I blinked a few times, not sure whether I was actually seeing Tadayoshi there or if my mind just wanted to see him. After a few minutes I realized that he really was there and that he was probably cold and hungry.
I reached down and shook his shoulder in an attempt to wake him up. All I got in response was Tadayoshi pulling his jacket up over his face and muttering what sounded suspiciously like, “Shota.”
I felt myself blush as I wondered if he was dreaming about me. I looked around wondering if anyone was watching. There was a sixteen-year-old runaway sleeping in front of my building. I had found myself in another dangerous situation thanks to Tadayoshi.
“Tadayoshi,” I said, loud enough for him to hear but not loud enough to attract attention. When, still, I received no response, I squatted down next to him. “Hey, Tadayoshi.” I poked his cheek with my finger. “Wake up.”
He really did look peaceful sleeping there, and although I would be happy just watching him, my neighbors were too noisy. “OHKURA,” I shook him hard one more time and finally his eyes snapped open.
“Shota,” he smiled up at me,wiping the sleep from his eyes with the back of his hand. “Okaeri.”
I ignored the way my stomach did a flip when he said my name. “What are you doing here?”
“I needed somewhere to go...” he looked at me with puppy dog eyes and I knew he was probably manipulating me a bit.
“I told you to stay in your room at the clinic. They filed a police report, you know. And everyone thinks that I know where you are...” I was starting to feel a little angry at him.
“I couldn't stay there. If they knew that Nishikido was there then it was only a matter of time before they realized that I was there too. If Uchi is here in Osaka, then he already knows that I ran away,” Ohkura stood up and picked up his bag.
“You can't stay here,” I told him. “Murakami already suspects that I have something to do with you running away.” With Murakami's recent behavior, I wouldn't put it past him to have the police watch my building. This thought had me looking around, paranoid.
“Where else am I supposed to go?”
“We'll talk about it inside. It's not a good idea to be seen out here together.” I grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to my apartment. When we arrived at my apartment, he was reluctant to let go of my hand, so I pulled it away from him.
Inside, he made himself comfortable on a chair, and though we were on the third floor, I rushed over to the windows and yanked the curtains shut.
I turned to see him stretch out in the chair, his shirt rising and exposing his smooth, flat stomach. He definitely couldn't stay with me, I thought as I found myself unconsciously licking my lips. Not when every move he made was so tempting. A week of this was enough to kill a man.
“You can't stay here,” I said, voicing my thoughts.
“I don't have anywhere else to go,” Tadayoshi stated. “Besides, isn't it normal for lovers to live together?”
“We aren't lovers,” I corrected him, the word sounding foreign to my lips. “Besides, you're underage and my patient.”
Tadayoshi shook his head. “We aren't lovers, yet,” he said and the way he said yet made me feel warm all over. I felt like he was making some sort of promise to me. “I'm old enough to consent...”
And suddenly the image of Tadayoshi underneath me, consenting to all sorts of things as I pushed myself deeper inside of him filled my head. I felt ashamed for thinking such things, shaking the thoughts from my mind.
“I'm not your patient anymore either. So stop worrying,” he finished, and I was thankful that he had no idea about all of the perverted things I had just been thinking.
“If they find out that you were at the clinic, they will find out that you are here too. And I don't think your father or the police will agree that this is consensual.”
“I'm safer here than I would be on the streets.” I knew that it was true. Even if Tadayoshi managed to avoid being found out by his father, he would get mixed up in the wrong crowd. We both knew that I wouldn't let him leave if he had nowhere to go.
“You can stay tonight. Until we figure out somewhere else you can go.”
Tadayoshi smiled, clearly satisfied with himself and the fact that he would be allowed to stay.
I remembered then that he had been sitting outside for hours, and was probably hungry. “Are you hungry?” I asked, though I already knew the answer. It seemed as though Tadayoshi was always hungry.
He followed me to the kitchen and watched as I opened the refrigerator door. I bent down and stuck my head inside, rifling around for something to eat. I hadn't managed to find time to go grocery shopping in the past week and my refrigerator was almost completely bare.
“Ah, sorry,” I said, turning. “I guess I don't really have anything. I'll just run down to the konbini and get something.”
