December 20th, 2009

IconRevolving

Our Story - Chapter 16

Chapter 16

 

By the time I made it back to my apartment, I was nearly hyperventilating, my head dizzy and my breathing heavy. I wondered if Tadayoshi had made it home too, and how things were going with his father.

 

After meeting Ohkura Hideo personally, I was familiar with what type of human being he was. The chances of him letting Tadayoshi come back to me were slim. To him, Tadayoshi was not someone who deserved to be loved and treasured, but a toy to assert control over. I did not like Tadayoshi's father, and he had made it perfectly clear that he didn't care for me much either. Even if he realized how happy I made his son, he wouldn't care.

 

I kept the lights off as I entered my apartment, preferring to sit alone in the dark. I had no appetite and though I was mentally exhausted, there was no way I would be able to sleep until I knew that Tadayoshi was safe.

 

By the next day, the situation between Tadayoshi and me would be clear. He would either, by some act of God, be back here with me or I would not see him again.

 

If it was the latter, I hoped that he would be able to remember our promise. He was still well over a year away from being able to legally leave home and although I knew that I could wait that long, I wondered if he would be able to.

 

A year was a long time to be apart from someone you loved, and I worried that he would forget about me or the time we spent together. The more I thought about the situation, the more I came to the realization that it was probably over between the two of us.

 

I tried my hardest to stay to positive until I knew for sure what would happen the next day. It was hard to stay positive though, when I felt so lonely and the only company I had were my dark thoughts.

 

------

 

I woke up at around five in the morning, and I couldn't remember when I had fallen asleep. I must have drifted off sometime in the middle of the night. I sat up, noticing that I had left the television on all night. My thought drifted away from this however, and I wondered where Tadayoshi was at that moment. I wondered if he was sleeping soundly, if he would be back with me in a few hours.

 

My thoughts drifted back to him and our current situation, and again, I found myself on the edge of a panic attack. I took a few deep breaths and chanced a look at the clock. An hour had quickly passed since I had woken up, and I knew that I would have to get ready for work soon.

 

I sat up, grimacing at the pain that shot through my body. Rubbing at my lower back I pulled myself off of the sofa. Immediately, my thoughts drifted back to Tadayoshi and the state he was currently in. The desperateness I felt at not knowing how he was seemed to only be increasing and I wondered how I would possibly get through the entire day.

 

I was simultaneously dreading and looking forward to that night. I dreaded it because I knew that Tadayoshi would not return and that I would be alone. On the other hand, I looked forward to it because I was sick of feeling the faint flashes of hope when I knew that it was not going to end well for us. More than anything, I wanted to get the inevitable heartbreak over with.

 

I don't know how I managed it, but I was able to shower and get dressed in record time. My thoughts were, of course, on Tadayoshi from the moment I woke up, to when I got dressed, when I walked out the door, when I stepped onto the train, until I made it to the clinic.

 

“Good morning.” Yokoyama greeted cheerfully from his usual spot near the coffee pot.

 

I nodded in reply, barely paying attention to my surroundings as I headed towards my office. I did not, however, miss the raised voices I heard coming from Murakami's office.

 

Hesitantly, I moved closer to the door, desperate for anything that would take my mind off of Tadayoshi and the coming night.

 

“Are you sure about this?” I heard Murakami's voice fill with emotion, cracking as the words left his mouth.

 

“Yes.” I heard Maruyama answer calmly.

 

“Okay, then.” The emotion that had previously saturated his voice was gone, and what was left was an odd monotone, completely devoid of any emotion.

 

I heard footsteps come closer to the door and quickly turned, pretending I had heard nothing. The door opened and closed quickly, and I chanced a look over my shoulder.

 

Maruyama was standing with his back to the wall, a hand covering his face as his shoulders shook. He was crying.

 

I stepped a bit closer to him and, not wanting to sound pushy, tentatively asked, “Maru, are you okay?”

 

He drew in a shaky breath and when he dropped his hand from his face, I could see that his eyes were red and watery. He nodded.

 

I stood in front of him then, looking into his face. “Are you sure?”

