The work day could not have ended soon enough for me. After the fight I had with Murakami, I spent the rest of the day hiding in my office. As I had suspected, none of my regular patients stopped in for open office hours.
Most people would have been thankful for the peace and solitude, but when left alone my thoughts lingered on Tadayoshi. Now that his father knew where he was after he ran away, it was only a matter of time before he would find him with me. The more I thought about someone taking him away from me, the more insecure I felt.
I knew that I should have been happy that Tadayoshi's feelings were the same as mine. He had told me that he loved me, but I couldn't shake the feeling that it was all too good to be true. This blissful state would only last so long before someone or something stepped in the way to ruin it. I had already seen it happen. Something in my relationship would go wrong because there was too much on the line, and too many forces against us.
I had already decided that Tadayoshi was worth giving everything up for. But if I had to give Tadayoshi up, what would I have left?
I shook my head. I knew that I needed to stop dwelling on it. I needed to stop thinking that the relationship was doomed from the start.
Anxious to see Tadayoshi, as soon as it was time for me to leave, I grabbed my briefcase and hurried from the clinic. The foreboding feeling I had been battling against all day was only increasing the more I continued dwelling on negative thoughts. I needed to get home and make sure Tadayoshi was still safe and waiting for me.
I almost ran home from the train station. When I reached the apartment, I burst through the door, already positive that Tadayoshi would be gone.
I let out a sigh of relief as I saw Tadayoshi and my sister sitting on the couch, sorting through some bags.
“Okaeri,” they both smiled to me as I stood in the doorway, trying to catch my breath.
My paranoia returned, and for some reason it bothered me that the two had become so friendly. “Tadaima,” I muttered, taking off my shoes and setting my briefcase down by the door.
“We went shopping today,” my sister said happily, holding up one of the bags that she had been looking through.
I stared at Tadayoshi in shock. I couldn't believe that he would leave the apartment when he was supposed to be hiding. I clenched my fists, fighting back the urge to yell at Tadayoshi for his stupidity.
Instead, I sat down in the chair and said in the most civilized voice I could find, “Did you have fun?”
Tadayoshi nodded in reply, and I couldn't decide if he was pretending not to notice my anger or if he was really dense.
“Tadayoshi said he didn't have many clothes at your place, so we decided to go shopping. Oh yeah, we used your credit card too...” she trailed off, holding up my 'in-case-of-emergencies-only' credit card.
“Where did you get that?” I asked, incredulously. If it were any other person, I would have been shocked at the rudeness, but I had know my sister for twenty plus years.
“You've been hiding stuff in your underwear drawer since you were twelve,” she said, setting the card down on the table. “By the way, I like the polka-dotted underwear...”
“I like the ones with the little pink hearts,” Tadayoshi added.
I snatched the card away, pouting. “Quit digging around in there...”
And then Tadayoshi was laughing at me. I stuck my tongue out at him.
“You're such a baby,” my sister said, reaching over and poking me. “You have to buy Tadayoshi stuff. You're the older one in this relationship, so you have to spoil him if you want to keep him.” She said this as though she had such authority, and I wondered if she knew how old he really was.
“What do you know?” I asked her. “You married the same guy you dated since high school.” She stuck her tongue out at me this time, and I continued my pouting.
“We went grocery shopping too,” Tadayoshi offered, pointing to the kitchen. “The refrigerator is full now.”
I wanted to yell at him, but my sister was in the room and she didn't know anything about Tadayoshi's situation. I decided not to say anything, standing up and walking to my bedroom to change out of my suit. I could hear Tadayoshi following me.
“I'm just going to put my clothes away and then I'll start on dinner,” I heard him say to my sister.
I left the door open as I entered the bedroom, taking my jacket off and tossing it onto the bed. Tadayoshi closed the door and I could feel him staring at the back of my head as I opened my dresser drawer.
“Are you mad?” he asked me after a few minutes.
I shook my head, not saying anything. I loosened my tie, taking it of and dropping it onto the floor. It was true that I was a little mad, but I was more thankful that he was safe. Besides, it would be a bad idea to start a fight with my sister in the next room.
“Really?” he asked, again, and I decided that he wasn't stupid. He knew that I was upset with him.
I pulled my clothes out of one half of the dresser, and pointed to the open drawers. “You can have that side of the dresser.”
