The situation wasn't ideal. Yasu was willing to admit that it hurt to hear Subaru say that he still had lingering feelings for Rikiya. But all of that pain was easy to forget when he told himself that Subaru also had feelings for him. To Yasu, it wasn't important that Subaru still had feelings for Rikiya, because he knew that with time, those feelings would disappear for good. If he showed Subaru enough love, how could he possibly keep thinking about Rikiya?
Yasu's grin widened and his blush deepened as his thoughts wandered back to exactly what he'd done the night before. It seemed surreal that they'd officially crossed the line of friendship and for Yasu, there was no going back now. He could feel the first stirrings of arousal as he remembered the way Subaru tasted and the sounds he made and how happy Yasu felt to just lay beside him. Already, he couldn't wait to do it again.
Then, the thought occurred to him that now it was only a matter of time before they took the physical side of their relationship even further. His stomach flopped in a mixture of nervousness and excitement at the thought of going all the way with Subaru.
He wondered, as he climbed out of bed, if Subaru was a virgin like him. Had he done it with Rikiya? He shook his head as he got dressed, trying to push those thoughts far from his mind. It didn't matter what he'd done with Rikiya. What was important was that Subaru would be with him from then on.
Even though he tried to push those thoughts from his mind, he couldn't tear the sex-related fears from the forefront of his brain. As he left his house and rounded the corner towards the music shop where Subaru worked, he hoped that his boyfriend would be waiting for him. When it appeared that Subaru wasn't there, Yasu waited and as the minutes stretched on, his stomach was filled with an uneasiness.
Was Subaru going to push him away again? After what they'd just done, was Subaru already having second thoughts? Yasu's stomach twisted itself into knots so tight, he feared he might throw up. Just as the tears were about sprang to his eyes, Yasu hear a familiar voice call, "Sorry I'm late."
Turning to face the voice, Yasu was greeted with the sight of a very tired looking Subaru. Ignoring his boyfriend's sleepy disposition, Yasu smiled brightly. "I thought you weren't coming."
Subaru didn't respond, reaching for Yasu's hand and pulling him down the street. The silence settled over the pair, and Yasu was happy just relishing in the warmth of Subaru's hand. The only thing that would make the morning better was if Subaru didn't have to drop his hand and fall out of step behind Shota. He wished, more than anything in the world, that he could walk past the school gates with Subaru's hand held tightly in his own. He wanted to be able to eat with Subaru at lunch and whisper to him during classes.
He'd never liked having to hide his relationship with Subaru. If he had his way, he would spend all of his time, both in school and outside of it, with Subaru. But Subaru was being thoughtful enough in always considering his feelings, so returning the favor was the least he could do. Hopefully, someday Subaru would be comfortable enough to let their peers know about their relationship. And if it didn't happen during high school, then once they graduated there would be nothing holding him back.
"Hey Yasu," Maruyama called from where he was standing by the doors of the entrance. As soon as Yasu got close enough, Maru grabbed Yasu's arm and leaned close as they walked through the doors. "How are things with Subaru-kun?"
"Things are good," Yasu replied with a blush as he remembered the event of the previous night.
The blush didn't go unnoticed by Maru, and he was about to ask before Ohkura joined the pair, "What's going on?"
"Nothing!" both Maru and Yasu quickly replied as they removed their outdoor shoes.
Ohkura looked back and forth between his two bandmate, eyeing them suspiciously. “What are you two hiding?”
Yasu looked over at Maru, his eyes wide in fear. Things were starting to look up between him and Subaru and Ohkura finding out right now would be the worst possible thing to have happen. Yasu would like to think that there was no more hesitation from Subaru, but he knew that was expecting to much. He was happy with the direction that things were going, but he wasn't stupid enough to think that the previous night could erase all of Subaru's existing fears.
Maruyama seemed to sense Yasu's dilemma, and he turned to Ohkura. "We're not hiding anything," he reassured Ohkura in a way that only Maru could.
Ohkura narrowed his eyes and looked back and forth between the pair for a moment. Maru smiled calmly at him and that seemed to put any of Ohkura's doubts at rest for the time being. Shaking his head, he began, "I just wanted to tell you two that rehearsal is cancelled today. My dad needs me home early so I can't make it."
"Okay," Yasu nodded, a smile spreading across his face. It felt like it had been ages since he visited Subaru at the shop and now he'd get the chance. He hoped that Ryo wouldn't be there so that he could have time alone with Subaru.
"You don't have to be so happy about it," Ohkura mumbled, eyeing Yasu grumpily.
"Ah," Yasu frowned, remembering that his friends were still standing there watching him drift off into Subaru fantasy land. "I didn't mean it like that..."
"Just forget about it," Ohkura told him, turning to leave.
As soon as the drummer was out of sight, Maru sighed and turned to Yasu. "You are so transparent!"
"I'm sorry," Yasu mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Well, I think it's cute," Maru commented, ruffling Yasu's hair. "But if you want to keep it a secret, you should probably try harder not to stand around blushing with that goofy smile on your face."