 

He sobbed out loud then and wrapped his arms around me, wailing in my ear, not loud enough for Shingo to hear, but loud enough to make my ears ring.

 

“What happened?” I asked, patting his back.

 

“I just gave my two weeks notice,” he mumbled miserably into my shoulder.

 

I stood there for a moment, letting the information sink in. Finally, I found my tongue. “You're leaving?”

 

I felt him nod against my shoulder. “I can't stay here. It's too hard being around Shin-chan everyday.”

 

I hugged him tighter, wondering to myself why people weren't allowed to be happy. Yoko and Subaru, Shingo and Maru, even Nishikido and Uchi could not be together. And my thoughts drifted back to Tadayoshi as I wondered what the point of falling in love was if it always seemed to end in miserable heartbreak.

 

“And Shingo was fine with it?” I asked, remembering the way our boss' voice had sounded earlier.

 

Maru looked up at me and a dark look crossed his face, making me wonder if the question was out of line. “It doesn't matter. He's my employer. I am sure if there is any reason he wants me to stay, its because he doesn't want to lose an employee.”

 

I shook my head. “That's not true. You know he cares about you.”

 

“I have to get back to work now,” Maruyama changed the subject, standing up straight and running his hands nervously over his wrinkled scrubs.

 

“Maru,” I began.

 

He cut me off, “I know you're trying to help and I appreciate it, but I don't want to hear it. It'll never work out between us and I need to move on. I can't do that if I'm around him all the time. So as a friend, please support my decision.”

 

I nodded, feeling scolded. I said nothing more as Maruyama turned around and left me standing alone in the hallway, a disgusting feeling of despair washing over me.

 

I had wanted a distraction from my Tadayoshi-centric thoughts, and although my meeting with Maruyama had served that purpose, I was left feeling more helpless than before. A pain had filled my chest and I wondered if this was the beginning of heartbreak.

 

I didn't want to be alone in my office, knowing exactly where my thoughts would lead. I set my briefcase in my office and didn't even bother turning the lights on before leaving again. I needed something to distract me and anything would do.

 

I was half-tempted to go to Murakami and make him talk Maru into staying. But, Maruyama had supported my relationship with Tadayoshi all this time and I owed him. Even if I could not agree with his feelings or even support them, I would respect his wishes and not interfere in his relationship anymore.

 

I found myself in the reception area, where Maruyama was making a fresh pot of coffee while Yokoyama chattered on about something. I joined them, smiling brightly at Maruyama when our eyes met. A look of gratitude crossed his face briefly before he handed me a cup of coffee.

“Good morning,” I returned Yokoyama's earlier greeting.

 

“Yasuda!” He clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Feeling better? How was your weekend?”

 

I nodded, “My weekend was nice.”

 

Our conversation was interrupted as the doors to the clinic burst open and the man I recognized as Ryo's father charged in. I stood up, straightening myself, “I told you that you aren't welcomed in here.”

 

“I have a court order,” he held a document in front of my face.

 

“Go get Murakami,” I said and Maru nodded, quickly leaving.

 

“Let me see my son,” He gritted out, and his fists balled up.

 

Suddenly, I felt a little worried for my safety and was thankful as Yokoyama stepped forward, unsnapping his holster and pulling out his gun. “Calm down, sir.”

 

“I have permission from the court to see him, so go get him,” he growled at me.

 

I looked to Yoko for help and he leaned forward, whispering in my ear. “This guy is a yakuza boss. Go get Ryo.”

 

I nodded and hurried off to get Nishikido. I couldn't agree with doing this, though I knew I had no choice. Ryo had accused his father of shooting him and his father had basically admitted it. He was a dangerous man and I did not want him around my patient. Yoko must have been right about him being a high up member of the yakuza. He clearly had the power to convince a judge to let him see his son.

 

I threw open Ryo's door without knocking. “Ryo,” I was out of breath when he looked up at me from his spot on the bed.

 

“What do you want?” He shot me an annoyed look and I knew that he was in a bad mood that day.

 

“Your dad is here?”

 

He paled considerably before standing up and throwing the manga he had been reading in my direction. I dodged it. “I don't want to see him.”

