January 8th, 2011


Revoling - Chapter 15

Chapter 15

As Yasuda watched Subaru run, he was torn between chasing after him and confronting the still sobbing Ishihara. Ishihara buried her face against her knees, mumbling once more, "I'm so sorry."

Yasu paused in his haste to follow after Subaru. He turned to Ishihara, and opened his mouth to speak. What she had done was cruel and wrong, and Yasuda knew that he should be furious with her for what she had done. He understood how she felt though. He knew all about the bitterness that welled up inside when you realize that the person you love is in love with someone else.

What Maru had said was true, though. Yasuda cared about Subaru enough that he would never dream of hurting him. There was a difference there. He genuinely wanted Subaru’s happiness and if he was happiest with Rikiya, then he would want them to be together.

She looked up at him, her cheeks tear-stained. "I'm so stupid."

Yasuda shook his head. He didn't know what to think of Ishihara. He thought that he could understand her feelings, but underneath it all she was selfish and what she had done was cruel. He’d trusted her with the secret once, but could she really be trusted after this?

“I’m so sorry, Yasuda-kun.”

He bit his lip, looking at the crying girl before him. He hated crying girls. How many times had he made his sister cry when they were rough housing only to have it end like this -- with Yasu trying desperately to make things right even when they weren’t necessarily his fault.

“I don’t know if I can trust you anymore,” Shota said. “You have a big secret that you know could hurt me and could hurt Subaru, so I guess there really isn’t anything I can do to stop you. But Maruyama is right. If you cared about me at all, you wouldn’t do this.”

“I know. I know that. I’m sorry.” Her sobbing picked up again and she took off her glasses to wipe at her eyes.

“I really like Subaru. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to return your feelings because of that. But what you were planning to do is just cruel.”

“I know,” She looked up and met his eyes. “Can you forgive me?”

Shota paused, looking down at her tear-stained face. “I can forgive you for what you were about to do, but I can’t forgive you if you keep acting this way.”

“I won’t tell anyone. I really mean it this time.” Both her face and her voice were genuine, and Yasu wanted to believe that she meant it.

Quickly, he acknowledge her promise, before hurrying from the rooftop to search for Subaru.


Yasu knew it wasn't a good sign that Subaru wasn't in class when he returned from lunch. There was an overwhelming sense of deja vu. Every time Subaru tried to end things, to push Yasu away, he disappeared. Maybe he thought that Yasu could forget him if he wasn't there.

There wasn't anywhere that Subaru could hide that would make Yasuda forget about him. Even after he left for Tokyo, Yasu would still think about him. Dream about him. Remember the way he felt, the way his lips tasted. He would never forget Subaru.

No matter how much it hurt to remember, he knew that it would hurt more to forget him. Subaru had already become a part of him. When Subaru finally left, he would be taking a part of Shota with him. There would be a hole left in his heart that would be impossible to refill.

It was so hard for him not to go after Subaru but he knew that if Ohkura came back from lunch and found them both missing, he would be suspicious. So Yasuda had to try to be patient until the end of the school day before he could go after Subaru.

When Maruyama wheeled around him, glaring a bit as Shota's leg thumped nervously against the back of his chair, Shota could do nothing but smile sheepishly and apologize. There was nothing he could do to calm his nerves.  He felt that the longer he waited to go after Subaru, the more of a gap would spread between them.

Subaru could be sitting at home, thinking about how being with Shota wasn't worth the pain or the trouble. Every second that passed, the chance of proving to Subaru that the relationship was worth the risk grew smaller.

When the end of the day finally came, and Murakami dismissed the class, Shota grabbed his bag and shot from the classroom. He could hear Ohkura yelling something about practice behind him, but Shota had far more important things to do than go to practice. Shouldering his backpack, Yasuda scurried from the school building. He would have to apologize later.

His first stop, as he jogged down the street, the concrete storm drains lids creaking under his feet, was the music shop. He ran nearly the entire way there, pushing the door open only long enough to scan the shop for any sign of Subaru.

Ryo looked up from his spot at the counter where he was sorting through a bucket of guitar picks. "If you're looking for Subaru, he's not here. But if you find the jerk, tell him I really could use some help today! It's inventory week!"

Shota wasn't listening to Ryo as he closed the door. All he needed to hear was that Subaru wasn't there.  Turning away from the shop, he resumed his jog towards Subaru's house.