“Let me see,” Tadayoshi pushed me away from the refrigerator and began pulling various things out. After a few minutes of searching through the fridge and cabinets, he seemed satisfied with his ingredients and started pulling pots and pans out.
I was amazed as he began cooking a meal from virtually nothing. All it took was five minutes in front of the stove, and already he had filled my apartment with delicious scents. Mesmerized, I found the way Tadayoshi carefully chopped and mixed every ingredient fascinating. I would probably never tire of watching the way his hands easily maneuvered the various cooking utensils he was using. It seemed as natural to him as breathing.
“I worry about you...” He said a few minutes later from his spot in front of the stove.
“Huh? Why?” I asked.
“Are you eating properly?” he asked, still not lifting his eyes from the chopping board he was using.
“Yeah,” I told him. “I don't cook though. I usually eat out or pick something up from the konbini on my way home.”
“You should eat more home cooked food. Its better for you than all of that other stuff.”
“If I made food, I would end up poisoning myself,” I said, only half-joking.
“Then it would be good to have me around,” he said it subtly, but I knew what he was hinting. I was tired though, and in no mood to argue with Tadayoshi over whether he could stay with me permanently. He always seemed to win anyway.
I didn't say anything, instead leaving the kitchen and flopping down in the chair that Tadayoshi had been previously occupying. I reached over to grab the remote when I noticed the screen on my answering machine blinking at me.
Pushing the play button, I waited patiently for the message to start playing. “Shota,” I immediately recognized my sister's voice. She had been trying to call me all week, and I had been purposely avoiding her. I was still mad at her, and until she apologized, I had nothing to say to her. “Will you please call me?” she continued. “I'm getting really worried about you. I'm sorry about what I said. Just please call me back, Sho...” and then she hung up.
I started feeling guilty about avoiding her. I really did love my sister. I thought that I would feel her better if I could make her miserable, but instead I felt like a jerk.
I realized that I probably didn't even have a reason to be mad at her. She was right, after all. It seemed that I really was gay. The only thing stopping me from calling her then was the fact that it was already almost one in the morning.
“Who was that?” Tadayoshi asked from the kitchen doorway, and I could tell that he had been eavesdropping.
“Oh,” Tadayoshi said, his voice filled with relief.
“Who did you think?” I asked, and all I received was a shrug as he returned to the kitchen. I knew what he had thought. The thought of me with a girl seemed ridiculous in my own mind, but apparently not to Tadayoshi. He was very childish, and I couldn't decide whether his jealousy was cute or annoying.
I was probably the only person he ever had to himself, though. I knew that I should probably let him be selfish. He had lost his mom, his brother and had never been cherished by his father. He had never known companionship or love. The thought filled me with a sadness and I found myself wandering into the kitchen.
I stood watching him for a minute before I felt the uncontrollable urge to go to him. Standing behind him, I wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face between his shoulder blades.
“Ah, what are you doing?” Tadayoshi said, clearly caught off guard.
“Nothing,” I mumbled, hugging him tighter.
He was still moving his arms, stirring something in a pot. “Sorry,” I said, realizing that I was probably distracting him from his cooking. “I'll stop.” I stepped back, dropping my arms from around his waist.
He dropped the spoon he was holding and turned to face me. “You don't have to,” he said, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me close to his body, wrapping his arms around me.
I wrapped my arms around him again, laying my head against his chest. For the first time, I let my entire body relax in Tadayoshi's arms. There was no chance of us getting caught. Here, he was mine and I was his.
I pressed myself as close to him as I could, enjoying the warmth of his body. I had never held someone like this before. “Ah, the curry will burn,” he said, letting me go, somewhat reluctantly.
I stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen where Tadayoshi had left me. I wanted to go back to him, the feeling of his body against mine had created some sort of high. Instead, I just watched as he finished up the food, dishing it out onto a plate and handing me a spoon.
I carried the plate over to the table, and Tadayoshi followed me in silence. We both sat down, quietly eating the food.
A weird tenseness had filled the room. It was getting late, and we were both tired. Suddenly, I found myself wondering where Tadayoshi would sleep.
I looked at his face which was screwed up in concentration and I wondered if he was thinking the same thing. “Is it okay?” he asked, finally breaking the silence.
I nodded. “Its good.”
I ate slowly, suddenly not looking forward to bed. There was only one bed in my apartment and the sofa was really not big enough for either of us to stretch out and lay down on.