 

“You don't have a choice,” I answered, feeling a little frightened as he balled up his fists the same way his father had.

 

“You're my therapist. You know what an asshole he is so do your fucking job and make him leave.”

 

“He has an order from the court to see you. There is nothing I can do.”

 

“I ain't going.” He answered, sitting back down on his bed and crossing his arms angrily over his chest.

 

Murakami and Maruyama joined me then. “What's going on?” The older of the two asked, clearly out of breath.

 

“Ryo's dad is here.” I pointed to our patient, “And Ryo won't go see him. His dad has a court order.”

 

“What is the problem? Why won't he see his father?” Murakami usually stayed out of the mental health treatment of our patients, focusing mainly on running the clinic and making sure they were physically well.

 

“His father is the one that shot him,” I answered.

 

Murakami made a choking sound and looked over at Ryo who returned the doctor's awestricken gaze with one of defiance. “Well...” Murakami began, clearly not sure what to say.

 

“I'm not going,” Ryo reiterated.

 

“Ryo,” I pleaded. “If you don't go see him now I am afraid that he will go back to the judge and get an order to take you out of here.”

 

Ryo stared down at the floor, clenching his jaw, in thought.

 

“We both know he can pay off any judge until he gets what he wants,” I continued. “So lets just go see what he wants. We won't leave you alone with him.”

 

Ryo stood up, knowing that he had no choice. We both understood that a man who would shoot his own son would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. He walked slowly to the door, following us from the room.

 

Out in the hallway, Subaru joined us. He seemed to have a knack for knowing when something exciting was happening. “What's going on?” he asked as he followed us to the front area of the clinic.

 

I shook my head in reply, too concerned with the current situation to answer him. He seemed to understand the gravity of the situation, but it did not stop him from continuing to follow us.

 

In the lobby, Yokoyama was trying to calm down Nishikido, with very little success. I felt Subaru stiffen next to me and when I looked over at him, his eyes were focused on Yoko's hand, which was hovering over his holster.

 

I rushed forward, pulling Ryo along with me and when his father saw him he calmed down considerably. Ryo clenched his jaw in silence and turned his nose up at his father defiantly.

 

“Ryo,” he smiled a strange, wicked smile and I felt a chill go down my spine.

 

“What do you want?” Ryo ground out.

 

His father grabbed his arm roughly. “I want you to come back to Tokyo with me.”

 

Ryo winced in pain and his father let go of his arm before Yoko had a chance to say or do something to stop him. “You always were so weak,” he laughed.

 

The door opened again and everyone turned, focused on the out of breath young man standing in the doorway. Uchi Hiroki stomped forward, grabbing Nishikido's father and pushing him away. “I told you not to come here again.”

 

“Get out of my way,” He pushed Uchi aside and stepped towards his son.

 

“Don't forget who you work for,” Uchi ground out, his voice sounding dangerous.

 

Ryo's father turned around, facing Uchi once more. “I haven't. I work for your old man, not you.” He turned his attention back to Ryo, grabbing the young man by the collar of his shirt.

 

Before Yokoyama had a chance to pull his gun from the holster, Uchi was already standing next to Ryo's father, a pistol pressed against the old man's temple. “Let go of him,” He ground out, his finger curling tightly around the trigger.

 

A silence fell over the room as everyone watched, with bated breath, at the scene transpiring in front of them. Yokoyama pulled his gun from his holster, pointing it at Uchi. “Drop the gun.”

 

Uchi's finger wound tighter around the trigger and he said in an even, calm voice, “I said let go of Ryo.”

 

The older man clenched his jaw, easing his hold on Ryo, but still not letting go. Ryo's eyes were clenched tightly shut, a small voice escaping his lips as he whispered, “Hiro, please don't. Just drop the gun. I hate this. I hate you like this.”

 

Uchi turned his attention from Ryo's father to Ryo. He lowered the gun, “I'm done with this.” His voice sounded serene. “I'm done with this lifestyle, and I am done with you,” he said to the older of the two Nishikido men.

 

Ryo's father laughed, “You want to be weak like Ryo now?”