He seemed happy with that and as he was distracted, I unbuttoned my shirt and slid out of it.
It wasn't long before I heard him slide the dresser drawer shut. “Shota, I'm sorry.”
I sighed, setting my clothes down on the bed, “I'm not mad at you. It was just really stupid of you, Tadayoshi.”
“I know,” he said. “But what was I supposed to tell your sister? Besides, I needed clothes and we really needed groceries.” As he was talking, he made his way closer and I could hear him standing behind me. “I'll pay you back for everything,” he added as an after thought.
I shook my head. “I don't care about the money. I'm just worried about you. I don't want to lose you.”
“I'm sorry,” He hung his head, ashamed with himself.
“I met your dad today.”
Tadayoshi looked up at me then, his face paling. “What? Where?”
“He came into the clinic. Uchi must have realized you were there and told him. He wanted Yokoyama to come search my apartment for you.”
“I'm so stupid,” Tadayoshi moaned, rubbing his face as he paced the room. “I'm sorry, Shota.”
I walked over to where he was still walking back and forth, and hugged him from behind. His warm body felt incredible in my arms. I leaned my forehead against his back, inhaling the scent that was purely Tadayoshi.
And somehow I felt calmer and more collected.
The entire day I had been worrying about him and the inevitable end to our romance. One minute alone with him, and my strength had already been renewed. Knowing he was still there, being able to touch him, was all it took to calm me.
The past few weeks I had been so afraid of being caught, of losing my job or the support of friends and family. Now, I realized, the only thing I was really afraid of was losing Tadayoshi. If he was gone from my life, I didn't know how much will I would have to continue on. I wouldn't care about my job. I would probably stop talking to my family and friends.
Those thoughts made me both happy and worried. I had never been in love before, but the feeling was unmatched. I wanted to be with Tadayoshi every minute. But the thought that I wouldn't be able to function without him frightened me. I wondered when I had become so dependent on this person.
I let go of Tadayoshi, and he turned around, pulling me close to him. “I love you,” he mumbled, as if the words were still so new.
I wrapped my arms around him again, enjoying the way his body fit perfectly against mine. After a few minutes, I pushed him away. “I need to change.”
He stood there for a few minutes and I wasn't sure if he was planning on watching me undress again. The idea of a repeat performance of the previous night made me both extremely excited and nervous.
“What are we going to do about my dad?” Tadayoshi asked, breaking me from my perverted train of thought.
“I don't know yet. Give me a while to think about it.” I told him, and he left me alone to finish getting dressed.
I had no idea where Tadayoshi could go. My family would ask too many questions, and I couldn't burden Maruyama with it. I was extremely irresponsible for putting my job on the line and I couldn't ask Maru to do the same thing. To make matters worse, I didn't want Tadayoshi to live with anyone else. Selfishly, I wanted to keep him in my apartment for myself.
I pulled on a pair of jeans, still wondering what I should do with Tadayoshi. I could keep him with me, my selfish side argued. Like Yokoyama said, there was no evidence that warranted a search of my apartment.
I opened the door and walked towards the kitchen where I could hear the voices of my two guests. Of course, Tadayoshi's father was suspicious of me now and I would have to watch my every move. Tadayoshi would have to stay in the apartment at all times.
I leaned against the doorway, watching him as he chatted with my sister. He seemed happy and content with the situation now, bu I knew that I couldn't keep him there.
I did want him all to myself, I thought, honestly. Imagining him there in my apartment to welcome me home everyday, to make me dinner, to share my bed with, caused my cheeks to flush happily.
But I wondered how long Tadayoshi would be happy living such a way. If I made him stay I would be no better than his father. The thought of Tadayoshi hating me as much as his father made me shake with fear. Even worse than someone taking him from me would be if Tadayoshi left me of his own will.
“Are you okay, Shota?” I heard my sister ask, and looking up I noticed that they were both staring intently at my face.
I nodded, still too shaken up from the path my thoughts had taken. “I'm fine.”
I decided to go sit down and try to calm myself.
Walking to the living room, I sat down on my sofa, picking up a magazine from a nearby table and fanning myself with it.
“Are you sure you're okay?” My sister asked a few minutes later as she entered the room and took the chair across from me.
