru would give up all of his feelings for Rikiya that easily? He couldn’t blame Subaru for feeling the way that he felt. For wanting what his heart wants. And it certainly wasn’t fair of Yasu to get angry at him for it. All he’d succeeded in doing was making Subaru feel guilty for wanting what his heart wanted. It wasn’t <i>really</i> Subaru’s fault that Yasu was feeling hurt.

Maybe he was stupid for getting involved with someone like Subaru. Maybe this whole time he’d been setting himself up to be hurt. Subaru had <i>never once</i> promised Yasu anything. He’d never promised to forget Rikiya or to love Yasu more.

Any pain Yasu felt at that moment was not because of Subaru, but because of his own expectations.

On the walk home from school, Yasu went the long way, deciding to use the extra time to think more. He needed to apologize to Subaru, to let him know that despite whatever happened he wasn’t ready to abandon what they had. Maybe it would lead nowhere, maybe Subaru would never get over Rikiya... but Yasu was happy with Subaru. When it came down to it, Subaru was the most important person in the world to him and he didn’t want to lose that.

When he rounded the corner and the shop came into view, any calmness he was feeling about the situation disappeared as he spotted Ohkura heading into the shop. His heart sinking into the pit of his stomach, Yasu took off at a run towards the shop. Whatever Ohkura was doing there, couldn’t be good.

By the time he finally made it into the shop, he knew it was already to late to do anything, so he stood, frozen in place as he watched the scene in front of him.

“What is this?” Ohkura asked, his voice shaking. “I knew something suspicious was going on. You and Yasu always seem to be hiding something,” he spoke to Maru. “But I never would have imagined it was this.”

“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s wrong,” Daisuke spoke, trying to calm Ohkura down. Maru looked unable to speak and Subaru looked terrified.

“So what? You were just going to go behind my back and start something with Subaru?” Ohkura asked, his voice full of hate and anger.

“It’s not like they’ve been meeting me in secret,” Subaru finally spoke up. “This was the first time they’ve come here. I swear.”

“I wasn’t talking to you!” Ohkura spat at Subaru. “All you do is lie anyway!”

Subaru shut his mouth then, a hurt expression plastering itself to his face.

That was about as much as Yasu needed to hear though so he finally made his presence known, stepping towards Ohkura. “He’s not lying. Not about this and not about Rikiya. He’s never lied to you but you’ve always been too proud to listen,” Yasu spoke, defending his boyfriend. “If anyone here has been lying, it’s me. I’ve been seeing Subaru this whole time.”

Ohkura’s face switched from confusion, to shock, to disgust and Yasu felt horrible for lying to him but he’d never been ashamed of his relationship with Subaru. He wouldn’t change it or take it back or hide it, so in the end it was Ohkura’s own fault that Yasu ever felt he had to be dishonest.

“Seeing him?” Ohkura asked, finally finding his voice.

Yasu nodded, stepping towards Subaru and taking his hand. “We’re dating.”

Ohkura was shaking with anger and for the first time in his life, Yasu felt really scared of someone. “That’s it,” Ohkura spoke, his voice eerily calm. “Yasu. You’re out of the band.” With that, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the music shop.


End Chapter 16