 

Uchi set the gun on the floor and kicked it towards Yokoyama, who bent over quickly picking it up. “Ryo isn't weak. You're the weak one and I am too. But that's over now. I don't want you in my life anymore.”

 

“That's not your choice to make,” Ryo's father said in reply, letting go of his son and stepping closer to Uchi.

 

“It is my choice. This is my life, and I don't want you to be a part of it anymore. I don't care what my old man says, I don't need protection from the Yakuza.”

 

“Fine. I'll just take Ryo and leave.” He turned back to Ryo.

 

“Ryo isn't going anywhere,” Uchi said, his voice filling the room.

 

“I am not working for you anymore. You can't order me around.”

 

Uchi stepped forward, “You don't work for me, but don't forget that my dad is the one who funds your little organization,” he spat out. “You'll leave Ryo alone if you want to keep it that way.”

 

Ryo's father turned back to his son and said one final, “This isn't over,” before storming out of the clinic.

 

Silence filled the room once more before, “You idiot!” Ryo shouted at Uchi.

 

For a moment Uchi stood in shock, and then a slow smile spread across his face and he said sheepishly, “What?”

 

Tears sprang from Ryo's eyes and he wiped at them furiously, not wanting anyone to see his weak moment. “What were you thinking bringing a gun here?”

 

Uchi looked ashamed then. “I wasn't thinking. I just blew it when I figured out where your dad was. I'm sorry Ryo. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm sorry. I know it won't mean anything to you, but I meant it when I said I am done with that kind of lifestyle.”

 

Ryo didn't say anything, still wiping at his face. I was suddenly aware that the room was much too crowded and I turned to the two young men, “Why don't we talk about this in my office?”

 

Ryo nodded, and the pair followed me to my office. I turned around, watching as Ryo grabbed Uchi's hand, holding it tightly, and for the first time that day, my heart was filled with hope. I thought, perhaps, that everything had a way of working out itself in the end.

 

------

 

Silence filled my office as both Ryo and Uchi sat awkwardly in my office. I thought for a moment that it would be best to leave the two alone to discuss things. I knew I was showing sympathy for the pair. My own relationship had reached a critical point and I wasn't sure whether it would survive or not. As a result, I knew that I was rooting the pair on because I wanted to think that love could conquer everything else.

 

But I was also Ryo's therapist, and I had to think about his well-being. I didn't know if Uchi, or even a romantic relationship, would be good for a struggling drug addict with an anger management problem. I had to think about what was best for him, not what would ease the tension I was currently feeling over Tadayoshi.

 

I sighed in to the silence before saying, “Why don't we start from the beginning?”

 

Uchi looked over at Ryo and when it was clear that the older man wasn't going to say anything. “Well, I suppose it started a long time ago. As far back as I can remember, Ryo was always with me. Our parents both worked for Ohkura Hideo.”

 

I nodded. I had a pretty good idea how the beginning of the story went.

 

“He was my best friend all through childhood. He was the only person there for me when my mom died, when I found out Hideo was my dad, and he even moved with me to Tokyo. And slowly, the feelings of friendship we had turned into something more.” He blushed, and Ryo looked away, as though this was the first time these thoughts and feelings had ever been expressed out loud.

 

“I didn't know then what his father was. I was too young to understand,” Uchi continued. “My whole life felt like it was falling apart. Ryo and I were going to different schools. He was making new friends and I felt like I had nothing. I had become so angry about everything in my life and Ryo was the only person who was ever there for me. Suddenly it felt like I was losing him.

 

“I spent more time around the house, more time around Ryo's dad, and slowly I began to see how powerful he was. He seemed to have money, people respected him, he got what he wanted when he wanted it. And I thought that it was a perfect way to live. If I could be more like him, I could have Ohkura Hideo's life. I could get back at Tadayoshi. I could keep Ryo by my side forever.”

 

I looked over at Ryo, and he was staring at his lap, listening intently. I realized that this was, in fact, the first time Uchi Hiroki had honestly spoken about his feelings.