I nodded again, “Yeah, it was just a stressful day at work.”
She nodded and leaned back in her chair, observing me. The room filled with silence and we both listened to Tadayoshi as he sang while cooking.
“You know,” my sister began after a few minutes of silence, “I really like Tadayoshi.”
I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure how to respond. I suppose I should have been happier that my sister liked him and was that supportive of us being together.
“He's funny and handsome. He can cook. He seems to treat my baby brother well...” She was making a list on her fingers, counting off all of the things she liked about Tadayoshi.
“I'm glad you approve,” I said, and it sounded a lot harsher than I had intended.
“I know you're having a hard time adjusting to your feelings,” she leaned forward and patted my knee. “And I know that there are a lot of things going on that I could never understand. But you're my precious little brother, and I want to be there for you. I love you and Tadayoshi seems like an amazing guy, so I will support you both.”
And for the first time in what seemed like forever, I didn't want to smack my sister. I exhaled deeply, feeling surprisingly better after hearing that from her. “Thank you.”
“And, you're probably going to get mad at me again, but I think mom and dad would support you too,” She said, and sure enough, that thought brought my mood back down.
“I am not ready for that yet.”
She stood up then and plopped down on the couch, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. “Shota, mom has been preparing herself for this since you were still in high school. We all knew it was coming, long before you ever did.”
I sighed, figuring she was about to start with gay jokes again.
“You came to me that night after mom and dad were in bed and told me that you weren't sure if you liked women. I was so happy for you, then, because I thought for sure that you had realized it.
“Then, you brought Emi home, and the whole family was so confused. We thought it must have been some kind of joke. We had been making gay jokes for so long that we figured you were trying to get back at us. And when we realized that you were serious about her being your girlfriend, we worried about you. It was obvious to us that you were fooling yourself.
“Everyone in the family was so relieved when you broke up with her. She wasn't right for you, Shota.”
My sister had never told me any of this before. Deep down, I had known that I always had her support. But hearing that so many other family members had been secretly cheering me on over the years almost brought tears to my eyes.
“With Tadayoshi, its different,” She continued, “Not just because you are finally being true to yourself. And this is only from an outsider's point of view, but you both compliment each other so well. Tadayoshi voices the things you are too afraid to say, and you encourage and care for him.”
Her observation of our relationship was so accurate that I wondered how much Tadayoshi had told her. Even if my family accepted Tadayoshi and me as a couple, I worried about whether they would be able to accept everything else.
I was beginning to jump the hurdle of being in an openly gay relationship, but now I found myself faced with half of a dozen others. People may be able to accept and embrace the fact that I was dating someone of the same sex, but would they be okay with him if they knew he was sixteen? Or considered missing? Or even if they found out he was my patient?
If my sister knew about any of this, she didn't seem to care.
I was still so touched that I could barely speak. I managed to utter, “Thanks.”
She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. “I understand if you aren't ready yet, but I think that mom and dad would love to meet Tadayoshi.”
I nodded, hugging her in return. I hadn't worked up enough courage to bring Tadayoshi home to meet my parents yet. I knew that if they gave me as much love and support as my sister had just given me, everything would be fine. Someday, I wanted them to meet Tadayoshi.
“Dinner is ready,” Tadayoshi called from where he had been setting dishes at the dinner table.
My sister let go of me and stood up, “You've been bragging about your cooking all day. This better be good.”
I watched as Tadayoshi laughed at her teasing. It came as a relief that they got along so well with each other. If he could handle being picked on by my sister, then he could easily handle the rest of my family. I realized that half of the reason I was so worried about introducing him to my family was because I was afraid that they would not like him.
The importance of them accepting Tadayoshi had nothing to do with wanting their approval. Instead, I was because he had no family of his own, and my family would become his. I only wanted to surround him with people who cared as much about him as I did.
I watched as the two continued with the banter that seemed to come so naturally to them and I knew that there would be no problems. Tadayoshi was already becoming a part of my family.
After we had stuffed ourselves with Tadayoshi's dinner, which my sister conceded was one of the best meals she'd ever eaten, we all sat around the living, too lazy to do much else.
Tadayoshi was laying on his back on the floor, reading a manga, while my sister chatted on the phone with her husband.