He paused outside of the house, straightening his hair and jacket before opening the gate and jogging up the three steps to the door of the Shibutani household. He pressed the doorbell, trying to squeeze out of sight of the peephole should Subaru see him and choose not to open the door.

After a few moments, the door swung open to reveal Subaru's mom. "Shota-kun! You came to see Subaru?" She held the door open, sidling off to the  right to allow Shota room to squeeze through the doorway.

Yasu nodded, removing his shoes as Subaru's mother closed the door. "Is he home?"

Taeko nodded her head, leading Shota towards the staircase. "He's up in his room sleeping. He came home at lunchtime because he wasn't feeling well."

Shota bit his lip and nodded his head. So Subaru was faking sick to avoid him again.

"Did something happen, Shota?" His mother asked, concern leaking into her voice.

Yasu paused, wondering how much of their relationship it was okay to divulge. Clearly, she knew that Subaru and Rikiya had been more friends. And she had sensed that there was something between him and her son long before even Shota realized it. Yasuda just sighed in response.

"It's Rikiya, right?" She asked, leaning against the wall.

Shota looked up, noticing for the first time how much she looked like her son. They both had the same wide expressive eyes, the same long silky black hairstyle, and even as she stood leaning against the wall, Yasuda couldn't help but notice that their postures was strikingly similar. He acknowledged her question with a sigh.

Reaching forward, she patted Yasuda's head. "I'm rooting for you, Shota!"

Yasu tried to take Taeko’s encouragement, but there was a feeling that had wrapped itself around him, entwining itself within his soul, that it was too late. He wondered how many times Subaru would be scared out of opening himself up before he just gave up all together.

He couldn't voice those fears to Taeko though, not when she was smiling at him that way. He wasn't one to give up though, so he would at least try to convince Subaru that it was still worth another try. Returning the older woman's smile, Shota walked towards the stairs leading to the second floor. "I'll try my best."

As he slowly climbed the stairs to Subaru's room, he found himself wondering what exactly he was going to say to Subaru. The one thing that Subaru had been most afraid of had happened. Subaru had placed his trust in him, decided to open himself up a little more and Shota knew he had taken advantage of that situation. He'd been careless and had gotten too comfortable and now Shota couldn’t help but feel like he had betrayed Subaru’s trust.

Finding himself on the landing at the top of the stairs, Shota hesitated once again in going any further. He knew that Subaru didn’t want to see him. He knew though that if he didn’t talk to Subaru, he was risking losing him. With a deep breath, he marched forward towards Subaru’s bedroom and cautiously opened the door.

Poking his head inside, the first thing he noticed was how dark the room was. For a moment, he thought that maybe Subaru wasn’t home but then his muffled voice floated out from underneath the pile of blankets on his bed. “I’m trying to sleep.”

Shota froze at the sound of Subaru’s voice, contemplating turning around and leaving. Taking a deep breath though, he opened the door fully and entered the room. When he finally worked up the courage to speak, all that came out was a tiny, “Subaru?”

It was enough for Subaru to shoot straight up, the blankets falling from his body to reveal a confused expression. “What are you doing here?”

As Shota had already imagined, Subaru’s voice sounded cold and distant. Struggling to find words, Shota shifted uncomfortably. “I was worried about you.”

Subaru watched him silently, and after a few minutes, Shota felt uncomfortable. He wondered whether Subaru was going to say anything until finally, after an unbearable silence, he finally spoke. “I’m not feeling well. Can we talk later?”

Shota paused for a second, considering Subaru’s request. He knew that Subaru was trying to avoid him, so he pressed on, “I think we should talk now.” Shota reached over, flicking on the light switch and flooding the room in light.

Shota saw the look of reluctance cross Subaru’s face and began wondering, before the conversation started, whether the relationship was a lost cause. “I’m sorry about what happened today,” Shota offered.

Subaru shook his head, but said nothing. From the look on his face, he appeared to be deep in thought, and Shota worried about what was going on in his head.

“Ishihara promised not to tell anyone,” Shota continued, hoping that that piece of information would help calm Subaru and reassure him that there were no problems.

“That’s good,” Subaru paused, “But I think that maybe we should cool it for now.”

Shota’s heart dropped. He realized that Subaru wasn’t saying it was over. But in Yasu’s head, he might as well have. He’d already grown used to Subaru’s pattern of pushing him away and he knew that ‘cooling it for now’ was as good as breaking up for good. “Why?”

Subaru looked up at him, their eyes meeting for the first time. From the look in Subaru’s eyes, Shota knew that his boyfriend felt the answer to that question was obvious. He continued anyway, “Because we’re going to get caught.”