 

Uchi continued, “Ryo's dad wanted Ryo to follow in his foot steps and take over the family business. He seemed to think that I had some kind of power over Ryo, that I could make him do whatever I wanted. And it wasn't long before I realized that he was right. I told Ryo to stop hanging around with his friends, that I was the only friend he needed, and he stopped. I told him to drop out of school, and he dropped out. I was the one who gave him his first taste of drugs, I was the one who involved him in the yakuza.” He hung his head in shame.

 

I sat back in my chair. “Ryo?”

 

My patient said nothing, still focusing intently on the floor.

 

“Its okay. I don't expect him to say anything. I ruined his life. I don't deserve to even apologize to him.”

 

Ryo shook his head, “Thank you for apologizing. I know that its sincere. But I am not ready to forgive you. All these years, I've loved you and would have been willing to do anything for you. But I need to be on my own for now. One day when I am better, I will be able to forgive you. ”

 

Uchi nodded, standing up. “I understand.”

 

Ryo stood up too, and I looked back and forth between the pair. “I'll see you again when I am ready to forgive you.”

 

Uchi nodded and watched as Ryo left the room. He then glanced at me, a panic stricken look crossing his face. “I should go,” he headed towards the door.

 

I wondered what would make him look at me that way, and then suddenly I realized that he must have seen Tadayoshi if he is staying at Hideo's house while he is in town. “Wait,” I called.

 

Uchi paused and I heard him swear under his breath. “Yeah?” he asked, turning back to me.

 

“Did you see Tadayoshi?” I asked.

 

He sighed, nodding. “I saw him.”

 

“And?” I asked, wondering if he knew what was going on.

 

“And what?”

 

“Is he safe? Is he coming back? Will I see him again?” The questions came spilling out in one breath.

 

“He's fine. That's as much as I know. I'm sorry.” He turned and quickly left the room.

 

I had the feeling, based on the look he had cast me and the quick escape he had made, that Uchi knew more than he was saying. And based on his reaction, the knowledge he had did not seem like something I would like to hear.

 

I knew that I had my answer. Tadayoshi was not coming back.

------

 This chapter turned out to be too long for LJ, so click the link below for part two.

Chapter 16 - Part 2

IconRevolving

Our Story - Chapter 16 part 2

This is the 2nd part of chapter 16. If you have not read the 1st part, click HERE

------

Getting through the rest of the day had been impossibly hard, and by the time my shift was over I had very little will to do much of anything.

 

By this time, I had convinced myself that I would never see Tadayoshi again. I didn't care if I missed the last train, if I didn't make it home. I was feeling so depressed I didn't even care if I got hit by a car.

 

Murakami, however, was not keen on me hanging around the hospital. We had all had a stressful day, and instead of being insolent and adding to Murakami's stress, I decided to go home. Like me, Shingo had also come to the realization that his love was also over.

 

I didn't have time to worry about Murakami and Maruyama then. I had my own failed relationship to sulk over. And selfishly, I couldn't shake the thought from my mind that I deserved pity more than anyone else.

 

I found myself walking up the stairs to my apartment and realized that I must have been functioning on auto-pilot because I couldn't remember how I arrived there. Sticking my key in the lock, I realized that the door was already unlocked, and my pulse raced excitedly as I figured out what that must mean.

 

I threw the door open and was greeted to the warmth of my apartment, and the most delicious smell coming from my kitchen. My heart pounded and a smile spread across my face before I hesitantly called, “Tadaima!”

 

And I was so happy that tears sprang from my eyes as Tadayoshi poked his head around the corner, smiling brightly. “Okaeri.”

 

I had never heard such a beautiful word and I rushed forward, wrapping my arms around Tadayoshi's waist. “I'm so glad to see you.”

 

“I told you that I would see you today,” He returned the hug, the long cooking chopsticks he had been holding digging into my back.

 

I backed away, “What happened? Your dad is okay with this? Are you staying here now?”

 

Tadayoshi smiled and shook his head. “We'll talk about it later. Let's just celebrate tonight, okay?”

 

I nodded and followed him into the kitchen. I knew that I should leave him alone to cook, that we would have plenty of time together, but I selfishly wanted to stay by his side.

 

He was silent as he cooked, seemingly unaware of my presence as I watched him. He was almost finished, I realized as he grabbed some plates from the cabinet and began putting food onto them. When he was finished, I helped him carry the plates to the table as he uncorked a bottle of champagne.