For the first time in my entire life, things were falling into place and I was starting to feel whole. If I could have captured this moment, I would have been happy to live it for the rest of my existance.
I watched Tadayoshi read his manga, his brow furrowed in concentration. I still didn't know what to do about the current situation. Right then, I was so happy with the way things were and I didn't want Tadayoshi to leave my side.
For now, I was okay with keeping our relationship quiet. I treasured the moments I had alone with Tadayoshi, and I would be content to just keep him for myself forever.
I knew, though, that his day with my sister had probably been one of the happiest and most free days of his life. He deserved to be able to where he wanted and be with who he pleased. And I, too, wanted to be able to take him places and introduce him to new things and people.
The more I thought about it, the further I was from a conclusion. I knew that I had to do something. Tadayoshi's father was looking for him and it was only a very short matter of time before the search would end here.
“Well,” My sister said after she hung up her phone. “Its getting late and I have to catch the first train back tomorrow morning.”
I looked up, slowly processing what she had just said. “Ah, I'll go change the sheets on the bed.”
“No,” she stopped me. “I'll sleep on the couch. I'm the smallest one here. Besides, I don't know what you guys have been doing in that bed.”
I blushed and Tadayoshi laughed from his spot on the floor. “Are you sure?”
She nodded her head. “Yeah, it's fine.” Stretching, she stood up. “Is it okay if I take a bath before bed?”
I nodded, standing up and heading into the bathroom. I turned the faucet on, letting the tub fill up. After showing her where the towels were, I quickly left the bathroom.
I hurried into my bedroom, opening the closet and pulling out some extra bedding for my sister. Carrying the blankets and pillows to the living room, I noticed that Tadayoshi was still reading his manga.
I set the load down on the table and plopped down onto the couch. “Tadayoshi,” I started, and after a few moments he looked up from the pages at me. “What do you want to do?”
“What do you mean?” he asked, sitting up and setting the book down on the floor.
“Do you want to stay with me?”
A look of confusion crossed his face, “Of course I do.”
“I mean, will you be happy if you have to stay here all the time?”
He nodded his head, the confused look still on his face.
I continued on, needing to explain my worries. “I don't want to keep you here, locked up all the time. That's no better than if you were at your dad's house.”
He smiled, finally understanding me. Crawling across the floor to where I was sitting, he kneeled in front of me. His hands came to rest on my thighs and he stared up at my face. “There is a huge difference. I want to be here.” I gulped nervously as his hands slid further up my thighs. He was staring intently at my face, smiling, as if he knew exactly what he was doing to me. “Even if I could freely go wherever I wanted, I would still choose to be here with you.”
My heart started beating faster as Tadayoshi sat up on his knees, his face centimeters from my own
“Awww,” I heard from behind me and turned around to look at my sister, who was standing in the bathroom doorway watching us. “You guys are so cute,” she said, twisting her hair into a towel. “But you better not be thinking about doing anything ecchi where I am supposed to sleep tonight.”
Tadayoshi stood up then and the moment we had and whatever was going to happen was over.
“The bath is free,” she crossed the room and plopped down next to me on the couch.
I looked over at Tadayoshi. “Do you want to go?”
He shook his head, “I'll go after you.”
I stood up and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I quickly undressed, washing and rinsing myself before climbing into the tub.
I sighed in contentment as I slid into the tub, water splashing out as I sank in further. Closing my eyes in contentment, I started recalling the way Tadayoshi's hands felt on my thighs. My cheeks started warming as I wondered where his hands would have went if we hadn't been interrupted.
I exhaled a shaky breath, glad that I was alone. My thoughts continued down the path of dirty thoughts, as I recalled the intimate way in which Tadayoshi had touched my body the previous night. Just thinking about the way his hand felt wrapped around my manhood had me panting. I could feel my cheeks heat as my face flushed with arousal.
I stood up then, wondering how long I had been sitting in the tub daydreaming about Tadayoshi. I grabbed a towel and quickly dried myself off, trying to calm down. The last thing I needed was to get myself all excited before going to bed with Tadayoshi. It was hard enough to avoid his advances when I wasn't all hot and bothered.
I wrapped the towel around my waist and opened the door. The lights were out and I could hear my sister's faint snores from the couch. I crept across the room to my bedroom and opened the door quietly.