“I don’t really mind,” Shota blurted. Up until that point, he hadn’t really considered officially coming out. Of course, he worried about what his parents and classmates would think, but Subaru made him happy. He liked Subaru, and he wasn’t ashamed of their relationship. But he knew that Subaru didn’t feel the same way. And the look on his face confirmed it.

“I do mind. I’ve told you that already.” Subaru sighed. “Can you just leave me alone to think for a while?”

Yasu bit his lip, his body swaying towards the door. But his mind was already made up. He didn’t want to lose Subaru. “I promise I won’t come near you at school.”

Subaru shook his head. “Its not good enough. We’re going to get caught no matter where are. Maru-chan found out about us at the shop.”

“But,” Shota began, a desperate tone to his voice, “that worked out, didn’t it? Maru is being supportive! And now you guys are okay, right?”

“This time it worked out okay. But what happens next time if it’s Ohkura?”

The desperation that Shota was feeling only increased as he crossed the room towards Subaru. He didn't really care if Ohkura found out, because the thought of losing Subaru had become far scarier than being kicked out of Revolver and shunned by his friends and classmates. Plopping down on the bed, he reached for Subaru's hands, but the long haired boy pulled them back immediately.

Don't.” Subaru muttered. “You always make this so much harder than it needs to be.”

Shota bit his lips, trying to keep any tears from welling up in his eyes. He fought to find words, something to say that would convince Subaru not to give up. But he was beginning to see that he was fighting a losing battle. “You're the one that's making it hard. You like me and I like you.”

Subaru shook his head again. “Its not that easy, because there are other people we have to think about.”

Shota looked away, unable to hold back the tears. He didn't understand Subaru's logic at all. There were no other people. As far as Shota was concerned, there was only Subaru. And as long as he had Subaru, he knew he'd be happy. He didn't care if Ohkura and the whole school knew, but he didn't seem to be able to convince Subaru.

Subaru sighed. “Don't cry... Okay? I'm not saying we can't be friends. I think that if we keep going the way we're going, it's going to end badly. Maybe after graduation, if we still feel the same way...”

Subaru’s words didn’t give Shota any relief. He knew that there was no hope after graduation. Subaru would leave to go to Tokyo. To be with Rikiya. Shota had been clinging to the hope that he could change Subaru’s mind. That if they spent enough time together, he could make Subaru forget about Rikiya. Shota had been wanted to fill the hole that Rikiya had left in Subaru’s heart, but now it seemed the chance was slipping away from him.

They’d never discussed the fact that Subaru was saving to go to Tokyo. Doing so would be too painful for Shota, and he was thankful to Subaru for realizing it. The fact that they’d never discussed it didn’t take away the reality for Shota, though. Staring at the floor, Shota contemplated bringing it up for the first time but when he opened his mouth, no words came out.

“What are you thinking about?” Subaru asked, and when Shota looked over, he realized that Subaru had been watching him.

“Nothing,” Shota lied. As he’d thought, talking about Rikiya and Subaru’s inevitable plan to be with him was too painful. As he stared down at his hands, he began to wonder when he’d become such a coward. He knew that if he felt a certain way, he should just say it. But as long as Subaru’s plan went unconfirmed, he could fool himself into thinking that it wouldn’t happen.

“Tell me,” Subaru urged.

Shota wasn’t ready to face the truth. If he told Subaru that he was thinking about Rikiya, he risked Subaru confirming that it was all true. A part of him was grateful to Subaru for not bringing it up, for having the decency to lie even when they knew that there was no chance of them being together after graduation. But there was an even bigger part of him that hated being lied to. He wanted Subaru to be honest with him, even if it hurt. Finding the courage, he opened his mouth and turned to Subaru. “Aren’t you going to be with Rikiya after graduation?”

Subaru looked shocked for a moment, but the expression quickly left his face. Though his disposition seemed cool, his voice betrayed him as his reply came out shakily, “I don’t know.”

That hadn’t been the answer that Shota had been expecting. As he had waited for Subaru’s reply, he’d fisted his hands into the sheets of Subaru’s bed, bracing himself for the painful truth. He’d been expecting a yes, or for Subaru to lie to him. But the answer he’d received was so ambiguous. In the moments that followed, Shota began searching his brain for the meaning behind such an answer. Did this mean that Subaru was having his doubts about being with Rikiya? That there was a chance that he could be with Subaru after graduation?