 

He winked at me as he filled two glasses, “To celebrate.”

 

I nodded taking the glasses as he followed me to the table with the bottle. Sitting down, I picked up my chopsticks, eagerly eating Tadayoshi's cooking. It felt like it had been years since I'd tasted one of his meals, and I smiled, excitedly kicking my legs. “It's good.”

 

He laughed, “I'm happy.”

 

I smiled and continued eating the meal. When I had finished, I looked over and noticed that Tadayoshi's plate had barely been touched. Instead, his elbow leaned against the surface of the table, his chin resting in his upturned palm as he watched.

 

“Aren't you going to eat?”

 

He shook his head. “I am not really hungry.”

 

I nodded, and feeling embarrassed for eating so much, I stood up, “I'll do the dishes.”

 

“Leave them for tomorrow,” Tadayoshi said, standing up and grabbing the champagne and glasses. He walked to the sitting area and set the drinks on the table.

 

I followed him to the sofa where he sat down, pulling me into his lap. Wrapping his arms around me, he hugged me, and I couldn't help but notice that the hug didn't feel right.

 

I pulled away, looking down at him. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

 

He nodded. “Would I be here if it weren't?”

 

I sat up, scooting off of his lap.

 

He must have sensed the weird atmosphere, grabbing the glasses and handing me one. “What are we doing? We should be celebrating, right? Cheers!” and he clicked his glass with mine and drank all of the contents in one gulp.

 

I finished off my champagne, setting the empty glass back on the table. “I'm so happy you're here.” I said, already feeling slightly heady from the champagne.

 

“Me too,” He refilled both of our glasses.

 

“I love you,” I smiled, crawling back into his lap.

 

“I love you too,” he smiled weakly, wrapping his arms around me. “Why are you still wearing this?” he asked grumpily, tugging at my suit's jacket.

 

“I don't know. Why don't you take it off?” I wiggled my eyebrows playfully and he immediately complied.

 

His hands did not stop with the jacket, however, and he quickly loosened my tie, pulling it over my head. His fingers immediately went to work on the buttons of my shirt.

 

“What's the rush?” I asked, half teasing, half serious, as his hands went to my belt buckle.

 

He smiled sheepishly. “Sorry.”

 

I leaned down, brushing my lips against his, wondering what was with the strange atmosphere surrounding us. His hands went up the back of my undershirt, scratching lightly along my back as he opened his mouth allowing me to taste him.

 

His mouth still tasted lightly sweet from the champagne. As he slid his tongue slid over mine, his hands drifted back down my back grabbing my hips and pushing me down onto his lap where I could feel him hard underneath me.

 

I gasped as he raised his hips and pushed himself against my rapidly hardening dick. He made quick work of removing my shirt before my hands went to my belt this time and I struggled to remove it quickly.

 

“Who's in a rush now?” he joked.

 

“Shut up,” I replied teasingly as I got the belt off. He pushed my hands out of the way, undoing the buttons and zipper on my pants and we both growled in frustration as we realized that I would need to stand to get my pants off.

 

I stood up quickly, wanting to feel Tadayoshi's hard cock rubbing against me again as soon as possible. I pushed both my pants and underwear off, and reached out for him.

 

“Wait,” he panted, eying my naked body. “The bedroom.” Standing up, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bedroom.

 

He wasted no time once we were there, leaning down and kissing me as his arms wrapped around me. He guided me to the bed and as soon as my back hit the mattress, his hand wrapped around my shaft. I moaned into his mouth, and his grip tightened on me.

 

He broke the kiss, watching my face as his hand continued working at me. His breath tickled my lips and the pleasure I felt as he tugged at me had me squeezing my eyes shut in pleasure and thrusting into his hand.

 

“You're so beautiful,” he whispered against my lips, his tongue plunging into my mouth as he released me.

 

I pushed him off me, sitting up and quickly pulling his shirt off. My lips went to his neck as my hands traveled down his chest. His arms wrapped around me, his hands sliding down my naked body, cupping my ass as my hands went to his pants.