Tadayoshi was laying on the bed, still immersed in his book. I crossed the room to my dresser and pulled the drawer open, pulling out a pair of comfortable pajama bottoms.
I glanced over my shoulder at Tadayoshi, certain that he would be eying me the way he had the previous night. But he was completely focused on his manga and I wasn't sure if he even knew I was in the room with him. As I dropped my towel and pulled on the pants, I felt slightly disappointed that he seemed to have no interest in watching me.
I turned around and walked towards the bed. “The bath is all yours.”
Tadayoshi marked the page he was on and set the book down on the bed. He stretched slowly before standing up, saying nothing as he left me alone in our bedroom.
I got into bed, crawling under the blankets and pouting a bit. I wondered if Tadayoshi was angry about something I had said or done. It felt suspiciously like he was purposely ignoring me.
I closed my eyes, trying to stop thinking about Tadayoshi and fall asleep. I was still dwelling on what I could have done to upset him when the door opened and he reentered.
I turned, unable to take my eyes away as he strutted across the room in only a towel. He was still wet, beads of water sliding deliciously down his body. I tried to force myself to look away as he approached the bed, and I wondered if he was going to acknowledge me.
He reached down, picking up his book and tossing it down on the floor. I continued watching as he pulled the towel off and crawled under the blankets. “Goodnight,” he said, his back facing me.
“Ah,” I said, finding myself disappointed again. “Goodnight.”
I laid there, my entire body stiff, afraid that if I would move some part of his naked body would rub against me.
He turned off the lights, and I closed my eyes again. I turned in bed so that our backs were now facing each other, positive that if I wasn't looking at him I wouldn't be tempted into any dirty thoughts or ideas.
After several minutes of silence, I felt the bed shift and Tadayoshi tossed his arm over my waist, snuggling closer to me. He must have felt my body tense from the contact because he asked quietly, “Are you sleeping?”
I shook my head and he leaned forward, pressing his lips against my ear. “I can't sleep,” he whispered, his warm breath sending shivers down through my body.
I was curious if he had an alternative to sleeping as I whispered back, “Neither can I.”
He said nothing, but the arm he had wrapped around my midsection slowly made its way up my chest as he pulled me back against his body. Satisfied with the way his body was cradling mine, the hand made its way back down my body as he pressed his lips against the side of my neck.
It was obvious that he did have another activity in mind, and though I felt nervous, I didn't want him to stop. His fingers were playing with the waistband of my pants, dipping them in only far enough to brush at my hips and tease me as he started sucking at my neck.
He grabbed my hip roughly and pushed me onto my back. He threw the blankets off of the bed and sat up on his knees, straddling my hips. I stared for a few minutes at his naked body, my first time seeing him completely undressed.
He seemed to be as aroused as me, and if I wasn't so nervous I would have reached out to touch him. I didn't have enough time to think too seriously about it as Tadayoshi started rolling his hips against mine. It caught me off guard for only a moment, and then, without realizing it, my hips started moving with his.
I reached forward, grabbing at his hips, trying to press myself against him harder. The friction he was creating as he rubbed against me was making me delirious and I was aware that I had started panting, and digging my nails into his skin. He leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of my head. I looked down and the sight of his his hips thrusting against me, his hard cock on me was almost enough to make me explode there and then. I wanted nothing more than to feel him inside of me, filling me with his length.
“Ah, Tadayoshi...” I moaned as he started thrusting himself harder, the friction almost unbearable.
He started panting and when I looked up at his face, his eyes were screwed shut, a look of indescribable ecstasy on his face. I let go of his hips, bringing my arms around his neck and pulling him down to me. “Feels so good...” he mumbled as I pulled him down further, his lips meeting mine.
His tongue slid sloppily past my lips and with one hand he cupped my face, titling my head back so he could have better access to every inch of my mouth.
“Ah,” he moaned in my mouth as he stared shaking against me. He rubbed himself against me hard and fast and I felt his warm cum spill out across my stomach, pooling into my belly button. He thrusted against me a few more times, before his tongue slid slowly out of my mouth and he sat up, panting.
I had no idea what to say, and when I tried to sit up, he silently pushed me back against the bed. His hands trailed down my body again, finding the waistband of my pants and pulling them down my thighs.