He’d already brought up the topic of Rikiya, and Shota knew he might never get another chance to ask. “Do you still want to be with him?”

Subaru hadn’t been expecting such a direct question, because when he turned to look at Shota, his face was etched in shock. He didn’t seem to know how to answer the question, but after a few moments he gave another, “I don’t know.”

“What does that mean?” Yasu blurted out. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but he was generally confused by Subaru’s answer. The idea of Subaru longing for Rikiya had long lodged itself in his brain and entwined itself in his heart, but now he no longer felt sure. He didn’t want to get his hopes up and believe that Subaru’s feelings for Rikiya were fading. But he needed to know.

“It means that I don’t know.” Subaru answered honestly. “I thought I wanted to be with Rikiya, but I don’t know anymore.”

Shota’s heart was beating rapidly, and he could already feel hope welling up in his chest. “Do you want to be with me then?”

Subaru looked away again, “I really like you.”

Shota perked up then, smiling and taking Subaru’s hand. There was still a chance.

“But,” Subaru pulled his hand away. “I meant what I said earlier. I think we should stop rushing so much. It’s not just about not getting caught. I still like Rikiya too and I don’t want to hurt you.”

Shota reached for Subaru’s hand again. “It’s not just your decision to make. I know you still like Rikiya. I’ve known that from the beginning.”

A mixture of confusion and frustration plastered itself to Subaru’s face. “Then why do you want to be with me?”

“Because I like you.” Shota smiled. “I don’t care if you still have feelings for Rikiya because as long as you also have feelings for me I know that there’s a chance.” From the look on Subaru’s face, Shota felt that maybe he was finally getting through to him. Leaning towards the long haired boy, Shota pressed his lips softly against Subaru's.

For a moment, Subaru seemed to melt into him, and then remembering his resolve, he tried pushing Shota away. But Shota only leaned further into him, weaving his fingers into Subaru's hair and bringing their bodies as close as possible.

Shota thought that this is what true happiness was. He could feel how fast Subaru's heart was beating against his own chest, the way Subaru had melted into the kiss as his hands reached out to rest on Shota's hips. Shota could feel his own heart was beating rapidly as he tried to memorize the warmth of Subaru's lips and the way they tasted. And the thing that was possibly making his heart race the most was the fact that Subaru liked him so much that he was already beginning to replace Rikiya.

The moment Shota let his guard down, let the happiness fully consume him, Subaru was pushing away. “Wait,” he began, “Are you listening to me, Yasu?”

Shota knew Subaru was still trying desperately to push him away, but now he was determined to keep it from happening. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to Subaru’s neck, latching onto his pulse and sucking.

“Yasu,” Subaru began, his voice breathier than before as he gripped Yasu’s shoulders and tried to push him away. “Stop for a minute,” he panted and Shota could feel Subaru shudder as his tongue continued to flutter over his skin.

Shota heard Subaru’s request but chose to ignore it as his hand found it’s way under Subaru’s shirt. Though he’d never touched another person, Shota was surprised to find that he didn’t feel at all nervous. He was still unsure of what to do with himself, but whether it was from the fear of losing Subaru to Rikiya or simply from the desire to feel more of Subaru’s warm skin under his fingertips, Shota continued trailing his fingers over Subaru’s ribcage.

Any protests that Subaru was trying to make seemed to fade away into a moan as Shota’s fingers found his nipple. A breathy, “Shota,” fell from Subaru’s lips as he tilted his head, giving Yasu better access to his neck.

For the past few months that Shota had known Subaru, he’d managed to fill a space in his heart that had previously only been meant for Rikiya. Shota wasn’t stupid though. He knew that Subaru still had feelings for Rikiya. It occurred to him that maybe it was foolish to be doing this when he wasn’t the only person that Subaru wanted.

He thought, though, that if he continued to give himself to Subaru this way, he could fill whatever remaining space was left for Rikiya. The way that Subaru was melting into his touch, mingled with the sweet noises he was making, made Shota positive that he could make Subaru forget all about Rikiya.

Brushing his thumb over Subaru’s nipple one final time, he let his hand slide down the other boy’s chest. Subaru immediately sat up straight as Shota’s fingers found their way to the waistband of Subaru’s sweatpants.

“Stop,” Subaru panted, pushing Shota back. He sat shocked for a minute as he stuggled to catch his breath. Finally chancing to look at Shota, he opened his mouth to speak, “What are you doing?”