Yasu's blush only deepened at Maru's comment and he reached up to touch his warm cheeks. "Is it obvious?"
"That you're in love?" Maru teased, making kissy faces at Yasu.
"Stop that," Yasu laughed, pushing Maru away.
"Yasu's in love?" A voice spoke up behind them, and when the pair turned around, Daisuke was standing only inches behind them, listening in with an interested look on his face.
"No!" Maru and Yasu shouted in unison for the second time that day.
Quickly sharing a look, Maru took charge of the situation once more. "Did you hear that rehearsal is canceled?" He changed the subject, hoping that Ishigaki would forget whatever he'd heard of the conversation he'd been having with Yasu.
"Really? Awesome. I have a test tomorrow I should really study for," Daisuke grinned and then turning to Yasu, he asked, "So who are you in love with?"
Yasu looked over at Maru, a desperate look on his face. He knew that he'd been depending on Maru way too much to help him out of whatever holes he dug himself into regarding Subaru, but he had no idea what to do.
Maru looked over at Yasu, "I think we can trust him..."
Yasu hesitated. He didn't know Daisuke very well. The other boy was a year younger than him and the only interaction they really had was during rehearsal or the occasional conversation at the lunch table. But he knew that Maru was good friends with the second year and he trusted Maru. The bassist had gone out of his way to protect him and his relationship, so if he thought that Daisuke was trustworthy, then he'd believe him. He nodded at Maru.
Maru grabbed Daisuke's arm, dragging him into one of the more quiet corridors of the school. "You have to promise to keep this a secret."
Daisuke nodded excitedly. "What is it?"
"Yasu's kinda dating someone in the school..." Maru began slowly, seeming to test Daisuke's reaction.
"Seriously?" Daisuke asked excitedly, his voice growing louder. "Who is it?"
"Shhh," Yasu quieted his bandmate, looking around to make sure there were no eavesdroppers. "It's Subaru."
Daisuke stood for a moment, and if Yasu wasn't so nervous, he would have laughed at the reaction. For a moment, Daisuke's face was blank and then as if Yasu could see the wheels turning in Daisuke's head, he quickly went quickly from confused to shocked. "Wait. Like Subaru Subaru? As in the Subaru that used to be in Revolver?"
Maru nodded, holding his finger to his lips to quiet Daisuke. "Yeah, but be quiet!"
"Wait," Daisuke shook his head. "You're dating Subaru?" he asked Yasu, his face returning to confused.
Yasu nodded his head, feeling a mixture of nervousness and excitement at finally being able to tell someone. "Yeah."
"That's great!" Daisuke grinned, clapping a hand on Yasu's shoulder.
"You don't care?" Yasu asked, surprised at Daisuke's reaction. The younger boy not only didn't care that he was dating Subaru, the band's sworn enemy, but he didn't seem fazed that Yasu was dating a guy.
"Why would I care?" Daisuke asked. "No offense, but it doesn't really surprise me that you swing that way. And I have nothing against Subaru. I already told you that I think it was a mistake to have kicked him out of the band. But by now, you must know how Ohkura is. He told us not to talk to Subaru and that was that. I always felt kind of bad about it..."
"Me too," Maru frowned. "I kind of wish I would have said something back then. I miss Subaru. The band isn't the same without him."
Daisuke nodded and it seemed that for the time being the pair forgot that Yasu was standing right there as they reminisced about when Subaru had still been in the band. "Hey," Daisuke began, "Maybe we should apologize."
Maru nodded, "I've been thinking the same thing lately. That whole thing with Rikiya really bugs me."
Yasu shifted uncomfortably at the mention of Rikiya's name. Shaking off the uneasiness that always crept upon him at the mention of Rikiya, Yasu told his bandmates, "I'm sure Subaru would appreciate the apology."
"Let's go after school then," Daisuke exclaimed excitedly. "It's perfect since we don't have rehearsal today."
Maru nodded enthusiastically. "The sooner, the better, right?"
Yasu frowned, "No but..."
Daisuke seemed to ignore whatever protests Yasu was trying to make as he nodded at Maru. "Does he still work at the music shop?"
Maru nodded. "Yeah. Should we go after school?"
As Daisuke and Maru made their plans, Yasu took to pouting and crossed his arms over his chest. He'd wanted the time alone in the shop with Subaru. He was glad that Maru and Daisuke wanted to apologize to Subaru. Afterall, Subaru had done nothing wrong in dating Rikiya. It hurt Yasu to think about it, but Subaru had been in love with Rikiya and in the end he was punished for that love. Subaru deserved the apology, but that didn't stop Yasu from pouting selfishly. He wanted Subaru for himself that afternoon but Maru and Daisuke were insistent on ruining that for him.
By the time Yasu snapped out of his pout, Maru and Daisuke were halfway down the hall and the chime signaling the beginning of classes was ringing.Yasu hurried to catch up with his two bandmates and by the time he did, Maru and Daisuke were saying their goodbyes at the doorway of the classroom.