Tadayoshi stood up before me, bringing his plate to the sink and turning on the hot water, preparing to wash the dishes. I finished the food and brought it to the sink, watching as he finished the dishes and put them on the drying rack.
“Do you want a bath before bed?” I asked, hoping to put off going to sleep for a while longer.
Tadayoshi shook his head, drying his hands on a towel and leaning back against the counter. “I'll shower in the morning.”
I suddenly felt nervous.
“Let me find something for you to wear to bed,” I said, hurrying from the kitchen. I was sure that I had nothing that would fit Tadayoshi, but I needed to get away from him for a few minutes to think about the situation I had found myself in.
I didn't have much time to think, though, as Tadayoshi followed me into my bedroom, sitting on the end of my bed and watching as I dug through the drawers. I could feel his eyes on me as I continued looking through my drawers.
I heard shuffling behind me and turned around. Tadayoshi had removed his t-shirt tossing it onto the pile of dirty clothes in the corner. “What are you doing?” I asked, staring at him.
“Getting ready for bed,” he said, pulling his pants off like it was no big deal. He threw them with his shirt in the pile and crawled into my bed, under the covers.
“But,” I started, and pointed at my bed. It wasn't a large bed. In fact, it was really only made for one person. I shook my head, realizing that it was only polite to let the guest have the bed.
I returned to my dresser and pulled out a pair of pajamas. Cradling them in my arms I tuned towards the door, prepared to leave.
“Where are you going?” Tadayoshi called to me from his spot on my bed.
“To change and go to bed,” I pointed out the door and to the sofa.
Tadayoshi shook his head and lifted the covers. “There's enough room for us both.”
I stared at him for a moment. I know I should have said no. If I knew what was good for me, I would have turned him down immediately. But, the truth of the matter was that the idea of sharing a bed with Tadayoshi was far too tempting to pass up.
I was far from experienced. I had only been intimate with one person, and even then it was only once, rushed and in the back seat of a car. It had been awkward, and in my opinion, completely unenjoyable. On top of all of that, it was with a woman. I had no idea how to approach an intimate relationship with another man.
Even with all of the dirty thoughts that had been running through my head regarding Tadayoshi earlier, all I could feel now was nervous. I had the urge to throw up as he lay there in bed, waiting for some kind of reaction on my part.
I wondered then how many people Tadayoshi had been with. He seemed to have absolutely no inhibitions when it came to sex, and here I was, almost in a panic. The thought of him with anyone else made me feel even sicker. I was curious, but there was no way that I could work up the courage to ask him.
“Okay,” I finally said, finding my voice. “Let me just change.” I turned and headed for the door again.
“Where are you going now?” he asked, still eying me with curiosity.
“The bathroom... to change clothes,” I said as if it were obvious.
He looked at me with a very amused expression. “Why don't you change in here?”
“Because,” I said and I couldn't come up with a decent excuse. Tadayoshi was, for lack of any other word, my boyfriend. We were about to share a bed and there I was, afraid to get dressed in front of him.
He continued smiling at me, knowing that I had absolutely no excuse. Again, he was about to get what he wanted.
I had, of course, showered and changed in front of other men before, but this situation was completely different. No matter how I thought about it, I wasn't just getting dressed. The way Tadayoshi was watching me made it clear that this was more of a show to him than anything else.
“What are you so shy about?” He asked, amused that I was still standing in the same spot, holding my little bundle of pajamas.
“Its not that I am shy,” I said, not bothering to add that it was more about the fact that he was staring at me like a piece of meat than anything else.
“Should I close my eyes?” he asked, and I knew that he was teasing.
“Would you?” I asked seriously, and he laughed at me.
“You're like a girl. I am going to see you naked anyway, so stop being so nervous,” He sat up then.
My stomach did another flip. The thought of Tadayoshi seeing me naked filled me with a mixture of excitement and fear. In my mind, there was the very likely possibility that Tadayoshi would not like what he saw. If my self-esteem wasn't bad enough, such a situation would probably crush me.
I probably looked ridiculous standing there holding my pajamas. It was getting late and I had no excuse for not getting dressed. It was time to suck it up and just get changed. I turned around so that my back was facing Tadayoshi.