Shota could feel his cheeks heating up and he realized that perhaps he had been rushing things. Unlike Subaru, however, Shota was more than willing to act on any desires he was feeling. He couldn’t find a reason to deny his desire for Subaru when they were both attracted to one another. “I want to touch you.”

Subaru sat frozen in place for a moment and Shota knew that he was struggling to find something to say to that comment. Not that Shota had any experience being intimate with someone, but he was positive that Subaru had been enjoying it as much as he had.

“Don’t you want me to?” Shota asked, though he already knew the real answer.

Subaru heaved a long sigh before attempting to answer Shota’s question. “It’s not that I don’t want you to. But I already told you that I still have feelings for Rikiya.”

“So?” Shota scooted closer to Subaru again, praying that he wouldn’t notice and push him away again.

“So I don’t want to do this with you until I’m sure about my feelings. I don’t want to end up hurting you,” Subaru explained, avoiding eye contact with Shota.

Yasu considered Subaru’s words. He was grateful to Subaru for being so considerate of his feelings, but he didn’t think that Subaru understood how he felt. For Shota, he was already so emotionally attached to Subaru that it would hurt if he went back to Rikiya -- regardless of whether or not they became physically intimate with one another. In his mind, the only thing that taking the relationship to an intimate level would do is bring them closer together. And push Rikiya further away.

“I don’t mind, Subaru.” Shota moved closer to Subaru again, placing his hand on Subaru’s knee. “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to. I already told you a million times that I know how you feel about Rikiya.” Sliding his hand up Subaru’s legs, dipping inward to tickle at his thighs, Shota continued, “If you like me, then you should take a chance.” He didn’t want to tell Subaru to forget about Rikiya, even if that’s what his mind was screaming for him to say.

His face was close enough to Subaru’s that he could feel the other boy’s breath on his lips. Their eyes locked for a moment and Shota had to hold in a gasp at the intensity of emotion in Subaru’s eyes. Subaru didn’t say anything, but Shota didn’t think that he had to. The reluctance and hesitation were still there, but there was an unmistakable amount of desire there too.

Shota’s stomach did a large flip, excitement coursing through his entire body. Excitement at what was about to happen, that Subaru seemed to want it as much as he did. It didn’t occur to Shota that Taeko was just downstairs, or even that perhaps Subaru was having second thoughts. He sealed his lips against Subaru’s, his hand once again finding the waistband of the sweatpants.

Shota pushed Subaru back, and the long-haired boy wordlessly complied as he lay back against the mattress. Yasu suddenly felt the nervousness that he had been expecting much earlier come on full force and froze for a few seconds, wondering what he was going to do. Of course, touching that particular body part wasn’t a mystery to Shota, but he worried that what felt good to him might not feel good to Subaru. Worst of all, it suddenly occurred to him that it was likely Subaru had done this with Rikiya many times before.

The butterflies of nervousness that had been fluttering in his belly suddenly turned to stones that sank deep into the pit of his stomach. Millions of thoughts filled his head at that moment. What if Rikiya was better? What if it made Subaru decide he was better matched with his ex?

Subaru seemed to have noticed the Shota’s nervousness and he propped himself up on his elbows to look at him. “Are you okay?”

Shota bit back the urge to ask those questions that were burning themselves into his brain. He didn’t need to know what Subaru had done with Rikiya and he especially didn’t need to think about whether or not Subaru would be comparing the two. For now he needed to focus on the fact that he cared about Subaru and wanted him more than anyone else. He’d been given the opportunity to prove that to Subaru now. And though he’d never say it out loud in fear of hurting Subaru, he was confident that he loved Subaru more than Rikiya did.

“I’m fine,” Shota smiled. To prove his point, he dipped his fingers into the waistband again. As he traced them over his lower abdomen, Shota felt Subaru's muscles tighten under his fingers. His first instinct was to pull his hand away, but when he glanced up at Subaru's face, the lust in his eyes had intensified. The butterflies returned, full force, and Shota lost his breath for a moment as his eyes locked with the long haired boy's.

Gripping the elastic waistband in his hands, Shota felt torn between nervousness and excitement. “Can I...?” He questioned softly.

Subaru nodded and raised his hips off the bed, allowing Yasu to tug off the sweatpants. After removing them, Shota sat back on his knees for a moment to look at Subaru. To Shota, it was a strange feeling to look upon another male's body and feel such a strong sexual desire. Perhaps the strange feeling was due to the fact that he had spent most of his life believing that he was attracted to girls. As far back as he could remember, he had never felt so aroused or thought that there was a more beautiful person. This was Subaru's body and he wanted every bit of him.