Once Daisuke was gone, Yasu followed his friend into the classroom. “Wait. Maru,” he called out, trailing after the taller boy.
“You’re late! Sit down,” Murakami scolded the two, effectively putting and end to whatever conversation Yasu had been trying to start with his friend.
Plopping down in his chair, Yasu stared hard at the back of Maru’s head. After a few moments of glaring, his attention shifted to Subaru. Looking over at his boyfriend, and now lover, a pink blush covered his cheeks as he recalled, for the millionth time, what had happened the previous night.
In fact, once the memory entered his head, he couldn’t dislodge it. Focusing on Murakami’s lesson became impossible with Subaru sitting so close. All Yasu could think about was the way Subaru tasted, and the noises he made, and the way he was writhing against his bed in pleasure as Yasu’s mouth worked over him.
And the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to do it again. Of course he was a normal teenager and he’d thought about sex before. But until recently, it had only been fantasies about girls and that was all he’d ever really considered. But since he’d met Subaru, all of the ideals he’d had about losing his virginity had slowly begun to change.
He was nervous about going all the way with Subaru, but Yasu had never wanted someone the way he wanted Subaru. If he stopped to think about it, he would realize how strange and surreal it was that all of his expectations about sex had been flipped around when he’d met Subaru. Until this moment, he hadn’t seriously thought about it.
He’d never fully stopped to think about his feelings for Subaru and what they met. Subaru was just a person, and Yasu just happened to be extremely attracted to him. After realizing that, he wasn’t scared. He didn’t know if it meant he was gay and he didn’t think he should be ashamed. He knew better than to stress over the fact that he had romantic feelings for Subaru. It was just the way things were.
But he was nervous about the sex. Not that he didn’t want it. Even before he’d made his feelings clear to Subaru, he’d entertained the idea of a physical relationship in his head -- whether it was simply in his desire to kiss Subaru or hold him, Yasu had been thinking about it for a long time.
In the end, the thing Yasu was most worried about was whether or not he’d be able to go through with it. Though the desire was there, burning strongly under the surface, the thought of actually being fully intimate with Subaru was enough to turn Yasu into a stuttering pile of nerves.
And that’s why he was so amazed that yesterday he’d been able to do it so easily. When it came down to it, in the heat of the moment, Yasu’s desire to be with Subaru, to feel that physical connection, outweighed any other fears or doubts he had.
But they still hadn’t gone that far and if Yasu thought carefully about it and its implications, he knew all of that nervousness would come flooding back. For now though, his mind was occupied with the previous night and the only thing Yasu felt was desire pooling in the pit of his stomach.
Glancing over at Subaru for the millionth time that day, the desire only intensified itself. Shifting in his seat in attempt to control the effect these thoughts were having on his anatomy, Yasu thought that perhaps this when beyond desire.
He’d felt desire before. Or at least he thought he had. Desire, he’d always thought, was fiercely wanting something. He’d desired having friends, and good grades and even a pretty girlfriend in the past. But this situation was completely different. He felt like he needed Subaru.
At that moment, it took every ounce of Yasu’s self control to keep from reaching over to Subaru. He wanted to feel the warmth of Subaru’s thigh under his palm and he wanted to be able to slide his hand up that expanse of skin and wrap it around Subaru intimately. He wanted to feel the weight of Subaru in his hand, and he wanted to hear him moan once more.
Yasu almost groaned with how much he wanted it. And Subaru seemed to notice the way Yasu was constantly looking at him, which in turn made Yasu wonder if perhaps Subaru was thinking about the same thing because every time their eyes met, a blush would color Subaru’s cheeks. And that only made Yasu want him more.
Yasu sighed and when Maru turned around to glare at him he realized that he must have been making exasperated sounds all morning. Normally, Maru’s glare would have been enough to quiet him, afterall... it was uncommon for Maru to show annoyance. But today, Yasu didn’t care. Maru was part of Yasu’s restlessness. He wouldn’t be half as frustrated at that moment if Maru and Daisuke weren’t planning on ambushing Subaru during their alone time. So really it was Maru’s fault that he couldn’t indulge in his fantasy of getting Subaru alone in the stockroom of the music shop, pulling his pants down as he kneeled in front of the long-haired boy and took him into his mouth.
Yasu sighed loudly again and this time several of his classmates turned around to look at him. From the corner of his eye, he could see that Subaru was also watching him and though he knew it was dangerous, he couldn’t resist turning to look at his boyfriend.
Subaru looked embarrassed the moment their eyes met and he quickly turned away as if he knew exactly what Yasu was thinking. Which could only mean that he’d been thinking about it too. And that made Yasu nervous. What did Subaru think about it? he wondered. Was it good for him? Did he like it? Did he want Yasu to do it again?
He glanced over at Subaru again, wishing that he could read the other boy’s mind. It had suddenly occurred to him that perhaps Subaru hadn’t enjoyed it as much as he had. Afterall, he hadn’t said anything afterwards. Or this morning.
Continue to Part 2