Usually, I slept shirtless, but Tadayoshi was also shirtless. If I had to feel his warm skin against mine all night, there was no way I would be able to sleep. I pulled off the shirt I had borrowed from Satoshi, dropping it onto the floor and quickly putting on the new one.
“Turn around,” I heard Tadayoshi call from my bed, and like I suspected, he had been watching me.
I shook my head and looked over my shoulder at him. “Please stop watching me.”
I watched him throw the covers off and crawl to the end of the bed. “Really, what are you so nervous about?” he asked.
“This is my first time doing this. I'm scared and you're not helping,” I said.
I turned around and watched as his feet swung over the edge of the bed and onto the floor. He hoisted himself into standing position and came towards me.
As I watched him move closer to me, I found myself staring at his body again. He couldn't be more perfect, I thought, as he was almost standing in front of me. I had seen men naked before. Men that were conventionally more attractive than Tadayoshi. But for some reason, he was the only person, man or woman, whose body managed to make my entire being filled with desire.
He crossed the room, and he reached out, pulling me closer to him. His face was incredibly close to mine, and my nervous returned as he was stared down at me. He held my face in his hands, and I gulped, in nervous anticipation, as he brought his lips down to mine.
My eyes fluttered shut on their own and I found myself wrapping my arms around Tadayoshi's neck, pulling my body into his so that I could feel him against me. His cool hands moved down my body and found their way up my shirt, making me shiver as they drifted across my heated skin. He broke the kiss momentarily as he lifted my shirt over my head, tossing it onto the floor. He grabbed my hips, pulling me against his warm chest. His lips met mine again and he bit gently at my lips, begging for entrance to my mouth. I complied, opening my mouth for him and sighing as his wet tongue slid inside.
Before I knew what he was doing, he had hooked his fingers into the waistband of my sweatpants and yanked them down along with my underwear. I tried to protest, to break the kiss, but Tadayoshi quickly reached up, gripping the back of my neck. With a force he had never used before, his tongue continued sliding over my own, tasting every inch of my mouth.
My eyes, fluttered shut again, and Tadayoshi removed his hand from the back of my head, dragging it down my back and pulling me against him. I felt a bit dizzy as I felt Tadayoshi's length hardening against my stomach and I was overwhelmed with the desire to pull down his underwear and see how hard I had made him.
He broke the kiss, and his swollen, wet lips made a trail down my neck, sucking at my neck as he gripped my hips, rubbing his cock against me. I was panting, I realized, as Tadayoshi spun me around so that my back was against his chest.
“Look,” he said, and I opened my eyes.
Tadayoshi had turned me so that I was facing the mirror, and I was greeted with the sight of my naked body. I would have looked away, but the hungry look in Tadayoshi's eyes as he looked over my shoulder in the mirror had me fixed in place.
With one hand, he reached around, taking the full length of my cock in his hand. “Look how beautiful...” he trailed off before attacking my neck with his lips. His hand slid slowly up my shaft and I found myself shuttering and pushing back against his hardness.
His thumb slipped over the tip of my length and my legs shook as he rubbed at the head of my cock. I knew that I wouldn't last long with his teasing as he sucked on my neck. “Ah,” I moaned as he gripped me harder sliding his hand up and down.
I started thrusting into his hand, unable to control myself. I could feel my face getting warmer as he reached down and grabbed my hip with his free hand, stilling my body. “Please,” I whispered, though I wasn't consciously aware of what I was asking for.
Tadayoshi pulled me back, and again I could feel him hard against my backside as he continued rubbing himself against me. There was a million sensations going on in my body, every hair on my body was standing on end, and every nerve sensitive to the slightest touch.
I didn't know what felt best: Tadayoshi's hard length against my bare ass, or the way his wonderfully wet lips were sucking at my neck, or the firm grip he had on my manhood. He removed his lips from my neck, working at me faster, and I knew I was close to coming. I threw my head back against his shoulder, never having felt such an intense need to reach climax.
“Open your eyes,” he commanded, and I complied.
I didn't think it was possible but the way he was watching me made my cock even harder and I could feel the knot that had been building twist itself tighter. I watched Tadayoshi watching me in the mirror and then my whole body stiffened, and I clenched my eyes shut as I came, my seed spilling onto the floor and all over Tadayoshi's hand.