I gasped at the feel of the cool air against my hard length, but forgot as it was replaced with a new wet sensation. I looked down and Tadayoshi was kneeling before me, the head of my cock pressed against his wet, swollen lips.
“What are...” I didn't have time to finish my question as his tongue darted out. Again, I found myself so close to the edge. The only thing holding me back was my nervousness and fear over what was happening. “No...”
He wasn't listening to me as he placed the tip of my length against his lips, creating an amazing feeling of suction.
I tried to squirm away, but he reached out with his free hand, holding me down. He was looking up at me as his tongue slid from the base of my cock all the way back up to the tip. “God,” I moaned, the mixture of sensation and the look he was giving me driving me wild.
He started sliding his hand up and down my length, while he put my tip in his mouth and slid his tongue back and forth over my slit. And then, he slid my entire length past his lips and I could feel my release coming. “Fuck...” I panted, never imaging that it would feel so good.
He slid it out of his mouth, leaving it covered in his saliva, as he continued watching my face. His mouth slid down over it again, and my hips lifted from the bed as I unconsciously tried sinking my entire length into his mouth.
He choked a bit, sliding my cock back out of his mouth, he smiled up at me. “Naughty Shota...”
And my face was flushing again with a mixture of embarrassment and excitement. He started stroking me with his hand again, and I spread my legs, trying to give him easier access.
“Does it feel good?” he asked me and all I could do was nod in reply.
“Good,” was all he said, before he lowered his head and started sucking me off again.
His wet mouth felt so good wrapped around me and I had to fight to keep from thrusting into it again. I had already come close to coming twice and as he started working at me faster, we both knew I wasn't going to last much longer.
“Ah, I'm going to cum,” I told him, confused as he continued sliding his tongue over me.
“Stop,” I said, when I realized with embarrassment, that I was about to come in his mouth.
I could feel my orgasm almost there, as Tadayoshi continued sucking on the head while his hand slid up and down my shaft. I couldn't stop it, and I hit my orgasm, my back arching off the bed as my seed shot into Tadayoshi's accepting mouth.
And when I had finally come down from my orgasm, Tadayoshi was staring at me, a bit of my cum dripping past his lips. If I didn't feel so humiliated, I would have found it erotic. Instead I buried my face in the pillow, feeling ready to cry.
“Eh?” Tadayoshi crawled towards me. “Shota? What's wrong?”
I shook my head, still embarrassed.
“Hey,” He pulled me away from the pillow, forcing me to look at him. “Did I do something wrong?”
“What is it then?”
“You swallowed it,” I mumbled, embarrassed.
He scratched his head and leaned forward. “Yeah? So?”
The situation was already embarrassing enough without him making it worse with a dozen questions. What if I tasted bad and he never wanted to do it again? Or even worse, if it turned him off so much that he was repulsed by me?
And then he was laughing at me and I felt even stupider. “I get it,” he said, and he pulled me close, hugging me. “Don't worry about stupid things like that. It tasted good. Like Shota.” he said sweetly, and it did make me feel slightly better.
I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest, falling asleep almost instantly.
The next morning, we woke up early enough to send my sister off. When we emerged from the bedroom she gave us a sly look like she knew exactly what we had been up to the night before.
I helped her pack up her bags and offered to take her to the train station because I didn't have work that day. She shook her head, “I can find it from here.”
“Okay,” I shrugged, wondering what it would be like once it was just me and Tadayoshi again. “Call me when you get back home.”
She nodded. “I will. Remember what we talked about yesterday?” She asked, and I knew she was talking about Tadayoshi meeting my parents.
I nodded as Tadayoshi looked at us curiously.
“And you,” She turned towards him. “You take care of my little brother.”
Tadayoshi smiled and nodded his head.
“And you take care of Tadayoshi!” She smacked my head lightly and I rubbed at it.
“Bye, sis.” I waved as she opened the door to my apartment.
“Bye-bye! Little brother one and two!” And with that she was gone.
When I turned to look at Tadayoshi, he was grinning like a little boy. “What?”
“She called me little brother...” he smiled, and I knew that he was genuinely touched.
Tadayoshi wanted to be loved not only by me, but someone that he considered family. The fact that my sister had welcomed him so whole-heartedly made my happy. And the fact that Tadayoshi wanted to be part of my family meant the world to me.