Breaking out of his trance, he looked up to see Subaru watching him through heavy lidded eyes and Shota’s heart started beating faster. He leaned forward, his hands sliding up Subaru's thighs as he licked his lips. Far too nervous to actually say anything, he decided to let his actions speak for themselves. He averted his eyes from Subaru's then, the intense gaze almost too much for him.

Nervousness gripped him as his hand approached Subaru's hardening length but swallowing the last of his reluctance, he slid his index finger lightly up the shaft. Subaru shivered against the mattress, a small moan escaping his lips as he pushed himself towards Shota's hand. Shota, pleased with Subaru's response, smiled before wrapping his hand around Subaru. The moan that fell from his lips this time was much louder, and for the first time since he’d entered Subaru’s bedroom, Shota remembered that Taeko was just downstairs.

Subaru didn't seem concerned though as let out something between a whimper and a moan as he pushed himself into Shota's fist. Deciding not to worry about getting caught, Shota gripped Subaru firmly in his hand, pumping his fist over Subaru's hard cock.

This had been the last thing Shota thought would happen when he arrived at Subaru's house. But now Subaru was laid out before him, his face screwed up in pleasure as his panting filled the room. Shota took the moment to admire how beautiful every inch of Subaru was. Not just his body, but every little pant and moan falling past his parted lips. Or the way his body was responding, his hips moving in sync with Shota's hand. The simple fact that Subaru wanted this, that he was giving this part of himself to Shota. All of it was perfect and Shota wanted to remember it forever.

He also wanted to give Subaru more. More happiness, more love, more pleasure. Leaning forward further over his lover's body, Shota placed a wet kiss against the head of Subaru's cock. It was a foreign feeling for Shota as he found a moan escaping his own throat as he pulled away, licking at the sticky precum clinging to his lips. If Yasu was looking at this situation from the outside, he would have found it strange and unbelievable and even a little laughable. He was human and male, so of course he'd thought about having someone's mouth wrapped around one of his most intimate body parts before. But never had he expected to be doing it for someone -- especially so eagerly and so aroused.

When he ventured another look up at Subaru, he could see so many different emotions. Amazement, shock, desire, but as they looked at one another, Shota was beginning to see doubt and reluctance fill his face. Before Subaru could stop him or push him away, Shota leaned forward again, taking the head of Subaru's cock into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it. That action seemed to silence any doubts that Subaru was having as he reached down to fist his hands in Shota's hair.

As Shota pushed Subaru's cock past his wet lips, Subaru raised his hips off of the bed, trying to bury himself deeper in Shota's warm mouth. “Shota,” he panted, his fingers tangling themselves deeper into Shota's hair.

Every moan and pant Subaru had made up until that point had been music to Yasu's ears, but it was something else all together to hear Subaru moan his name in such a wanton voice. If Shota had been aroused before, this was something that went beyond mere arousal and he wasn’t sure if there was even a word for it. His need for Subaru, to hear that voice again, to be the one who brought Subaru to such an intimate place, was almost too overwhelming.

As his head bobbed over Subaru's swollen dick, he could feel Subaru's grip in his hair tighten and the muscles in his thighs clench. Gripping the base of Subaru's shaft, he pumped his fist rapidly over Subaru's cock as his tongue swirled over the sticky head. Then, Subaru tightened the grip he had on Yasu's head, arching off the bed as he spilled himself into Shota's mouth.

Falling back onto the mattress, Subaru's heavy breathing filled the room as Yasu slid Subaru out of his mouth, slowly swallowing the cum. Subaru was still watching Shota intently as he sat up and crawled up the bed to lay by his side. There was an awkward tension that had filled the room, and as Subaru sat up to reach for his discarded sweatpants, Shota told himself that it was probably normal to feel strange after the first time.

As he watched Subaru hastily pull the sweatpants on, he thought about how much what had just happened meant to him. The idea that Subaru had so willingly given himself to Shota in that way was perfect and he hoped that Subaru could understand how thankful he was for the opportunity to bring them closer, to fill the gap that Rikiya had left.

The thought never occurred to him, however, that Subaru might not feel the same. That to Subaru, it hadn't made him forget about Rikiya. That it had only made him feel as though he had betrayed Rikiya because at that moment, Shota was too wrapped up in his own happiness to see how miserable Subaru was.