He slid his hand over me a few more times, covering my length with my own wetness. He let go, and my legs started to give way. Tadayoshi caught me. Holding me steady, he led me to the bed. The embarrassment of what he had just done to me finally hit, and I hid my head against his chest, feeling a bit humiliated.
Tadayoshi lifted the blankets and crawled under, pulling me in with him. I was glad for the blankets because I suddenly realized how naked I was. He pulled me close, resting my head against his chest. I could hear his heart beating fast in my ear, and as he pulled me closer I could feel that he was still hard.
“Ah,” I lifted my head, not sure what to say. “Do you want me to...” I trailed off, not sure how to finish. I had never done something like what had just happened for someone before. Of course, I was male and human, so that particular part of his anatomy wasn't completely new to me.
But Tadayoshi shook his head, yawning. “Next time,” he said, and it was more like promise than a statement.
I nodded, feeling a bit bad about leaving him in such a state, but relieved.
I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, but instead, I found myself thinking about Tadayoshi and our relationship. We had officially crossed that line I had been so afraid of. The young boy who was holding me so tight in his arms knew me better than anyone else.
I worried about us and our future. It couldn't possibly work out between me and Tadayoshi. He was a kid and I was an adult. Our relationship, and especially what we had just done, was wrong. More than anything, I worried about what kind of future he would have. What kind of future we would have.
I knew that I wanted to be with Tadayoshi. I had never been in love, but I was fairly certain that my feelings for Tadayoshi could not be explained in any other way. More than just infatuation or even sexual attraction, what I felt for Tadayoshi went much deeper. I wanted to make him happy, to see him smile, and to be the one who was there when he needed to laugh or cry.
Any sexual desire I felt for him, I realized, was the result of these feelings. More than just wanting to have sex, I felt the desire to share myself with him. I wanted to hold him intimately and show him how much he was wanted and how much I cherished him. I wanted to make him feel good, to pleasure him.
The problem with all of these desires was actually being able to act on them. There were so many social stigmas regarding our relationship. The only people I could count on to approve of us being together were Maru-chan and Subaru.
I wondered how long we could keep this sort of relationship up. Tadayoshi couldn't keep running forever.
I wanted to be with him-- forever if I could, and he, hopefully, wanted me as well. As long as he was hiding from his father, we could never really be together. And Tadayoshi could never be happy.
I heard Tadayoshi snoring lightly then and I opened my eyes. His peaceful sleeping face made me feel calm and relaxed. A feeling of happiness flowed through me and I don't remember the last time I had felt that way.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized I had nothing to be afraid of when it came to being with Tadayoshi. For now, I was happy having him all to myself. He would give me strength I needed, and I would do my best to support him as well. I had to keep the faith that it would work out for us in the end.
I woke up the next day to the sound of my doorbell ringing. I stretched out, searching for Tadayoshi's warmth, disappointed when I realized that he was no longer next to me.
I cracked open an eye and looked around the room. It was seven in the morning and I had overslept. I would have to scramble to get ready if I was going to make it to work in time.
I had more important issues at that moment, though. First of all, I was still naked. Secondly, Tadayoshi had disappeared somewhere. And finally, there was someone pounding at my door at an ungodly hour.
“I'll get it!” I heard Tadayoshi call, and relaxed at the realization that he was still in my apartment.
Then it struck me that Tadayoshi wasn't supposed to be there, and whoever was at the door didn't need to know that he was. I sprung from bed, gathering up the sweatpants I had been wearing the previous day and pulling them on. It could be Uchi, or Tadayoshi's dad or Murakami or any other number of people who would tear Tadayoshi and me apart.
I ran from the room, not bothering to put a shirt on. “Don't answer it...” I said, but it was already too late.
There was my sister, a smug look on her face as she stared between me and Tadayoshi.
I fought to figure out a way to cover it up, I was a horrible liar to begin with, and the current situation was out of my realm of lying ability. There was no way she would believe me no matter what I said, because there was Tadayoshi, standing there in only a towel with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.
“Damn...” I muttered to myself, unable to say anything else.
“Hey, bro...” She smiled, crossing her arms over her chest.
A/N: I just wanted to say that this is the first time I have ever written a yaoi scene, so any criticism (constructive or otherwise) is appreciated ^^