 

He complied wordlessly with me as I removed his clothes, my hands finding his hard cock as soon as he was naked. He laid me down against the mattress once more, coming to rest between my legs. “Shota,” He said breathlessly as he leaned down, his lips attaching to one of my nipples.

 

I shivered as he sucked at my flesh, biting at the sensitive skin as my grip on him tightened. His lips trailed lower and I let go of him as he slid down my body. I didn't know what to do with my hands as his hand wrapped around me and he leaned forward, his lips gently kissing the head of my dick. I sighed at the feeling his wet lips created.

 

I spread my legs further, shuddering as he spit onto me, the warm wet saliva sliding down my shaft. He sat up on his knees and I looked at his naked body, licking my lips as his hand wrapped around his own dick.

 

“Shota,” he panted, sliding his hand up his shaft slowly. “Will you let me fuck you?”

 

His words sent a shiver down my spine and the excitement that had been building, that knot in my groin that had been twisting, increased tenfold. I nodded, desperate to feel his thick cock filling and stretching me.

 

He pulled his hand back down over himself roughly and moaned. “I need to feel you.”

 

I nodded once more and watched as he released himself, leaning down again and taking my shaft into his mouth. He swallowed my entire length and I arched my back off the bed, moaning loudly as more sticky spit covered my shaft.

 

As good as it felt to have his lips wrapped so tightly around me, I wanted to feel him inside of me. I wiggled impatiently against the mattress, the spit sliding its way down my ass. He dragged his finger through the trail of saliva, making me even more restless as it slid against my ass.

 

I gasped in shock as the finger found what it was looking for and began teasing my opening, pressing firmly against me and making me shake in anticipation. Slowly, his finger began penetrating me, wiggling as it sank deeper into me.

 

I bit my lip in pain as his finger slid back out of me, and when he plunged it back into me it was joined my a second finger. “Ah,” I cried out in pain and Tadayoshi's lips tightened around my dick, as he swallowed me again.

 

The mixture of the pleasure and pain I was experiencing had my head spinning, and I reached forward, burying my fingers in Tadayoshi's hair. I thrust myself into his mouth, desperate for the pleasure he was giving me to overpower the pain I felt as Tadayoshi's fingers continued sliding in and out of my body.

 

I could feel his throat vibrating deliciously around my dick as he choked on me, and suddenly, as I neared orgasm, the pain his fingers had been causing me disappeared and I started thrusting into Tadayoshi's mouth, trying to match the pace of his fingers as he continued plunging his digits into me.

 

I'd never felt such intense pleasure, being filled so wonderfully as his lips wrapped around me. And then suddenly, the sensation was gone. “Ah,” I struggled to bring my vision back into focus. “Don't stop.”

 

He was reaching across me for a bag sitting on the nightstand. I blinked in confusion as he pulled out a bottle, flipping open the cap. “Shota,” he panted as he covered himself in lubrication. “Are you ready for me?”

 

I nodded. Instead of feeling nervous the way I had every other time we had come close to this, I felt nothing but desire. I knew, as Tadayoshi spread my legs, pressing my knees towards my chest, that we were both ready for this.

 

He panted, licking his lips and watching my face as the sticky head of his cock pressed against my opening. His breathing became heavier as he grabbed the base of his shaft, slowly guiding himself in. A deep moan escaped his lips as the head of his dick disappeared into my body.

 

A sweat broke out over his body as he let go of his dick leaning down and grabbing my hips, easing himself in the rest of the way, slowly. He threw his head back, and although the pain was making my vision blur again, I didn't think I had ever seen as beautiful of a sight.

 

And then he was deep inside of me, his pelvis smacking against my ass. We were both panting, our bodies completely still as we both adjusted to the sensations we were feeling.

 

Before then, I could only imagine what being filled by another person would be like. And though there had been plenty of times since I had met Tadayoshi that my body had craved to feel him inside of me, that it had known how good it would feel, there was no way I could have been ready for the array of sensations and emotions I was currently feeling.

 

To have someone inside of you, stretching and filling every inch of you in the most intimate way, there were no words that could properly convey the way it felt. He filled me, both literally and physically, and I had never felt as whole as I did at that moment. It wasn't sex and it wasn't just for physical gratification. This was the deepest act of love, a pleasure that only Tadayoshi could give me.

 

He leaned down, his lips crashing onto mine as our tongues fought against each other. His hand slid down the tight space between our bodies, finding my shaft and stroking me as he pulled out of my body. In one quick motion, he thrust himself back inside of me.

 

We both cried out at the same time. “Shota,” he breathed into my mouth. “It's so good. You're so tight.”

 

I nodded my head, my body tingling as he pounded into me again. “Don't stop.”

 

He lowered his head onto my chest, his thrusts shallow as he moaned against my skin. “I can't. Ah, I'm going to cum.”

 

I wrapped my arms around him, our bodies sliding against each other, covered in sweat. “Cum for me,” I whispered to him, my fingers digging into his back as he thrust harder.

 

He sat up, grabbing my knees and spreading me open further. “Cum with me,” He murmured, his hand wrapping around me and jerking me off roughly as he continued fucking me.

 

I nodded, closing my eyes and biting my lip as I focused on the sensations. His hand slid slowly up my shaft as he slid slowly out of my body and when he slid his hand down roughly, he thrust himself hard into me, making me cry out.

 

“Hurry, Shota. I'm so close.” His grip tightened, almost painfully as his thrusts continued. The bed was rocking underneath us, and I wasn't sure what would break first, me or the bed. “Open your eyes,” he moaned. “Watch me fuck you.”

 

I opened my eyes, his husky command sending me over the edge as I met his thrust, my cum spilling out in a stream against Tadayoshi's chest. He either didn't mind or didn't notice as he threw his head back once more, burying himself to the hilt in my body and rolling his hips as he came inside of me.

 

He pulled himself out of me and rolled off my body, pulling me into him and kissing me sloppily. “I love you.” He murmured as soon as he broke the kiss.

 

“I love you too,” I whispered back, stifling a yawn. I suddenly felt very tired and knew I would be asleep soon.

 

As I drifted off to sleep he whispered into my ear, “You're all mine.” And I found myself smiling, happy to belong completely and solely to Ohkura Tadayoshi.

 

------

 

I woke again in the middle of the night, Tadayoshi's lips sucking on my neck as his hand reached around my front, wrapping around my flaccid dick. Though I was tired, and very sore, my body reacted immediately to his touch.

 

“Shota,” he whispered in my ear. “I want you again.”

 

My body hurt, and although I knew I would be limping for a week, I only nodded as he rolled me onto my back and positioned himself at my entrance.

 

The second time was even better than the first.

 

------

 

When I woke up the next morning, I stretched and then immediately cried out at the pain that had infiltrated every inch of my body. I reached out for Tadayoshi, only to find empty space. I sat up, scratching my head at the familiarity of the situation.

 

I eased myself out of bed, concluding that Tadayoshi must have been in the shower, like the time my sister had caught us. I limped my way to the bathroom, opening the door and noticing that the lights were off. I closed the door, confused.

 

My thought drifted to the kitchen, where I thought, perhaps, Tadayoshi was making us breakfast. I passed the dirty dishes on the table, and when I reached the kitchen, it was clear that Tadayoshi was not there either.

 

A panic rose in me as I quickly searched every inch of my apartment. By the time my search was done, I felt numb. “Calm down,” I told myself. “He probably went out for groceries. Just wait until he gets back.”

 

I plopped down onto the sofa, glancing at the clock. I knew that he would be back soon.

 

Around noon, my phone began ringing, but my body still felt numb and I knew there was no way I would be able to stand to answer it. I let the answering machine pick it up.

 

“Shota? Are you there? Are you okay? It's Maruyama. We're worried about you. You know you have to work today, right? Call me as soon as you get this message.”

 

I had hoped that it was Tadayoshi, calling to say he was running late, or to ask what I wanted for dinner, or any number of things boyfriends would call to say.

 

And when dinner time rolled around, and Tadayoshi still was not there, I really began to worry about what would be holding him up.

 

When it became dark, I realized, a tear rolling down my cheek, that Tadayoshi wasn't coming back. Not tonight, not ever.

 

------